THE OFFICIAL NEWSLETTER OF THE MA COMMONWEALTH DIVISION
"The kickball game is afoot"
MYSTERY WEEK: "The magical mystery tour is waiting to take you away, waiting to take you away, take you today." - The Beatles
Table of Contents:
II: Hercule Poirot Never Did a Mailbag
III: I Don't Know You
IV: Communism was a Red Herring
V: Schedule and Standings
VI: Announcements
VII: In the kitchen with the rope and Miss Scarlett, takes on new meaning once you learn what BDSM is.
PART I: "Mystery Girl, keep on faking your mystery world. Cuz the mystery boys will be your toys yeah. The Mystery boys will be your toys." - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Now for the past few weeks in this space, I have been promoting our League's Mid-Season Party. This is of course where the league gets together with it's drink on, raises some money for charity, and has a blast on the league's dime.
In hindsight, I think I've done this job too well. A mere Mid-Season party could not live up to the tremendous amount of crap, I mean hype that I've pumped to the League. However, our faithful Social Chair, Jennie Levangie of the Ball Busters, has taken on my challenge, and thus instead of having merely a Mid-Season Party, she is one upping us all and having a 3/4th Season Party!!!
It takes a lot of time and hard work on Jennie's part to plan a gala so grand, but details are eminent. Stay tuned, for it will be worth it.
PART II: ""There's nothing wrong with my state of mental health. I like it here with my childhood friend;Here they come, those feelings again! Who can it be now?" - Men At Work
To honor the great achievement that our species is, I will continue this find truth-seeking tradition, by getting to some of the questions in our league mailbag.
"Be Honest. When you saw the name Care Scout, did you think that our team name was an homage to the Care Bears?" - Dave C. CareScout.
Sadly yes. I even put the Care Bears Movie on my Netflix queue, made oodles Care Bear Stare jokes to have at the ready, and delved deeply into some research about the product placement wars between Hallmark and American Greetings in the early 1980's. I even pondered if I were a Care Bear, what would have I have tattooed on my belly? (Wordy or Nappy were my top two choices). Then I Googled Care Scout, read the mission statement and was like "You're a company that helps families and business deal with long term elder care solutions? Where's the comedy in that? Awww crap."
By the way, looking back at who owned the various cartoons those of us in our late 20's early 30's watched in the 1980's, it is is stunning to see how much of the crap was merely corporate brainwashing and advertising. Transformers was not a documentary about shape shifting robots meant to save humanity, but just a toy commercial? Ladies and Gentlemen you've just witnessed my innocence trampled and the underpinnings of my emotional life crumble before your very eyes. Product placement. My whole life is nothing but product placement...
Uh. 42.
"Two years ago, the Ball Busters finished in last place. Last year, we made a shocking run to the Semi-finals. Where do you see us going this year?" - Tom C - Ball Busters
Sadly, I was not given the gift of prognostication by the Agnostic Voodoo Priestess who raised me in the back swamps and brackish marshes of suburban Denver. I was simply given a geographically confused world viewpoint, and an uncanny ability to mix metaphors and drinks. So I cannot really answer your question, with any sort of certitude so any answer I give will just be bull crap. (hey, I should work for British Petroleum or Fox News). However, I can say this, one place I KNOW you will be going, is to the Boca Bar.
"Now, David, I know you are a big fan of aptonyms, names that reflect that to which what they
are describing. You were bullish about my team last season, because we were the 'Last Team Standing' and ended up being the last team standing, both in the league and at the bar. However, this year we have already scored 19 runs. Are we still apt?" - Jason K. - Looking to Score. The goal of kickball is to score runs, preferably more runs than the other team. Thus you should always be looking to score. Now on the apt scale I'd give it an 7.5 since while it works during games, at bars, or at airport baggage claims, if/when you win the league, then you are no longer looking to score. You have scored, the ultimate kickball victory.
PART III: "Please understand me. I'm climbin' through the wreckage of all my twisted dreams, but this cheap investigation just can't stifle all my screams. And I'm waitin' at the crossroads, waiting for you, waiting for you. Where are you?" - Guns N' Roses
6:30pm Games:
Wicked Awesome Helicopter Ninjas 3 over Shenanigans 1
PART III: "Please understand me. I'm climbin' through the wreckage of all my twisted dreams, but this cheap investigation just can't stifle all my screams. And I'm waitin' at the crossroads, waiting for you, waiting for you. Where are you?" - Guns N' Roses
6:30pm Games:
Wicked Awesome Helicopter Ninjas 3 over Shenanigans 1
In a game that was as sloppy as two cans of Manwich, the Ninjas rode the Shenanigans like a pony by the score of 3-1.
