Summer Edition - Subterranean Kickball Blues

The  Award Winning Official Newsletter of the MA Commonwealth Division

"Kick Rhymes with Sick"  

The Week Three: "Johnny's in the basement, mixing up the medicine, I'm on the pavement thinkin' bout the government." - Bob Dylan

Table of Contents: 
I: Antidote to Ilness
II: A Denial Twist
III: Recaps
IV: Schedule and Standings
V: Announcements
VI: Blech

PART I:  "Second try. To say goodbye. Kick the habit but I'll be standing in your way
You want antidote I got the poison." - The Hives

Congratulations are in order for Frank's Little Beauties, who captured the MA Commonwealth Spring Title with a thrilling victory on Tuesday over Brief Student Concerts

Kudos are in order to Captain Chris and his Little Beauties, Gerry, Ona, Michael, Ben, Kait, Stanley, Katie, Dara, Annie, Michale, Derrk, Jennifer, Patrick, Keivan, Sarah-Jane, Richard, Tyler, Claudio, Allyson, Ben, Amy, and Jesse.

And thanks to newcomers BSC for a great spring. Cheers to Katie and her Brief Concerns: Mark, Deacon, Jillian, Alyssa, Julian, Jim, Scott, Liza, Meredith, Erika, Liz Lia, Greg, Megan, Kevin, Nick and Marcus.

PART II: "I don't need no needle.To be giving me a thrill.And I don't need no anesthesia
Or a nurse to bring a pill. I got a dirty down addiction. It doesn't leave a track.I got a jones for your affection. Like a monkey on my back."  - Bon Jovi

Psychologists have long pointed out that human beings when dealing with an emotional shock or trauma, process and progress through five stages of grief. The stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and then finally acceptance. 

For you long time readers of this newsletter, you are well aware that this author is a long time Bruins season ticket holder. Over twelve seasons and quickly approaching 500 NHL games, this author lives by the motto, "Bruins Uber Alles". (Okay, I live by a second motto too, "Never start a land war in Asia." You'd be surprise how often that has come in handy.) So to see hope turned into defeat within the span of seventeen seconds, was quite shocking. 

Since I am a planner, and have experiened a few playoff traumas over the years, I planned my grief accordingly. Tuesday: Denial. Wednesday: Anger Thursday: Bargaining (and Kickball): Friday: Depression and Saturday: Acceptance. However despite the best laid plans of mice and men, Mother Nature has intervened and I'm sick as a dog. (Not a Daugivans. YOU HAD AN OPEN NET KASPARS. JUST DEFLECT THE PUCK). Originally, upon consulting my monkey butler turned fellow writer and a team of highly trained doctors, I was going to punt this issue. But instead I took guidance from St. Patrice of Bergeron and soldiered on. 

I do apologize for nothing funny this week in advance. (Actually, even when I do a funny bit, like the upcoming always popular mailbag edition, I should probably apologize for not being funny as well. Maybe then I'd get less hate mail, and more spam.) 


PART II: I was last in my class. Barely passed at the institute. Now I'm trying to avoid, yeah, I'm trying to avoid, a malpractice suit. Hey, like a surgeon. Cuttin' for the very first timeLike a surgeon. Organ transplants are my line." - Weird Al Yankovic

Don't Come on My Base 15 over Saved By the Balls 0 

The triumphant return of DCOMB to Lowell field was the second most exciting announcement other than the promised coming of the Twinkie, arriving on shelves July 15.. Dan had a solid game at catcher, Danny made some great outs at first, and Daniel made his presence known as the only rookie to the team. Ilana made it safely to base on a bunt, while Ilana rocked a tutu and scored a run. Andrew perked up a late inning hot streak with a base hit, bringing Andrew to third base. Jon put a lock down on center field, covering for the missing Jon. It truly was a team playing as one team with very few names between them, with the final score setting the tone for the rest of the season. - Erik S. 


Melon Farming Ninjas 8 over Menace to Sobriety 2
The MF Ninjas took their opening game of the season, not using stealth, theatrics and the element of surprise that have become Ninja trademarks, but instead battered their way to a victory over the fiesty and sobering Menace to Sobreity using the long ball. Home runs by Dave, Ed and Paul powered the onslaught and the returning duo of Nick and Lauren, along with the omnipresent Eli lead the charge on defense. - David M.

