The Award Winning Official Newsletter of the MA Commonwealth Division
"What hurts you, blesses you. Kickball is your candle."
I: Just Cause it's Po'ele'ele, don't mean the Party's Over!
II: Light Dawns on Seaside town near Swampscott
III: Not Ruined Like Tim Burton Ruined Dark Shadows
IV: Tis the East, and Kickball is the Sun
V: Standings and Schedule
VI: Announcements
VII: A Dark Night Rises
PART I: "Get with the high vibration,electrocuted blues. Now there's a white light shining,around that stereo. I can feel the floorboards shakin',now it's about to blow. Let's go!" - The Mooney Suzuki
Before the sun sets completely on this season, remember to keep in mind the following two league events.
DATE: FRIDAY AUGUST 17th
TIME: 7:00 PM until the Drinks Run Out
LOCATION: The Hong Kong at Fanuiel Hall
WHO: Registered League Members and Guests
View the Facebook Invite with all the Details Here.
This is followed by the MA Commonwealth All-Star Game on Thursday August 23rd!
Well gang, tonight's the night. The final ascent to Immortal Kickball Glory is upon us. With the tensions ramped up even higher as we all quest to drink from the sweet chalice of victory, rather than suck from the beer soaked burlap sack of defeat, League Commissioner Paul likes to hold a skype conference call with the league captains to go over the rules, and make sure everyone is on the same page. Unfortunately due to bandwidth restrictions (and a strong GMOT prohibition against transmission of full frontal nudity, especially his own) GMOT cannot present the video. But thanks to several dedicated monkey interns*, we do have a transcript we can share with you, the reader.
ILANA AND ALLISON: Oops
PAUL: Come on, let's focus. In case a game goes to extra innings, the rules change to make it easier to score.
ILANA and ALLISON: And girls. Or transvestites, transsexuals, or those who are simply androgynous by no fault of their own. This is an all inclusive league, not a Chick-fil-A or Dennys.
PAUL: Dammit Jason. Put your damn shirt back on. No one is high or naked right now...Right gang? Wait. Don't answer that. MOVING ON. If the allotted time for the game runs out or the game has to be called due to darkness, the winner will be decided by rock paper scissors. Three players from each team will pair off and take one throw to determine the winner. Understood?
PAUL: No. Try to have everyone in official WAKA gear... from this season.
VICKIE: Oh burn. (High fives JESS) Of course, you're crazy. Bears can't fly.
VICKIE: No.
6:30 Games
Pumped Up Kicks 2 tied Dirty Mike and the Boys 2
There was a lot of hype and buildup in the epic rematch between the Kickin' Nuggets and We've Got the Runs, but once again for the Runs they didn't have any as we were shut out yet again, losing 2-0. Our defense was solid but we weren't able to get anyone on base. Andrew and Mike D both pitched well and our defense helped us get out of 2 bases loaded situations to keep us in a tight game.
END OF SEASON LUAU PARTY!
DATE: FRIDAY AUGUST 17th
TIME: 7:00 PM until the Drinks Run Out
LOCATION: The Hong Kong at Fanuiel Hall
WHO: Registered League Members and Guests
WHAT: WAKA has the tab covered for most of the evening so drink responsibly, heartily and remember to TIP THE BARTENDERS!
View the Facebook Invite with all the Details Here.
This is followed by the MA Commonwealth All-Star Game on Thursday August 23rd!
Come watch the craziness that has been brewing in the mind of league rep Paul as a team consisting of Ninjapocalypse Now, Dirty Mike and The Boys, Looking to Bust Balls and Kickin Nuggets takes on the team of Pumped Up Kicks, Don't Come on My Base!, We've Got the Runs, and Teleballin'.
PART II: "Here we go again playing the fool again. Here we go again, acting hard, again.Well I'm beginning to see the light." - Velvet Underground
PART II: "Here we go again playing the fool again. Here we go again, acting hard, again.Well I'm beginning to see the light." - Velvet Underground
Date: Tuesday August 7, 2012
Time: 8:37:46pm EDT
PAUL: Greetings Captains. Thank you for meeting like this...uh, I want to remind some of you, that this is a video meeting. I can see you, and some of you might want to put on clothes. Thank Elvis that Tim isn't here to take a picture of this. Though I all hope you check out his album here. This is not that kind of league and or meeting. (He says horrified)
SAM: Oops
JESS: Oops
BDO: Oops
MEGHAN: Oops
JASON: Oops
VICKIE: Oops
DAVID: Oops
PAUL: (averting eyes) Anyway, I just want to go over some of the added rules and procedures so we are all on the same fully clothed page. First off, teams with the higher seed pick whether they want to kick first or defend first.