Game highlights included the unveiling of two secret defensive Ninja alignments which shall hence forth be known as "Full Scale Assault" and "Total World Domination". Both worked exactly as planned, recording outs by confused opposing players, onlookers, umpires and even members of their own team. Brandon won the medallian of strength for breaking the game open with a triple which scored the Ninjas first run. Katie "Dub" W came away with the sword of honor by proving her ninja adaptability, recording a pivotal out during the Assault.
Game lowlights included Ninja arch-nemesis Jeff Federico waiting until last to kick as to avoid the peg-bounty placed upon his head for turning down a Ninja invitation. Though he grounded out to second, he was only pegged in the rear end after being forced out at first, resulting in a failure of the game plan. Before the last inning, the Ninja's calculated there was no way for Jeff to get up without losing the game, so a peg attempt was made at the Shenanigan team bench with poor results.Bring on Mystery Week and two consecutive weeks of Ball Busters. It's like Tom Caddigan awoke and saw his shadow or something.
As for Shenanigans, who are starting to figure out this kickball thing, Ali had a great off the face catch and Becca and Laurie made some clutch catches that stymied the Wicked Awesome Helicopter Ninja Offense. This was all part of Pat's grand master plan, which kept the Ninjas at bay and out in the open. Gabe and O'Toole provided the offense and the laughs as the overcame the footing to get Shenanigans on the board.
Captain Kelly was pleased with the defense, and now all we need is some offense and we've got this league won.
Paul L and Kelly C contributed to this report.
Looking to Score 6 over Wakadamia Nuts 1
However, digging deep into their well of resolve, forged during last year's playoff run, Looking to Score found the Wakadamias tough, but not too tough a nut to crack.
The Nuts were game, and able to score Andrew K. with sacrifice hits by Karen L. and Nicole C. Excellent pitching for four innings by Andrew G. helped hold Looking to Score down, making the six runs they scored very hard earned. the Nuts brought everything to the table, including Team
Looking to Score, obviously focused on this week's match up, offered no comment except to commend the effort of those tough and crazy Wakadamia Nuts.
Jon P contributed to this report.
PART IV: "I staggered back to the underground and the breeze blew back my hair. I remember throwin' punches around and preachin' from my chair. Well, who are you? Who are you? Who, who, who, who? I really wanna know." - The Who
7:15 Games
Care Scout 6 over Ball Busters 3
In a game that featured the teams with the best records, CareScout was the only one to continue their undefeated inaugural season. Behind superb fielding and timely hitting, CareScout kept Ball Busters at bay. After allowing 1 run in the top of the first, CareScout struck back with 3 runs in the bottom half. 
The first 5 men reached base then Alex hit a bases loaded double that scored 2. Dave C worked a rare Kickball walk leading to a sac fly from Andrew to push one more across the plate. CareScout again scored 3 runs in the bottom of the 2nd courtesy of an rbi double by Josh, an rbi groundout by Sheshi, and a sac fly from Captain Dave. On defense, the Carescout team flashed the “leather” with some real web gem’s most notably Brett doing his best David Wright impression at 3rd base stealing a potential double away from the Busters.
Ball Busters made it a game, despite the noted absence of Team Captain and Chief Diver "Shoeless" Tom C. Lead by the Fighting Dahlstroms, Tara and Jamie, the Ball Busters slashed the lead from 6-0 to 6-3, only to see a late inning rally fizzle at the hands of the Care Scout D.
Dave C contributed to this report.
Allen Club 5 over Kicked to the Curb 0 (Forfeit)
Despite being short players, Kicked to the Curb were dressed to the nines, and gamely took on the nickname spouting, pizza slinging, pulling off the robin's egg blue Allen Club. It was a game effort by Kicked to the Curb, lead by Rehab A. getting her first kick of the season, and Eli J playing UZR busting outfield.
Kicked to the Curb demonstrated they cannot be taken lightly, and thus Allen Club has retired to their kitchen of solitude to concoct a new and interesting recipe for their opponents.
Allen Club was rendered speechless this week, mainly to honor the gamey effort of their undermanned yet worthy opponents. Also, they didn't want to tip their hand for this week's rematch.