After takingg a "thugged out" team picture prior to the start of the game, Menace 2 Sobriety was hoping to intimidate the Ninjas and start the season off with a victory. We played some great defense for the first 3 and 2/3 innings. Andrew and Sam connected for a nice double play at first. Justin and Steve each made nice catches in center while Brad made a great play at 3rd base spiking the ball off the runner. Kevin made a nice play on a foul ball at first and Vivek and Melissa played solid at catcher keeping the bunts in check. We had an early 1-0 lead as Liz kicked home the first run. Unfortunately things all fell apart with 2 outs in the 3rd as the Ninjas scored 8 runs. We tried to rally in the bottom of the inning as Melissa scored our second run but ultimately came up short. - Sam B



The Pecan Sandies 4 over Boca Cabana 3


Week one, and oh what a week it was. The Pecan Sandies built an early lead with a two out first inning three run rally, but were unable to hold on as the other team pecked away and tied the score in the top of the fifth. Thankfully, after a lead off triple, a line out, and an intentional walk, MVP Big Ben K came through with a walk off RBI single, his second RBI hit of the day, to go along with a run scored. Highlight of the night: leftfielder Mike M taking a liner off the face in diving fashion - Chris T.

Both teams started off great defensively not allowing runs in the first inning.. Both teams looked great as the Pecan sandies sported their American Pride attire ( one week too soon) and the Boca Cabana sported their colorful leis . The Pecan Sandies broke the tie with some big kicks in a 3 run 2nd.. First time players Ashley M, Nicholas K and Nick T made some great defensive plays to keep the game close. Small ball and a great RBI by perennial all star Erin M tied the game in the top of the 5th. Pecan Sandies were able to muster up a gritty run to win the game in walk off fashion in the 5th. - Andrew B


Legion of Doom 12 over Slim Kickins 0
The Legion of Doom was looking to get their season off to a quick start sending out a strong lineup against Slim Kickings. Bizarro (Tom) got things started in the first clearing the bases with a grand slam. Lex Luthor (Big) and Gorilla Grod (Phil) decided to take Slim Kickings name literally as they pitched a scoreless game. A strong contribution from newcomer Solomon Grundy (Nick) supplied the insurance runs the Legion of Doom needed to close out the victory. Special note goes to Cheetah (Kelsey) for catching what could have been a costly miscue from Lex in the outfield to end the game. All in all, a great first showing for the Legionaires! - Jon N.

PART IV: "I went back to the doctor. To get another shrink. I sit and tell him about my weekend,But he never betrays what he thinks." - The Who

Schedule:

6:30PM

Diamond:
Slim Kickins v. Boca Cabana - Ref Melon Farming Ninjas

Grass:
Pecan Sandies v. Legion of Doom - Ref Don't Come on My Base

7:15PM

Diamond 
Saved By The Balls v. Melon Farming Ninjas - Ref Slim Kickins

Grass
Don't Come on My Base v. Menace 2 Sobriety - Ref Pecan Sandies

PART V:"The doctor feels he's so abused and the lady feels she's so unused and demands the doctor tends her daily parts. Ooh, but the doctor just can't do it because so long ago the lady blew it, they're too old now to make another start.The lady feels the doctor's made of stone.The doctor' heart, it just ain't fond of home." - Bruce Springsteen

Announcements, Announcements Announcements
SHOPPER'S CAFE: However we know you are adults. To quench your thirst for the potables that are potent, please visit our league bar. Map can be found on the sidebar. 

TEAMS: Games are scheduled to start at 6:30 and 7:15pm. There is a fifteen minute grace period, but if a team does not have the minimum 4 male and 4 female players in that time, then the game is a forfeit. Teams can still play, but the results will be entered as a 5-0 win for the team with the minimum amount of players

PHOTOS: Please submit photos to make my droll prose look better. Pictures can be submitted here. Thanks as always to Tim for his continued contributions.

SHOES: Just a reminder that proper footwear is essential for safety reasons. Sneakers and plastic cleats are perfectly acceptable. No open toed shoes or metal cleats. Players seen wearing open toed shoes or metal cleats will be asked to change, or will not be allowed to play. 