MEGHAN: WOO-HOO! WE GET TO CHOOSE WHETHER WE GET UP FIRST!
PAUL: No, Teleballin' does not. The Ninjas are the higher seed in your matchup, so it's their choice.
JESS: Wait, I agree with Megan that does not make sense. 8 is greater than 1.
PAUL: No. It means the team with the best record gets to pick. Not which team's ranking is greater numerically. That's what I mean by higher.
JASON: Who's getting high? I didn't think this was that kind of a meeting (takes shirt back off)
PAUL: NO. NOBODY IS GETTING HIGH. AND PLEASE PUT YOUR SHIRT BACK ON!
VICKIE: Whatever! WE ARE PUMPED UP for the playoffs because we are PUMPED UP KICKS WOO!
PAUL: Great. Anyway, games are five innings, and there can be extra innings in case the game is tied. However extra innings gets tricky...Yes, David?
DAVID: You mean illusions Paul. Tricks are what whores do for money. Or so I'm told.
SAM: I like magic. One time I read the book David Copperfield by Charles Dickens. I was greatly disappointed. It didn't reveal the secret to any tricks, like how he walked through the Great Wall of China, or got Claudia Schiffer to marry him. Despite our name "We've Got The Runs" we've been shut out five times this year, so I'm looking for any trick I can find to help us score runs.
DAVID: Sam, you mean illusions. Tricks are what whores do for money. Or so I'm told.
BDO: Any run that We've Got the Runs scores has to be an illusion. AMIRIGHT? HEY-YO!(Goes to cyber high five Vickie, realizes the heated rivalry between Pumped Up Kicks and Dirty Mike and the Boys and pulls his hand backs and starts to whistle quietly to himself.)
DAVID: Which can also be done by exchanging money for services with a prostitute, which is called a trick. Or so I'm told.
PAUL: Again, must I remind you that this is not that kind of meeting. Listen, we have to focus. I have to watch the synchronized dressage and I want to get this done soon. Anyway, in the extra inning, a team can only field eight fielders, four male, four female. For the kicking team, the person who was at bat when the last out was made, gets to start on second base, and the kicking order continues from there. Understood?
JESS: What about the time? I mean extra innings can go for a really long times. I mean, imagine it's a 0-0 tie with We've Got the Runs. I mean, they're never going to score. Do they just concede?
SAM: HEY! We got some runs. We were just lousy with their distribution, that's all.
MEGHAN: So you weren't regular?
DAVID: HA! I used that joke in a GMOT! You read it! THIS IS WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE WHEN DOVES CRY! (Cyber hi-fives Meghan)
PAUL: Oh Good Lemmy. This is devolving quickly. More quickly than last year. Anyway, listen guys...
BDO: Speaking of which, anyone hungry? Not from there, but man, I could sure go for some Chinese food, or maybe some burritos. I know what. Pancakes.
PAUL: Gang, come on. We can get food after we're done. Let's keep focused.
MEGHAN: I could go for some Indian.
SAM: Me too. Or Pakistani. You never see many Pakistani places. I wonder why.
JASON: I don't know how we can stay focused with all these naked people who are getting high and talking about food.
JESS: I don't get how paper beats rock. I mean it's a rock. It should beat paper. It has to be some sort of trick.
PAUL: David, don't you even say it.
DAVID: C'MON!
PAUL: Anyway, I also want to talk about respect. The playoffs get a bit heated, and we've already been a bit heated so far this summer. Remember for teams that have to umpire, make sure you know the rules, and try to have three people there to cover home, first and third. Captains, remind your teams that only you can
ALLISON AND ILANA: PREVENT FOREST FIRES!
PAUL: No. Remind your teammates that only captains and co-captains can argue a call, and keep tempers down and respect the umpires. We are all humans. Except for the bears.
ALLSION AND ILANA: At least can we dress up as Smokey The Bear?
ALLISON AND ILANA: Well can Smokey the Bear at least play for us?
BDO: Dibs on The Bear from the movie The Bear!
SAM: Damn. I wanted him. I'll draft noted boxer Max Baer
MEGHAN: No I did not know that. But Sam, sorry you can only draft real or cartoon bears. No boxers.
JASON: Did someone say, no boxers? Now it's my kind of party!
PAUL: PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON!
