Summer Edition - Shitloads of Money Blues

The  Award Winning Official Newsletter of the MA Commonwealth Division

"I'd like to live as a poor kickball player with lots of money"  

The Week Eight: "It's nice to be liked. But it's better by far to get paid. I know that most of the friends that I have don't really see it that way. But if you could give 'em each one wish, how much do you wanna bet? They'd wish success for themselves and their friends and that would include lots of money." - Liz Phair


Table of Contents: 

I: Just Leave the Check on the Dresser.

II: Recaps
III: Schedule and Standings
IV: Announcements
V: Straight Cash Homey

PART I: "If you wanna go and take a ride wit me. We three-wheelin in the fo' with the gold D's. Oh why do I live this way? (Hey, must be the money!)" - Nelly

As the Powerball jackpot approaches the $500 million dollar mark, lottery fever will once again grip people, with the media and the states pushing people to spend money on absurdly low chances, for the chance of winning a life-altering sum. The societal benefits of state run lotteries are mixed to negative, and an individual's odds of winning are so small as to be ludicrous, yet we buy into the fantasy every time. 

The only real winner in every lottery is Shirley Jackson. For those of you who endured high school literature, or watched The Simpsons in their first 10 season, you know Jackson well. In 1948 she wrote the most controversial short story in the history of the New Yorker, "The Lottery." Set in a small town modeled after Bennington, VT, every year the town would hold a lottery. Instead of fulfilling the caviar dreams and champagne wishes (does anyone else remember "The Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous". It was like MTV Cribs, but only with taste.) the winner of the lottery would *SPOILER* be stoned to death by the townsfolk. Hopefully as people google about the lottery, they'll take the time to read this dark, chilling work of modern American literature. 

With that said, since I am winning this powerball, I've decided to give gifts to each team. And since I will be filthy stinking rich, these gifts will be over the top in the finest tradition of TGS with Tracy Jordan star, Tracy Jordan. (Hey, I'm getting more current with my TV references. 30 Rock only ended this spring! Unlike last week when I shamelessly pimped a show whose finally aired in 1993.) 

Pecan Sandies: Last year, as Dirty Mike and the Boys, you battled for the league championship dressed in rags, jorts, cut-offs, and other fashion flotsam and jetsom.  Africans living in unfathomable poverty due to war, famine, and the horrors of post-Colonialistic Africa, who accept discarded hockey jerseys and the championship gear of the teams that lose America's sports titles (I just know that when I go to Africa, I will see a boy wearing a 2013 Boston Bruins Stanley Cup Championship t-shirt, and I will weep. Weep.) to wear, wouldn't even want what you wore last year. So to lift up your spirits and brighten your lives, I will dress you in luxury, with the authentic costumes worn by Michael Douglas and Matt Damon in "Behind the Candelabra" the documentary about the life of Liberace. And for the team captain, I'll even purchase the suit that Liberace was cryogenically frozen in! Instead of shaming your opponents with poverty, you can now blind them with luxury! And these new duds will be hand delivered by Danny Devito himself. Now, you may have to do some kinky things to get them from him, but hey, it's the thought that counts. Right?

Saved By The Balls: You guys are awesome. And to celebrate your awesomeness, you will each get personalized greetings from none other than your former Principal Mr. Belding. Also not only will the greeting be personalized for you, the script will be written by none other than Joe Esterhaus, the screen writer behind Basic Instinct and the Elizabeth Berkeley vehicle to mediocrity Showgirls! This will then be followed by the delivery of 1 dozen cupcakes sprinkled with 18 carat edible goal leaf, brought to you by none other than Dustin Diamond and Mario Lopex, because well, they were available. 

Don't Come on My Base: First in your showcase, will be properly colored neon green shirts....HANDMADE BY AMERICANS AND NOT BY A BANGLEDESHI CHILDREN BURIED IN THE RUBBLE OF POORLY CONSTRUCTED FACTORY. (Too soon?) You will be able to wear your new threads on a regulation WAKA kickball field build on a levitating platform, so you are able to hover all across the Greater Boston area while challenging teams to play aerial kickball games (and avoiding pigeons). And don't worry for those of you not cleared to fly a kickball field, your new field will be piloted by none other than Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger, the pilot who safely landed his plane in the Hudson River. The stewards and stewardesses on your fight will be the cast of the MTV's Real World, Season II. 