ANTI-SOCIAL MEDIA: Follow the league on Twitter and Facebook. 

PART VI:"If you got the money, honey we've got your diseas." - Guns N Roses 

Everybody have fun tonight. 



Good luck and happy kicking,
- David, GMOT Editor

Summer Edition - A Summertime Feast

The  Award Winning Official Newsletter of the MA Commonwealth Division

"Eat, Drink, Play Kickball"  

The Second Opening Week: "And I laid upon the table. Another piece of meat, And I opened up my veins to them, And said come on eat. Ate the summer cannibals. Eat! Eat! Eat!" - Patti Smith

Table of Contents: 
I: Soup's On Repeat
II: Main Offending Course
III: Schedule
IV: Announcements
V: Just Desserts

PART I: Hot tamales and they're red hot, yes she got'em for sale, I got a girls, say she long and tall. She sleeps in the kitchen with her feets in the hall. - Robert Johnson

When you have both the last game of the Spring season and first game of the Summer season rained out, (Maybe we should sacrifice a weatherman to the weathergods. Or maybe a faux-weatherman, like one that drives tourists around in WWII era amphibious vehicles) it puts tremendous pressure on those of us (and by us, I mean me, the voices in my head, and my former monkey butler turned novelist) who are charged with bringing you sizzling kickball content. When you have no kickball, content is hard to come by. ( This is especially true when the author has been in the thick of the emotional maelstrom that is the Stanley Cup Final. All I could write coherently about right now is toasted bread. Mmmm. I like toast.)  But like any good purveyour of entertainment, despite the images of bad line changes, odd-man rushes, and a silent wrister sneaking through an uncharacteristically porous defense to tie a series that are coursing through my head, replaying over and over again like that scene from A Clockwork Orange that everyone refers to when talking about the process of inculcation, (That game was a right tolchok to the yarbles), the show must go on.

So to whet your appetite for the smorgasbord of a  kickball season that really, seriously, is going to begin tonight, here's a collage of images from the Spring season that will wrap up next week or perhaps when my as yet to be born great great-grandchildren go to college. You can look upon it with anticipation for all the fun you will have this season, or you can view it as a chilling vision of things to come. Either or, NO REFUNDS!

Click Image for Larger Image You Narcissists! 

Photos of course are by the wonderfully talented and dogged Tim Hoffman.


PART II: Down there, we have a plant that grows out in the woods and the fields.And it looks some like a turnip green. Everybody calls it Polk salad, now, that's Polk salad.Used to know a girl that lived down there and she'd go out in the evenings and pick a mess of it. Carry it home and cook it for supper'Cause that's about all they had to eat. But they did all right. - Elvis Presley

Normally, this is the space where recaps from the previous week's action occurs. While I am potent in words and deeds, I am not omnipotent; I cannot see and do not know all of you yet. Therefore this section depends completely on each team submitting a recap for each game, winner and loser. Please think of the future children who will someday read this and see here, preserved for all eternity, the exploits of his or her mother or father. It's like "How I Met Your Mother" only with less Neil Patrick Harris and more f-bombs. 

So Captains, please submit a recap weekly to me at this address here. Point out who did well, who made you laugh, who maybe lost their pants, or whatever your heart desires. 

Non-Captains, feel free to submit any photos, artwork,(candy) vines or suggestions as well. This is a blog for everyone, not just the ones in my head. 

PART III: Tried to amend my carnivorous habits Made it nearly seventy days. Losin' weight without speed, eatin' sunflower seeds. Drinkin' lots of carrot juice and soakin' up rays. But at night I'd had these wonderful dreams. Some kind of sensuous treat. Not zucchini, fettucini or Bulgar wheat. But a big warm bun and a huge hunk of meat. - Jimmy Buffet

Schedule:

6:30PM

Diamond:
Saved By The Balls v. Don't Come on My Base - Ref Slim Kickins

Grass:
Melon Farming Ninjas v. Menace 2 Sobriety - Ref Pecan Sandies

7:15PM

Diamond 
Legion of Doom v. Slim Kickins - Ref Saved by the Balls

Grass
Pecan Sandies v. Boca Cabana - Ref Menace 2 Sobriety


PART IV:"Now drop the beat, so I can talk about my favorite tastings. The food that is the everlasting, see I'm not fasting. I'm gobbling, like a dog on turkey. Beef jerky, slim jims, I eat sometimes. I like lemons and limes. And if not that, take it the road see and the salad sopped. Sit back, relax, listen to some hip hop." - A Tribe Called Quest

Announcements, Announcements Announcements

ALCOHOL: Drinking in public is illegal in Waltham. This is especially true on public playgrounds, such as Lowell field. Please do not bring alcoholic beverages to the field, and for the love of Bog do not consume. This could not only result in you facing civil or criminal charges, but we could lose our permit and that would be bad. 