JESS: Hey, I'll draft Baloo. He could fly a plane, at least in the Ducktales spin-off Tailspin. Of course he couldn't even airlife We've Got the Runs some runs...
 |
BDO: What if the bear was flying a plane named Dikta?
VICKIE: It's like a freakin' country bear jamboroo around here.
JESS: Let bears play the bear tax. I play the home owners tax!
DAVID: LET'S GO BRUINS
PAUL: ENOUGH! No BEARS. NO NON PLAYERS. IN FACT CAPTAINS SHOULD BE PREPARED TO EXCHANGE LINEUPS BEFORE THE GAME. NOW ARE THERE ANY MORE QUESTIONS SO WE CAN END THIS BIT AND GET ONTO WATCHING HORSES DO THEIR TRICKS IN DRESSAGE
DAVID: You mean illusions. Tricks are what...
PAUL: (GLARES AT DAVID)
DAVID: ...No.
ALLISON AND ILANA: No.
MEGHAN: No.
BDO: No.
SAM: No.
JESS: No.
JASON: Now can I take my shirt back off, And get this party started? Woo!
PAUL: Dear Bog! This one is over.
DAVID: Did someone mention pancakes?
JESS: Do you think bears like pancakes?
[end call]
PART III: "My father's house shines hard and bright it stands like a beacon calling me in the night. Calling and calling, so cold and alone. Shining 'cross this dark highway where our sins lie unatoned. - Bruce Springsteen
6:30 Games
In the first Rivalry week challenge matchup, the two teams took the rivalry to heart, as the two teams reprised their 2-2 tie from earlier in the season, and things got a little heated along the way. Despite the inflamed passions, it was a well played game between two excellent teams.
Kickin' Nuggets 2 over We've Got the Runs 0
There was a lot of hype and buildup in the epic rematch between the Kickin' Nuggets and We've Got the Runs, but once again for the Runs they didn't have any as we were shut out yet again, losing 2-0. Our defense was solid but we weren't able to get anyone on base. Andrew and Mike D both pitched well and our defense helped us get out of 2 bases loaded situations to keep us in a tight game.
Sam contributed this report.
Don't Come on My Base 8 over Looking to Bust Balls 3
In a preview of the opening round of the playoffs, DCOMB decided to go with throwback jerseys, arriving in a rainbow that rivaled the amazing technicolor dreamcoat. With red and green and blue and brown and white and navy and pink, no one was more confused than our infield. After some costly errors, including assuming the referee was part of our plethora of pigments, we were down 3-1 to the strong defensive unit led by no less than 4 Dahlstroms. A strong kick by Danny cleared the bases to create a slim lead going into the final inning, which was blown open by a grand slam, Steve's second home run of the game, proving that our votes for the all-star game were not in vain.
Having secured the number one seed and a date with Teleballin' in the first round, the Ninjapocalypse Now decided to try and confuse Teleballin' with fear and surprise. However Teleballin' despite being neither cowed nor confused, held the Ninjas to one run in the first inning. Ditching fear and surprise the Ninjas were then able to score six and three runs in the 2nd and 3rd to put the game away. Hadley came home with the Ninja Aeronautical Space Awesomenauts Suit for her big kicks and defensive prowess. The Indefatigable Can of Spam went to Ryan who did a little bit of everything, scoring, pitching and catching everything in the outfield. And the Helmet of The Horror, The Horror went to Jeff, for his continued achievements in the field of space exploration, sensible public policy formation, and increasing the number of pitches seen per at bat.
PART V: "Try and hit the spot. Get to know it in the dark. Get to know it whether you're,Crying, crying, crying, oh, oh. Can you climb, climb, climb higher? - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
PLAYOFF QUARTER FINALS Schedule:
Standings:
PART VI: "Heavy morals seem so light but when it comes to cash I'm gonna die all right!"- The Hives
Announcements, Announcements Announcements
TIME: Since extra innings are now in play as we move into the playoffs, it is essential games start on time. The 6:30 game will start no later than 6:45. The 7:15 game (provided that the first game is over) starts no later than 7:20. So please have minimum four males and four males to the field by the start time or a forfiet will be declared.
PHOTOS: Special thanks again to to Tim for his photographic skill. He's really brought a great element to this year's season. Please check out the full album from last week here.
BOCA: Only three weeks left to show BOCA your appreciation for their support of this league.