Slim Kickins: Since your team name is one of those really boring kickball puns, that offers this newsletter very little to work with (seriously, you can only go to the minor character in a Steinbeck novel well only so often) I've decided to hire the minds at Mad Men's Sterling Cooper to rebrand your team, and come up with a kickball name that not only is sexy, but it will be a name that you can all have actual sexual intercourse with.It will be like Max Power and one of those creepy Tracy Jordan sex-dolls rolled up into one!  

Legion of Doom: This was something we've been working on for awhile, but Stephen had to use it last night after the Daft Punk Debacle. Oh well, everyone needs a little Henry Kissinger in their lives. 

Boca Cabana: For you guys, the only thing that makes sense is your own Costa Rican themed restaurant in Waltham. However instead of simply re-opening Boca Bar, we are going all out. This new restaurant will feature space for more than four people, working beer tabs, bathrooms in the back instead of awkwardly off to the side, and actual erupting volcano with "magma" (If you do not say "Magma with the same intonation as Dr. Evil, you are very young and I am very old.) 


Menace 2 Sobriety: For your lottery showcase, you will first receive a trip to the legendary Betty Ford Clinic, so you can be all sobered up for your mind blowing trip to LAS VEGAS!. You will spend four days in room right below the Real World: Las Vegas suite at The Palms (now that it has been disinfected and no longer causes contact clap). You will star in your own Las Vegas show, a mash up production of Thunder from Down Under and Mamma Mia known as "Thunder in Your Mamma, Mia: The Frank Roth Story" with the music written by Marvin Hamlisch' non-unionized Ukranian equivalent п'яний фортепіано, and directed by the legendary Esteban Spielbergo. After your one night only performance, you will then be whisked to the 5am show at Cheetahs, followed by breakfast at the Golden Girls Themed Restaurant "Blanche" now open at The Hooters Casino, perform in a court TV re-enactment of the Binion trial, and be personally escorted to each location by Pete Rose and one of the Kardashian....cousins! 

Melon Farming Ninjas: As your team captain, I reward you every week with my wisdom, presence, awards, aprons of famous Renaissance statues and of course, my precious bodily fluids. (Ewwww) Still, I love you guys, so I've hired famed artists Christo and Jeanne-Claude, the renowned artists who once covered the Reichstag in Berlin in fabric (oh no, not the Reichstag) to cover Lowell Field with Melons dressed as....wait for it.... Ninjas! Oh and Christo and Jeanne-Claude will not use just any melons, but the famous and rare Dansuke melons from Japan, whose seeds were planted by none other than Emperor Hirohito himself ON THE DAY PEARL HARBOR WAS BOMBED THE DAY VOLTRON FIRST AIRED. This is of course accompanied by your own Voltron costumes and producer credits on the Voltron movie that should be in production. Holla! My Ninjas.

(Editor's Note: I did not win the lottery. So now I return to my day job of manually masturbating exotic animals for the purpose of commercial food additives and other industrial uses. Today's species: The Echidna. Which reminds me, I hope you all enjoy your Starbucks today.) 


PART II:  "I filled my pockets now I might as well - Die! cause I found the backdoor out of teenage hell - all right! Filed my account cause I might in fact - Die! But I rely on science, yeah to bring me back - all right. I-I-I-I 'm gonna die-die-die-die. Heavy morals seem so light but when it comes to cash I'm gonna die all right!" - The Hives

Legion of Doom 6 over Don't Come on My Base 2


It’s nice isn’t it? To stand out here on a kickball field. … I couldn’t stand looking through the fridge trying to find room for all that beer we’re gonna drink in the next few days. … I just can’t let anything get fucked up in these next few days, cause that’s all anybody will ever remember about DCOMB. There’s one thing you could always say about DCOMB even when we are losing; that team is fun. When I got outta the car at Shoppers, you know after DCOMB lost, I remember I was more afraid of drinking a whole tower than I ever was of being up to kick. I loved DCOMB, the most. ‘Cause when we were playin’ on that field that night, it was like we were the last two teams on earth. Excited. Wanting. And it’s really starting to piss me off, WAKA, because I can’t cry that we lost. My own little team and I can’t even cry for them. … I just want to win one more time. We were season fuckin’ champs last year.....