SHOPPER'S CAFE: However we know you are adults. To quench your thirst for the potables that are potent, please visit our league bar. Map can be found on the sidebar. 

TEAMS: Games are scheduled to start at 6:30 and 7:15pm. There is a fifteen minute grace period, but if a team does not have the minimum 4 male and 4 female players in that time, then the game is a forfeit. Teams can still play, but the results will be entered as a 5-0 win for the team with the minimum amount of players

PHOTOS: Please submit photos to make my droll prose look better. Pictures can be submitted here. Thanks as always to Tim for his continued contributions.

SHOES: Just a reminder that proper footwear is essential for safety reasons. Sneakers and plastic cleats are perfectly acceptable. No open toed shoes or metal cleats. Players seen wearing open toed shoes or metal cleats will be asked to change, or will not be allowed to play. 

ANTI-SOCIAL MEDIA: Follow the league on Twitter and Facebook. Well at least until George Maharis' Fakeblock is released. 

PART V:"Have some more chicken, have some more pie. It doesn't matter if it's boiled or fried. Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it." - Weird Al 

Before you lies a plethora of plates, a regular Old Country Buffet or Golden Corral, only without the early bird special. Whether your are a refined gourmand, a hipster foodie, or a fast food junkie, kickball is suitable for every palate and taste.

And if things get too serious around the kickball table, we can always have a ...

FOOD FIGHT!

Good luck and happy kicking,
- David, GMOT Editor

Spring/Summer Edition - WTF?

What the Eff is Going On? 

For some of you, welcome to the weirdness, majesty, wonder, horror, and magic that is Summer Kickball here in the MA Commonwealth Division.

For some of you this is the last week of the Spring season, where your weeks of slaving over the hot coals of  burning kickball desire have either moved onto the Championship Game, or have been extinguished like a match in those old Tuck's Medicated Pads commercials. 

While normally the author of this newsletter enjoys the dualities of man, the ying, the yang, the dark, the light, the good the evil, the thrill of victory, agony of defeat, yada yada yada, this "two seasons, one ending, one beginning thing" is really fucking with my mind. Looks like picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue. 

Anyway, welcome (or thanks for reading) the Ghost Man on Third. This weekly newsletter is the recap, funny contest, insane ramblings that will serve (has served)  as the chronicle for your great adult kickball adventure that either had occurred, or will be occurring. Every week you will be on a trip through the eddy and flow of the artificial kickball universe, with the flotsam, jetsom and fellow travellers through this season. Or you've already been on this trip the past few weeks in the spring season, and for you this is mercifully the last edition of the newsletter. Either way, welcome. Suggestions, contributions, insults, treatises, circular papers, recipes that you think will enhance this amazing kickball journey can be sent here. 

Then and Now?

For some of you, you are old hacks at this kickball racket. You've survived the torrential rains, crowded volcano themed bars, angry old men in jumpsuits, the Great Jort Epidemic of 2012, Paul's Mustache, and ice cream truck distractions that punctuate the summer league. For the rest of you, this is your first kickball experience since you were knee high to a grasshopper, according to some folksy guy who uses phrases like that and still thinks Will Rogers was a hilarious mofo and the greatest thing since sliced bread. 

For you newcomers, here is a brief refresher for how adult kickball is slightly different from the game you played in gym class those many years ago. 

THEN: You were just beginning school with the idea that when you got out you'd be an adult, have a cool job, and could stay up past your bed time. 
NOW: You have finished school with several degrees, a shitfuckton of debt, and thanks to the economy you now work at Starbucks, and while you know you could stay up past your bed time, you're tired and fuck it you gotta work tomorrow. 