Said Allen Club head chef, Captain Joshua, "It's like the secret behind Papa Gino's award winning sauce. We don't give that away. But we will gladly share the it with you, especially on one of our large piping hot pan pizzas."
Of course the only thing Kicked to the Curb wants to taste is revenge.
Matt B contributed to this report.
PART V:"You’ve been with the professors. And they’ve all liked your looks. With great lawyers you have discussed lepers and crooks. You’ve been through all of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s books. You’re very well read, it’s well known. Because something is happening here but you don’t know what it is. Do you, Mister Jones?" - Bob Dylan
Standings after 4 Weeks:
(Win, Loss, Tie, Forfeit, Winning Percentage, Runs Allowed, Runs Scored)
1.) Care Scout 4 0 0 0 1.00% 7 19
2.) Looking to Score 3 1 0 0 0.75% 6 19
3.) Wicked Awesome Helicopter Ninjas 3 1 0 0 0.75% 7 21
4.) Ball Busters 3 1 0 0 0.75% 9 24
5.) Allen Club 2 1 0 1 0.31% 16 11
6.) Kicked to the Curb 1 2 0 1 0.06% 24 15
7.) Shenanigans 0 4 0 0 0.00% 20 6
8.) Wakademia Nuts 0 4 0 0 0.00% 35 10
Mystery Week Schedule:
6:30pm
Diamond:
#2 Looking To Score v. #1 Care Scout
(Umps - "Mystery Umps")
Grass:
#6 Kicked To The Curb v. #5 Allen Club
(Umps - Wakademia Nuts)
7:15pm
Diamond:
#4 Ball Busters v. #3 Wicked Awesome Helicopter Ninjas
(Umps: Looking to Score)
Grass:
#8 Wakademia Nuts v. #7 Shenanigans
(Umps: Allen Club)
PART VI: "I know someday you'll have a beautiful life. I know you'll be a sun. In somebody else's sky, but why,why, why can't it be, why can't it be mine ?" - Pearl Jam
Announcements, Announcements, Announcements:
WEATHER: Severe Thunderstorms are forecast. To be forewarned is to be forearmed. And four armed people are awesome and freaky at the same time. Obviously, lighting, hail, torrential and unsafe weather will force us to play it safe. However, unless those actually occur. Game On.
FOOTWEAR: Just a reminder, open toed shoes are not allowed according to WAKA rules. It is a potential safety hazard, and we want to avoid any injuries. Players who do not have proper footwear are ineligible.
BOCA BAR: Last week was a thin night at the Boca Bar due to the Celtics game 7. Roger and his crew at the Boca Bar missed us, so please come out and support our very loyal league partner who treats us well every Thursday night. Did I mention the plantains? Holy crap they are awesome.
HEALTH: To reiterate Tom's point, please all members should take adequate precautions to prevent injuries. Obviously kickball is not the most taxing sport physically, like any exercise it should be after a proper warm up. Stretching is key. We want everyone to be healthy and safe.
BOCA BAR: Last week was a thin night at the Boca Bar due to the Celtics game 7. Roger and his crew at the Boca Bar missed us, so please come out and support our very loyal league partner who treats us well every Thursday night. Did I mention the plantains? Holy crap they are awesome.
PICTURES: League members are encouraged to bring their cameras and send their pics to me at this address macommonwealthwaka@gmail.com Both game action and Boca Bar action are greatly appreciated. Please check out this blog's archives for examples of past seasons. Tip of the cap to Paul for contributing photos this week.
PART VII:"Night falls I’m cast beneath her spell. Daylight comes our heaven’s torn to hell. Am I left to burn, and burn eternally? She’s a mystery to me. She's a mystery girl." - Roy Orbison & Bono
Now that we've reached the halfway point of our season, it is time to take stock and see what mysteries have been revealed. Some teams have it figured out, while others the fog is lifting. Of course with every solution, there are more questions that require answering. Will teams solve CareScout's ace? Will anyone tell the Ninjas that their socks make their calves look fat? Will Allen Club surprise everyone and start promoting Papa Johns or Dominos? Will Shenanigans Score? Will Kicked to the Curb field enough players this week? Will the Wakadamia Nuts be covered in delicious chocolate, like their Macadamia counterparts? Will Looking to Score, find what they are looking for, and will the Ball Busters regain their flip cup title? All this and more as this season hits the home stretch, and the question marks get straightened out into exclamation points!
- David, GMOT Editor, Team Shenanigans
