Ghost Man on Third: Opening Day

THE OFFICIAL NEWSLETTER OF THE MA COMMONWEALTH DIVISION

"KICK WE CAN"

Opening Day: "It was twenty years ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play. They've been going in and out of style. But they're guaranteed to raise a smile. So may I introduce to you, the act you've known for all these years." - The Beatles

Table of Contents:

I: Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Children of Legal Drinking Ages

II: Things Remembered. Things Forgotten. Things Lost in the Couch Cushions

III: I am sick and tired of your rules. When do we get the freaking kickballs?

IV: You Oughta Know

V: Hey It's like Windows 95!

PART I: "Breathe in breathe out. Tied to a wheel fingers got to feel. Bleeding through a tourniquet smile. I spin on a whim slide to the right.I felt you like electric light." - Bush

Welcome friends and fellow Kickabrigians, as we begin the Summer 2010 MA Commonwealth Division kickball season. For you neophytes, GMOT is a

hastily strewn together collection of game recaps, news and notes and things you need to know, plus the ramblings of a barely-literate misanthrope who may or may not be legally sane. Good times!

For our league veterans, welcome back. I trust that your falls, winter, and spring were met with great bounty and happiness and that your hearts, minds, bodies and souls are sufficiently refreshed ready to do battle; to dance the razor thin line between the transcendent elation of victory and soul crushing, bone scraping, hair plucking defeat, that only pure unadulterated adult kickball can bring.

For our new friends, welcome, it's too late to turn back now.And oh, no refunds. HA!

PART II: ""We Are the Champions" playing out on the radio station. Everyone sing along with these anthems of our generation. Cruisin' down Pacific Coast Highway, Put the top down, crawl into the back seat. Let's create anthems of our own tonight." - The Ataris

For many, this may be the first time you've played kickball since you were but a wee child. WAKA is now in it's 11th season, and since the clientele are, at least in theory, adults, I find that it may be helpful to go through some of the similarities and differences between modern kickball, and the game we may remember as children.

Then: You kick the ball with a shod foot.

Now: You tied your own laces this time (hopefully).

Then: The ball was quite bigger than your head.

Now: For some of us, it's as big as our beer bellies.

Then: Games lasted the length of recess or gym class, or until someone got mad and played the "it's my ball, and I'm going home" card. Hated those kids.

Now: 5 innings with no extra innings until the playoffs.

Then: Everyone bunted

Now: Lots of people bunt, but some can actually kick the ball over the teacher's head now.

Then: After the games you had a choice of apple juice or cranberry juice.

Now: After the games you still have a choice of apple juice or cranberry juice. But you can add a lot more "fun" mixers at our league partner The Boca Bar. In addition to their excellent cocktails, they have a fine beer and wine selection as well. Also, instead of graham crackers and orange slices, you can order from their fine menu of Costa Rican delicacies, plus free wings!

Then: At 6:30pm and 7:15pm in the evening was dinner, bath and bed time.

Now: It's game time.

Then: If you had to go potty, you went as a group.

Now: While you are capable of going it alone, with the sketchiness of a public portajohn, you might want some backup. Just in case.

Then: You took a big yellow bus to the game.

Now: You make your own way to 190 Grove St, Waltham Ma. (Except for Tom Caddigan. He still takes the little yellow bus.)

Then: The rules were confusing, you didn't know how to run the bases, and catching the ball was a minor miracle.

Now: This pretty much hasn't changed at all.

PART III: "I'm running down the railway track. Could you help me? Police on my back. They will catch me if I dare drop back. Wont you help me find the speed I lack." - Eddy Grant

Normally, this is where recaps of the previous weeks games would be. Since last week, there was only an informal scrimmage, you probably don't want to read how Team Human Beings thrashed Team People, in a game meant to highlight the finer points of modern kickball.

Next week this space will be filled with recaps penned by our illustrious team captains, filled with photographs of that week's actions. (Hopefully)

So instead of recap, let us take a moment to look at the rules. For those of you who are new to adult kickball (which sounds dirtier than it really is) or need a refresher, here are some of the trickier rules that are helpful to remember.

Kicking:

• The ball can only be kicked in the "box" delineated by the front of home plate and the two cones behind home plate. The plant foot has to be in the box when the ball is struck.
• Four fouls for an out. Three strikes for an out. Four balls for a walk. Strikes do not count towards fouls and vice versa. So if you Youkilis an at bat, you run the count to 3 fouls, 2 strikes and 3 balls and sweat heavily. But please don't.
• The strike zone is the width of the ball to each side of home plate and above. Any ball rolling or bouncing through that zone is a strike.
• The ball is considered kicked if contact is made by the foot or leg below the knee. If the ball is struck by the knee or above, it is automatically a foul ball. However, if a foul ball is caught by the other team before striking the ground, it is an out.