THEN: You couldn't use profanity and had to censor yourself with phrases like "fudge" or "mutton fondling" 

NOW: Sure you can let the f-bomb's fly, but find it kinda more amusing to call someone a "Miner Fiddling See You Next Tuesday" 

THEN: When you liked a girl or guy in school you'd pass them a note in class. 

NOW: You just have the NSA forward the message along for you. 

THEN: You feared getting picked last and spending the next decade of your life trying to overcome that shame.

NOW: You just unfriend those who picked you last on Facebook.

THEN: The adults were the coaches and umpires and they all sounded like the adults in a Peanuts cartoon.
NOW: WAH-WAH. WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH WHAH HAH.

THEN: You feared the ball coming at you because the ridicule of you dropping it would last through recess. 

NOW: You fear the ball coming at you because the ridicule of you dropping it will last forever on the internet thanks to smart phones and vine. 

THEN: People made fun of you when you wore weird colors.
NOW: People still make fun of you, but at least now you aren't the only one dressed funny.

THEN: Old white men and oil companies were in control
NOW: Old white men and oil companies are in controlTHEN: To refresh yourself, you would drink from a small box. 
NOW: To refreresh yourself, you drink from a small bar, our league sponsor Shopper's Cafe.

THEN: You made fun of people who drew walks in kickball
NOW: You make fun of people who draw walks in kickball

THEN: The rules were confusing, you didn't know how to run the bases, and catching the ball was a minor miracle.
NOW: This pretty much hasn't changed at all. 

Games Some of You People Played In

Brief Student Concerns  over  Newton Benchmarks:

Back to back homeruns by Chapin and Malley in the bottom of the first allowed BSC to recover nicely from the early 2 run deficit.

Brief Student Concernsover Sacks and Racks 

Girl power. An RBI and a diving catch by 2 BSC ladies was enough to hold an intense tie dyed group. This was enough to propel Brief Student Concerns into the Championship Game! - Katie C

Ninja Island 8 over Booze on First 0 

In the first elimination game, the Ninjas battled the orange clad Boozers in a tight game. Eeking out a win in the first inning thanks to Little Nick, Jon with an M and then Jon with an N, it was a tense affair. Then a big rally in the 4th inning blew the game open and propelled the Ninjas to the Semi-Finals. - David M.

Booze on first was looking to finish the season on a high note against the Ninjas. The fame was close early on with the Ninjas jumping out to an early 1-0 lead. Defensively we collapsed as a series of error allowed the Ninjas to blow the game wide open. No real individual highlights for Booze this week as it was an all around bad game. - Sam B.

Frank's Little Beauties 3 over Ninja Island 2

Playing one of their best efforts of the season, the Ninjas build a hard earned 2-0 lead heading into the final frame, having played exceptional defense, the fickle finger of fate thrust it's digit into the Ninjas eye, as their hope for a spot in the Championship game run aground admist the tidal wave that was Frank's Little Beauties. In one of the best games of the season and league history, the Ninjas fell, humbled by unbroken. - David M. 

The first four and a half innings proved to be a struggle for FLB's. No runs scored, two allowed. The team looked up and down the bench for a spark... and at the end of the bench, stood Richard. He trotted up to the plate cool and collected, and somehow reached first. Two outs and two close calls later, he was somehow standing on third, with another runner on first. A mile high pop up behind first base confused the Ninjas, who had played air tight defense all game, and dropped in for a hit. Both runs scored, and suddenly the game was tied. Did you know: Tyler's middle name is redemption. He sent a kick down the left field line that kicked up chalk, hugging the foul line. Runner scored from first. Game over. It all happened in the blink of an eye. Beauties win. See you in the championship game. - Chris T

You Spring People

Thank you to those who played this spring season whose dreams of immortal kickball glory crashed upon the shores of defeat and despair.