PART VII: "May the good lord shine a light on you. Make every song your favourite tune. May the good lord shine a light on you. Warm like the evening sun." - The Rolling Stones
As editor, this is always the saddest edition of the GMOT for me, because after tonight four teams will be eliminated, their summer season over, their dream of a life filled with the light of Immortal Kickball Glory shrouded by the darkness of untimely defeat.
So I'd like to take this moment to thank Mike G, my fellow captain of the Ninjapocalypse Now, Vickie B of Pumped Up Kicks, BDO of Dirty Mike and the Boys, Ilana and Allison of Don't Come on My Base!, Jason of Looking to Bust Balls, Sam of We've Got the Runs, Jess of Kickin' Nuggets, and Megan of Teleballin' for all their hard work this season. For those of you who have seen the (shameless plug) performance of the Commonwealth Shakespeare Company's production of Coriolanus currently playing until August 12th on the Common, you'll know that the opening line is "What is the city, but the people?" Well, what is the kickball league but the teams? I'm pleased at the participation and light-hearted seriousness with which this season has come off so far, and the league captains have been instrumental in making this a successful season. Thank you!
Good Luck and Happy Kicking,
- David, GMOT Editor
*No monkeys were harmed in the crafting of this GMOT. One did slip on a banana, but he's always been a bit of a klutz, and all the monkeys had a good laugh. One even exclaimed "how cliche"
PART IV: "And grow accustomed to the darkness. And see what you're supposed to see. Head up straight. I know what I'm doing. Head up straight. I know what I'm doing." - Charlotte Martin
7:15 Games
Don't Come on My Base 8 over Looking to Bust Balls 3
Erik contributed this report
Ninjapocalypse Now 9 over Teleballin' 2
David contributed this report.
PART V: "Try and hit the spot. Get to know it in the dark. Get to know it whether you're,Crying, crying, crying, oh, oh. Can you climb, climb, climb higher? - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
PLAYOFF QUARTER FINALS Schedule:
Equipment to the Field: We've Got the Runs
6:30PM
Dirt:
#3 Dirty Mike and the Boys v. #6 We've Got the Runs
Referee: Kickin' Nuggets
Grass:
#4 Don't Come on My Base! v. #5 Looking to Bust Balls
Referee: Teleballin'
7:15pm
Dirt:
#2 Pumped Up Kicks v. #7 Kickin' Nuggets
Referee: We've Got the Runs!
Grass:
#1 Ninjapocalypse Now v. #8 Teleballin'
Referee: Looking to Bust Balls
Equipment to the Bar: Ninjapocalypse Now
Standings:
PART VI: "Heavy morals seem so light but when it comes to cash I'm gonna die all right!"- The Hives
Announcements, Announcements Announcements
TIME: Since extra innings are now in play as we move into the playoffs, it is essential games start on time. The 6:30 game will start no later than 6:45. The 7:15 game (provided that the first game is over) starts no later than 7:20. So please have minimum four males and four males to the field by the start time or a forfiet will be declared.
PHOTOS: Special thanks again to to Tim for his photographic skill. He's really brought a great element to this year's season. Please check out the full album from last week here.
BOCA: Only three weeks left to show BOCA your appreciation for their support of this league.
PART VII: "May the good lord shine a light on you. Make every song your favourite tune. May the good lord shine a light on you. Warm like the evening sun." - The Rolling Stones
As editor, this is always the saddest edition of the GMOT for me, because after tonight four teams will be eliminated, their summer season over, their dream of a life filled with the light of Immortal Kickball Glory shrouded by the darkness of untimely defeat.
So I'd like to take this moment to thank Mike G, my fellow captain of the Ninjapocalypse Now, Vickie B of Pumped Up Kicks, BDO of Dirty Mike and the Boys, Ilana and Allison of Don't Come on My Base!, Jason of Looking to Bust Balls, Sam of We've Got the Runs, Jess of Kickin' Nuggets, and Megan of Teleballin' for all their hard work this season. For those of you who have seen the (shameless plug) performance of the Commonwealth Shakespeare Company's production of Coriolanus currently playing until August 12th on the Common, you'll know that the opening line is "What is the city, but the people?" Well, what is the kickball league but the teams? I'm pleased at the participation and light-hearted seriousness with which this season has come off so far, and the league captains have been instrumental in making this a successful season. Thank you!
Good Luck and Happy Kicking,
- David, GMOT Editor
*No monkeys were harmed in the crafting of this GMOT. One did slip on a banana, but he's always been a bit of a klutz, and all the monkeys had a good laugh. One even exclaimed "how cliche"