Pitching

• The pitcher's front foot must be behind the pitching rubber when the ball is released.
• The ball must bounce twice before getting to the front of home plate.

Fielding

• There is an imaginary line that runs across the diamond from first base to third base through the pitchers mound. No fielder except the catcher can be in front of that line until the ball is struck by the kicker. This includes the pitcher who's feet must remain behind the pitching rubber until the ball is struck.
• There is no obstruction. Fielders cannot impede the runner in any manner unless making a play for the ball.
• You can "peg" a runner who is not on a base with the ball. However you cannot hit them in the head or neck, unless the runner is sliding.
• When the pitcher on the mound has the ball, the play ends. If a runner is moving towards a base, they can continue to that base. If a runner is off base, but not moving forward they have to go back to the closest base. (Get the ball to the pitcher quickly if you have no play, basically)
• The catcher must stay behind the kicker (and can't interfere with the kicker, obviously) until the ball is kicked by the kicker.

Baserunning

• There is no leading or stealing. Any runner off base when the ball is kicked is automatically out.
• Runners must tag up on fly balls with less than two outs, if they wish to advance a base. Tagging up is either returning to a base to touch it, or staying on the base and not running until the ball is caught.

Other important stuff:

• Teams must have at least 4 males and 4 females fielding at all times. Failure to meet this minimum can result in a forfeit.
• Teams can have a maximum of 11 fielders and must have a minimum of 8.
• All players must kick, and must kick in the same order, regardless if they played the field. (So if 16 players show up, everyone kicks, though only 11 field at any given inning and you can switch up who's in the field so everyone plays)
• Games are 5 innings. 3 outs is a half inning. There are no extra innings in the regular season.
• Home team is determined by Rock Paper Scissors

PART IV: "Boy, the way you blowin' up my phone, Won't make me leave no faster. Put my coat on faster, Leave my girls no faster." - Lady GaGa

Announcements, Announcements, Announcements:

BOCA BAR: As subtlely hinted at early, our League Partner this year will be The Boca Bar, 11 Pine Street, Waltham MA. They've been our partner for two years now, and really put on a good evening for us. There are beer and drink specials, free wings, plus you can order from their really great menu. Let's just say the plantains are worth committing felonies up to and including aggravated assault with a deadly weapon for.

LOWELL FIELD: Our Elysia, as you may notice is located in a thickly settled and vibrant neighborhood in Waltham. Please respect our neighbors, including parking, disposal of trash etc. Please use the facilities provided by the town, or if not, there is a Shaws a few blocks away down Willow St. if you can't wait.

BOCA BAR PARKING: If you are familiar with Waltham, parking can be tough. There are several public lots which are free after 6pm. Here's a rough map of these municpal lots if you can't find parking on the street.

ALCOHOL: To reiterate Tom's email, consumption of alcoholic beverages on public property in Waltham is strictly prohibited, both by law and by WAKA policy. Violation could lead not only to criminal charges, and league wide punishment (removal from games, forfeitures, etc.) but could also be grounds for the City of Waltham to revoke our permit. So when choosing to rehydrate yourself, please use wisdom and discretion. We have a fantastic partner in The Boca Bar for that very purpose.

LEAGUE HELP: The League is always looking for people to help do stuff. If you are interested in helping the league leadership, to make this the best season of WAKA kickball please email Tom. This is your league, and your input is greatly appreciated.

PICTURES: As you can clearly see my droll prose is nothing without pictures. League members are encouraged to bring their cameras and send their pics to me at this address macommonwealthwaka@gmail.com Both game action and Boca Bar action are greatly appreciated. Please check out this blog's archives for examples of past seasons.

T-SHIRTS: League T-shirts will be available from your captains before the start of your games tonight. Please try and arrive a little early so you can get situated. And just in case there aren't enough or they get lost in a random freak car fire for insurance purposes, try and wear a color corresponding to your team's color. Without simple color coding, you can't tell a Wakademia Nut from a Wicked Awesome Helicopter Ninja. (Okay, maybe you can, but only if the Ninjas are in fact wearing helicopters, or those little beanie hats with the propellers. Now that would be cool.)

ROSTERS: If you do not know what team you are on, please login to the official WAKA website. Under your account, the magical internet fairies will make your team and teammates appear.

PART IV: "Ride like the wind at double speed. I'll take you places that you've never, never seen. If you start it up. Love the day when we will never stop, never stop never, never, never stop. Cause you, you, you make a grown man cry. You, you make a dead man come." - The Rolling Stones

The season begins tonight. Please keep an eye on your email for any inclement weather updates, but the forecast looks solid for the rest of the afternoon. Good luck to everyone, and most importantly have fun. The long and winding road to Kickballian Glory begins tonight!

- David, GMOT Editor, Team Shenanigans