Newton Benchmarks - Team Captain David, Tina, Erin, Jen, Jesse, Katie, Emma, Ernesto, Danielle, Lynette, Eric, Jenna, Vanessa, Elizabeth, Sam, Robert, Erica, Jennifer, Nate, Brian, Gareth, Stephanie


Booze on First - Team Captain Sam, Jacqui, Mike, Patrick, Peter, Natalie, Bethany, Michelle, Kathleen, Bret, Amanda, Kate, Frank, Mary, Andrew, Vivek, Kevin, Tracy, Denice


Sacks and Racks - Team Captains Andrew and Nicole , Carols, Andrea, Victoria, Amber, Lesley, Matt, Sean, Caitlin, Alison, Matt, Martha, Andrew, Andrea, Chris, Illa, Katie, Brett, Erin, Jenna, Matt Brittany,Danny, Erik, Ivy, Justin


Ninja Island - Team Captain David, Michael, Sara, Melissa, Jen, Jeff, Emily, Michael, Megan, Eli, Jackie, Jackie, Rick, Hadley, Paul, Jon, Jen, Jon, Big Nick, Little Nick, Sabrina
Special Thanks to the team captains for putting up with me pestering them for recaps every week.

You Summer People

Strap in. The battle for the title begins tomorrow (weather permitting). Remember games start at 6:30pm and get there a little early to distribute shirts. 

Song or Video of the Week that Probably Interests Me (and Only Me)

Since I'm as confused as you guys, here's the great paean to confusion, that was also used to sell Levi's back in 1980's. (Odd fact, this song was written about Ellen Foley, who was the female vocalist on Meatloaf's famous "Paradise by the Dashboard Light".)

Miscellany

• For you Summer Folks here's tonight's Schedule 
• For you Springtime Folks, Good Luck to Brief Student Concerns and Frank's Little Beauties who will duke it out for the title.
• Our League Bar is Shopper's Cafe. Please show them some love for their fine support this spring season and our continued relationship this summer season.
• Thank you Tim as always for your photos. 
• Special thank to Paul Lurie our customer service rep and league svenghali. A remarkbale feat to pull this spring season off, and this summer season will be great because of his efforts and yours.

Next Week

We revert to the Summer GMOT format. OBSCURE SONG LYRICS AND BAD PUNS FOR LIFE!

Spring Edition - Hopelessly Hopeful

A Nu Start

Insert reference to "The Distance" by Cake here.

As a word-writing person, I love symbolism. When the dark events of April 15th occurred, I wrote in this newsletter about the failings of words, except for one word: Hope. Whether consciously or not, the idea of hope has always just been beneath the surface of this newsletter this season. Perhaps it was simply because it was spring, and spring has always been a symbol for hope, a new beginning or a new start. 

Tonight the season starts again. The playoffs are a time for hope.  Face it, people like the underdog. The come back story has delighted men, women, children and various species of hyrax (not to be confused with Hydrox, which should be considered OG Oreos) since Homer (Not Simpson) first told the story of Odysseus. Everyone loves to see someone succeed against all odds, usually for some noble principle or purpose, accompanied by a faithful sidekick or group of sidekicks, as well as some sort of love interest. And there's a montage. Always a montage. 

Anyway, good luck tonight to everyone as they look for their own new start. However just do not blue yourself prematurely, as that license plate is already taken. 

Uncle Joe Biden's Big Fucking Deals

End of Season Party is This Friday at Wave Bar in Waltham. Info Here! 

Space is still available for the Waltham Summer League! Register Here!

So You Want to Know a Kickball Star

She's got a license to kick.

Alyssa of Brief Student Concerns was volunteered by her captain, Katie C, to be the focus of this week's probing SYWTKAKS feature. After I interviewed her to get the basics, I began to write down my notes. As I was sipping my traditional "Blog Writing Bourbon" I heard a rapping upon my chamber door. Half expecting a raven, since before my traditional blog writing bourbon, I'd sipped an even more traditional "Procrasturbating Absinthe" so my mind was addled with the faux hallucinatory effects of wormwood and the smug self satisfaction of drinking absinthe, I was mildy disappointed to find a man in a dark suit, dark sunglasses and darker disposition, instead of some ghastly illusion allusion to of Poe. 

"Are you the author of the So You Want to Know a Kickball Star feature that runs in the Award Winning MA Commonwealth 'Ghost Man on Third' newsletter?" He intoned. 

"Yes" I replied. 

"I'm from the firm of Zuckercorn, Lizer and Loblaw" He said. "We represent Buster Tobias Maharis Bananagrabber and are giving you a cease and desist letter." 