......Okay, so perhaps it's not best to watch Mystic River right before writing a recap. - Ilana M-M.


Pecan Sandies 3 over Menace 2 Sobriety 0

The Pecan Sandies manufactured a 3-0 victory over Menace 2 Sobriety during Week 6 play at Lowell Playground. In his return game, after a month’s long break away from the team, Tim O was the Pecan MVP going 2 for 2 with a run scored, rbi, and injecting the team with much needed energy. Kristina also provided the team with a nice bunt single, allowing Tedeschi to make a mad dash around the bases that included a beautiful head first slide into third base. After a week off, BDO returned to the hill rested and it showed in him pitching a CGSHO, thanks to some solid outfield defense provided by Derek, Forge, and Tyler. - Jason K.

Menace 2 Sobriety narrowly avoided having to forfeit as we were able to lure Melissa to the game. Luckily for us she showed up as she made some amazing catches in the outfield. Unfortunately our offense didn't show up as we were shutout for the first time this season. Val was able to get to first on an infield hit. Despite his best effort to not bat and not try Frank "The Tank" kicked a solid single to the outfield. Our defense kept it close. Steve and Tracy each made great catches in the outfield and Val played well at second base. Mike made a nice play at catcher to get a runner out at home.- Sam B. 

Boca Cabana 6 over Saved By the Balls 0

Last Thursday, Lowell Field was the place to be. There was a kickball battle between the Boca Cabana and Saved by the balls. The Staff from both The Boca Bar and The Max were in attendance along with the dog from the movie Beethoven. The battle between the Boca Cabana and Saved by the balls was a hard fought one. Neither team scored runs early as the defense was outstanding. It wasn't until the third inning that Boca was able to put together a big inning fueled by a monster homerun by first year player Dave M. The rest of the game was defense as both teams' sprayed balls into the outfield forcing players like Ashley M. into making diving and sliding catches as the game came to a close. The players and fans fled to Shoppers cafe to watch Boca Cabana force their captain to try every shot they could think of for his birthday. - Andrew B. 

Slim Kickins 4 over Melon Farming Ninjas 1


Two wins in a row for Slim Kickins as they upset the Ninjas 4-1. It was a heated pitching match, but Machine Gun Melly closed it out and only let one run score. Slim Kickins took the early lead, but the Ninjas tied it up in the top of the 2nd. SK was able to score 3 more runs and hold the lead. Slim Kickins had some crucial defensive plays by Scott(s), Craig, Matt, and Brian. Both teams seemed shocked by the outcome, but it was an overall great matchup.- Megan S

It was a tough week for the Ninjas as a valiant and fiesty Slim Kickins team was able to hold them to just a single run. It was not as if the Ninjas had their chances, as they were able to get base runners on in every inning except the 5th. However lack of the big hit bit them in the butt, like a rabid bunny guarding a cave in a Monty Python movie. (RUNAWAY!) Play of the game went to Jeff, whose acrobatic near catch was immortalized in photographs by Tim, and the source of much enjoyment by his friends and well wishers around the world. Soild play by Jen E, who is having a League MVP caliber season, Big Nick, and regular sized Nick was noteworthy as was Jacqui's production from the lead off spot. - David M.  


PART III: "You play the guitar on the MTV. That ain't workin' that's the way you do it
Money for nothin' and your chicks for free." - Dire Straights

Standings:

View full standings here: 

Schedule:

6:30PM

Diamond:
Pecan Sandies v. Melon Farming Ninjas  - Ref Legion of Doom

Grass:
Menace 2 Sobriety v. Boca Cabana- Ref Don't Come on My Base

7:15PM

Diamond 
Saved By The Balls v. Legion of Doom- Ref Melon Farming Ninjas

Grass
Slim Kickins v. Don't Come on My Base - Ref Boca Cabana

PART IV: "Hey little girl, you broke the laws. You hustle, you deal, you steal from us all. Come on come on, love me for the money. Come on, come on. listen to the money talk. Money talks." - AC/DC

Announcements, Announcements Announcements

SHOPPER'S CAFE: Come to Shoppers. Stay for the Mystery Week Schedule Reveal!