"Who?" I asked, not knowing the game. The man at the door showed me a picture of my monkey butler, who left me a few weeks ago to embark on a successful writing career.

"Him?" I asked.

The right stuff

"Yes. Mr. Bananagrabber has stated that he came up with the idea and that you have been ripping him off without proper compensation. He'll see you in court." And with that he walked away from my door.

I stood there flummoxed and flabbergasted. First off, it was quite a law bomb that was lobbed at me by Loblaw. Second, I'm pretty sure that monkeys don't have legal standing to sue. Third, I hoped I kept animation rights. Still not wanting to draw the ire of the formidable law team that my former monkey butler had assembled I hastily called up Alyssa wanting to do another interview. This however would not concern her sordid and adventurous past as an operative for the Israel Military,a Double O member of British Secret Service and as a Swedish author asked to investigate a decades old death with a young social outcast tattooed hacker that may or may not have been the acting career of Daniel Craig past, but the upcoming kickball playoffs. 

When she answered her ICQ she asked again who the fuck was I? When I explained to her, who I was, we must have lost power because she never responded. Though next time I suppose I should not be wearing my "I'm an Analrapist" badge from my Tobias Funke costume from last Sunday. I've made a terrible mistake. 

Shit You Should Know

This could end a game in the playoffs

That said, there are some important rule changes for the playoffs. For a full reading of the Tournament Rules check here. 

Teams are asked to have written lineups to exchange with each other.

Since extra innings are a possibility, games must start within 15 minutes of the allotted time. Failure to field a minimal team within that 15 minute grace period (4 males, 4 females) will result in a forfeit. 

In the event of extra innings, the last kicker to make an out will be placed on second base. The defense will have maximum four male and four female players. 

If time expires, and the game remains tied, the game is decided by rock paper scissors between 3 representatives from each team. (Best 2 out of 3). 

For a full reading of the Tournament Rules check here. 

Games You People Played In

Netwon Benchmarks over Booze on First 6-1

Worst game of twister ever.

The Newton Benchmarks won a game.  Superstar Jesse kicked that ball with power.  Supermodel Lynette ran home and was happier than a kid at a candy store.  Emma played with skill and grace.  Great to see Eric play and help the team.  Score was 6-0.  We are getting better. We will be returning next season to fight for the gold! - David G

Booze on First was looking for victory number 3 on the season but things didn't go as planned. We got off to a rough start defensively as numerous balls landed in between us allowing the Benchmarks to get an early lead on route to their first victory. Frank the Tank was trying extra hard at shortstop as he was hoping an impressive showing in the game would allow him to get out reffing home for the late game. Needless to say Frank still had to ref. Andrew was robbed of an extra base hit on a great defensive play by the Benchmarks first basemen. Tracy and Natalie each played well as solid kicking allowed them to be virtually our only base runners. - Sam B.

At least he got lei'd

Sacks N Racks Tie Frank's Little Beautes 1-1
Sacks N Racks over Frank's LIttle Beauties 9-1
Franks Little Uglies struggled to score in both games of their double header against Sacks N Racks, plating only one run in each of the two games. The defense held tight in the first game, clawing out a tie, clinching the first seed in the playoffs. Sacks took it to Franks early and often in the second game, as Franks usually tight defense showed some holes. Not a great showing by FLBs - Chris T. 

Brief Student Concerns over Ninja Island 3-2
Ninja Island over Newton Benchmarks 5-2

It was a split evening for the Ninjas, split like a melon sliced by a Katana. After another hard fought battle with Brief Student Concerns which was lost

Run Jenny Run

Just a great shot by Tim. 

narrowly, the Ninjas rebounded by defeating the Newton Benchmarks. Ninjas made some plays and would have won awards if I'd been there. But I wasn't because I was soaking myself in BBQ sauce. Don't judge. - David M. 

Song or Video that Interests Me (And Probably Only Me) 

Has anyone in this kickball league ever seen a chicken?

Miscellany

WE WON! WOO! But since we bet on the other team, 
we can't buy strippers and make it rain in this place.

• PLAYOFFS MUTHAFUCKHAS!
• Please visit here for tonight's schedule. 
• DRINK AT SHOPPER'S WORLD. YAY!
• Thank you Tim as always for your photos. 

Next Week

This blog isn't working out. But it could be a good movie.