PHOTOS: Gimme Photos! Here:

SUNLIGHT: As we move deeper into August we will lose the sun. So please get to the field on time so we can start games and avoid shortened games. This is especially important during the playoffs.

ANTI-SOCIAL MEDIA: Follow the league on Twitter and Facebook. 

PART V: "Money it's a crimeShare it fairly but don't take a slice of my pie. Money so they say, Is the root of all evil today. But if you ask for a raise it's no surprise that they're giving none away." - Pink Floyd
 Can't do a money themed Ghost Man without Cash. Johnny "MF" Cash, that is with a bonus of a little Clash, just to keep us honest. Cause I just like to live that way, and love to steal your money. 

Good luck and happy kicking,
- David, GMOT Editor

Summer Edition - The Cliff Clavin Blues

The  Award Winning Official Newsletter of the MA Commonwealth Division

"I'll Kick You In Hell"  

The Week Seven "There's no rule against postal workers not dating women. It just works out that way." 

Table of Contents: 
I: Address Not Found

II: Recaps
III: Schedule and Standings
IV: Announcements
V: Archibald Leach, Bernard Schwartz and Lucille LeSueur


PART I: "I wonder if you know that the harp is a predecessor of the modern day guitar. Early minstrels were much larger people. In fact, they had hands the size of small dogs."

A yearly tradition here at the GMOT is the highly original never before done or seen on another website mailbag. In last week's GMOT we discussed at great lengths the trials and tribulations of being Award Winning Kickball Related Newsletter Writing Celebrities. And while there are great joys to this life; condor egg omelets, Fabrege egg conventions, celebrity parties on Great Egg in Long Island, we get a lot of mail. And since we are so fabulously famous kickball blog writers, our mail is hand delivered personally by Clifford Clavin, the mailman/bar know-it-all, whose life enthralled us in the work place documentary "Cheers." So instead of giving him cash for his customary National Egg-Day tip, we are dedicating this year's mailbag to Cliff. 

Wait, what? You lost the mail? Are you kidding me? No wonder the postal service is bankrupt. Kramer (not Ben) was right. 

(Editor's note. This is me mailing in the newsletter this week. It is the week before Shark Week, and I've been too busying preparing.) 

PART II: "If you were to go back in history and take every president, you'll find that the numerical value of each letter in their name was equally divisible into the year in which they were elected. By my calculations, our next president has to be named Yellnick McWawa." 

Legion of Doom 7 over Menace to Sobriety 4

Despite pouring rain Menace 2 Sobriety was able to get 12 dedicated kickballers to show up and brave the elements to take on the Legion of Doom. It wasn't your typical game as you had fielders holding umbrellas in one hand while trying to make catches with the other. Marcus started on the mound for us in place of Andrew. We fell behind 4-0 early on but were slowly able to mount a comeback and bring the game to 4-3. Unfortunately we collapsed in the last inning letting 3 more runs score to ultimately lose 7-4. Tracy beat out a throw to first and eventually scored our first run of the game. Vivek had 2 solid kicks driving in 2 runs. Sam drove in a run with a single up the middle. Brian K scored our other run. Defensively Natalie made an amazing play in left field as she kicked the ball to the third basemen to gun down a runner trying to advance. Kevin made a solid catch in right, Andrew played well at third, and Melissa had a good game at short. - Sam B. 

Slim Kickins 13 over Saved By the Balls 3

Slim Kickins 13 - Saved By the Balls 3. Lucky for Slim Kickins this game wasn't cancelled due to the monsoon hovering Waltham. Slim Kickins took it's first victory this season (and ever).  Props to Caleb R  who kicked a gland slam to take the lead in the second inning.  Solid pitching from Steve M and Scott S.  And an all around great effort to the team for putting in a great effort during the rain. - Meghan S. 

Don't Come on My Base 3 over Pecan Sandies 2

Thanks to the 2013 version of El Niño, DCOMB captains Alison and Ilana had to devise a last minute plan that may have stranded Andrea in the outfield sitting in a chair with crutches and an umbrella, until soft-speaking hard-kicking Meghan arrived at the last minute to avoid the forfeit. The replay of last year's championship game was worthy enough to clear the clouds away for a muddy grudge match. Strong pitching by #1 Overall Draft Pick Matt held the Pecan Sandies to only one run. The muddy field almost scored one when Zif had a hard fall at first base, but Steve "I carry people off the field" Smith lived up to his namesake. Smart fielding by Andrew B and Nicole kept it within 1 run to the fifth inning, where two runs were scored including a someone possibly named Benny Rodriguez stole home on a bunt. No tutu's were harmed during the playing of this game. - Erik S. 

Boca Cabana 10 over Melon Farming Ninjas 6

Weatherman by Day, League Rep by Night, and Hand Model when he can get work, Paul predicted the rain would stop by 6:30 last Thursday night. He was only off by 45 minutes, which isn't too bad really, unless of course you played in the first games. The skies cleared, and Ninjas were roused from their galoshes, rain proof bio domes, and in the case of Jeff, metamorphized from a duck with a drinking problem and foot fetish named Archibald. (The normal pronunciation). These changes were eye opening, refreshing, metaphysically impossible, and most importantly did nothing to help the Ninjas win. In fact they ran into a the fabulous Boca Cabana would put a seven spot up in the second inning and didn't look back from there. The water logged Ninjas did not suffer any shrinkage as if they'd been in a pool, and fought back, getting the tying run to the plate in the top of the 5th, but alas it was not to be this night. - David M. 

PART III: "It's a little known fact that smartest animal is a pig. Scientists say if pigs had thumbs and a language, they could be trained to do simple manual labor. They give you 20-30 years of loyal service and then at their retirement dinner you can eat them." 

Standings:

View full standings here: 

Schedule:

6:30PM

Diamond:
Saved By The Balls v. Boca Cabana  - Ref Melon Farming Ninjas

Grass:
Don't Come on My Base v. Legion of Doom- Ref Menace 2 Sobriety

7:15PM

Diamond 
Slim Kickins v. Melon Farming Ninjas- Ref Saved By The Balls 

Grass
 Menace 2 Sobriety v. Pecan Sandies - Ref Don't Come on My Base

PART IV: "It's a little known fact that cows were domesticated in Mesopotamia and were also used in China as guard animals for the forbidden city." 

Announcements, Announcements Announcements

SHOPPER'S CAFE: ONLY A FEW WEEKS LEFT TO PARTY AT SHOPPERS. REMEMBER TO TIP YOUR WAITRESSES. 

PHOTOS: Do you like stick drawings? They are funny one week. But week after week? No dice. So bring camera, take pictures. Send them to me. HERE!

SUNLIGHT: As we move deeper into August we will lose the sun. Today is the last day the sun sets after 8pm. So please get to the field on time so we can start games and avoid shortened games. This is especially important during the playoffs.

ANTI-SOCIAL MEDIA: Follow the league on Twitter and Facebook. 

PART V: "It's a little known fact that the tan became popular in what is known as the Bronze Age."


For those of you who have Netflix and no life, like me, I sincerely recommend rewatching Cheers. Not only was it a ground breaking sit com, that ages relatively well, it's like a time capsule on 1980's Boston. One of the stock shots is a red line train pulling out of Charles St. heading to Cambridge. The end stop on the train. "HARVARD" and not "ALEWIFE". Blows the mind. Also in the clip below, note the way Alex Trebek says "Archibald Leech". So odd. 

Good luck and happy kicking,
- David, GMOT Editor

Summer Edition - The FU Blues Edition

The  Award Winning Official Newsletter of the MA Commonwealth Division

"Kick you, Motherkicker"  

The Week Six "Another one kickin' inside. And I ain't gonna fuck it up this time." Bruce Springsteen


Table of Contents: 
I: Big Fucking Deal

II: The Most Versitile Word in the English Language

III: Safety Base

IV: Recaps
V: Schedule and Standings
VI: Announcements
VII: Fuck and Run

PART I: "I still wish you the best, with a..."FUCK YOU!" - Cee Lo Green

MIDSEASON PARTY TOMORROW NIGHT

7-10pm OPEN BAR UNTIL IT RUNS OUT at the HONG KONG IN HARVARD SQUARE

The Theme is White Hot, so wear white and look hot. 

FREE FOR YOU. $5 FOR NON-KICKBALL GUESTS.

BE THERE

PART II: "I don't give a fuck. They done push me to the limit I'm all in. I might blow up any minute, did it again. Now I'm in the back of the paddy wagon." - TuPac

This week's social media challenge, of posting our pictures with random famous people got me musing about the nature of celebrity. Now as an award winning kickball blogger, I'm well aware of the avalanche of attention that celebrity brings, so I can empathize with the giddiness you non-famous people feel when your dull and dreary lives are touched by our presence. Knowing that just a smile or nod from one of us chosen ones, will give you a memory that will overshadow all the real successes and accomplishments of your lives, validates our own sense of self-importance and narcissism. And in some communities, making the unwashed unfamous smile counts as community service for those times we have been inconvenienced by non-celebrity law.  

Since in my life I have to wade constantly through the avalanche of starfuckers in order to get through my day, (or have my people do it for me) all this adulation and attention is both validating and a pain in the ass. As often as we want to say "Thank you" we want to say "Fuck You". It's the Kardashian in us all. 


Which leads me to this week's newsletter. The f-word is a useful word, as it can be used in almost any tense in the English language to express any emotion. Since I am a famous award winning kickball blogger, words are my weapons and to borrow from the late great Christopher Hitchens, my goal in life to is build an arsenal with which to smite my enemies. Oh and to eat chicken wings.

So since I'm feeling generous to you who toil in absolute obscurity, I will bestow a word using the Word A Day random generator from Wordsmith.org for each one of your teams, to use as your rallying point, to make your life just a bit better. It's the least I can do as an award winning kickball blogger celebrity. 

Zugzwang - Don't Come on My Base
A noun, it is position where one is forced to make an undesirable move. I think we all get why this word is appropriate for you, both in terms of playing the game of kickball, and the sexual entendre on which your team name is based. 


Debouch - Slim Kickins
Debouch is to march from a confined area into the open. You are slim. Your run production is low. You need to break out and join the larger kickball universe by scoring some runs and winning some games! 

Hebetudinous  - Saved By the Balls
Hebetudinous is a dullness or lethargy of the mind, which as well know is often a consequence of high school, especially in the American education system geared more for doing well on multiple choice exams, instead of instilling into our youth critical thinking, reasoning, and other skills that contribute to the wealth and power of this nation. Anyone who has watched Season 4 of The Wire knows what I'm talking about it. 

Limpet - Legion of Doom
A limpet is a fish. In the documentary "The Incredible Mr. Limpet" Don Knotts, falls into the ocean, becomes a fish, and helps the US Navy find German submarines during World War II. And since the Legion of Doom is about as frightening and costumed as the characters of Knotts Berry Farm, (BOYSENBERRY MOTHERFUCKERS) I figured this was perfect. Or not. Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing white out.


Leitmotif - Melon Farming Ninjas
For many years the Ninjas have existed, a secret society of brightly colored kickball players, full of awards, wackiness and the occasional can of spam. These are all part of the teams leitmotif, our theme of the team that blinds you with wackiness and luxury. Wait til next summer's Ninja Highlanders edition when we wear kilts, play the bagpipes and throw home made haggis at you. (And for the playoffs full sequined ball gowns, with the idea of blinding our enemies with luxury.) 

Doolally - Pecan Sandies
Doolally, which is an adjective meaning irrational, deranged or insane, applies to the fractured Sandies. Each sides hurls this epitaph at the other when when battle in the the great "Pecan/Pekhan" pronunciation debate. 

Pissoir - Menace 2 Sobriety
The pissoir is a public urnial located on the street in some cities. This is handy for those of you who are menaces to sobriety, and imbibing lots of potent potables. 

Anabiosis - Boca Cabana
This phenomenon is a return to life after an apparent death. I know the Cabana holds out hope that the closing of The Boca Bar ends with the anabiosis of that business. Or not. 

Word. 


PART III:" I want to fuck you like an animal. My whole existence is flawed. You get me closer to god." Nine Inch Nails


The gif I link to below disturb you, so please be advised. It was from last night's Mets Braves game. It is a horrific ankle injury suffered by Tim Hudson of the Braves, covering first base. His ankle is crushed by the foot of the runner as the runner goes to step on first.

Ankle Injury Here

I bring this up, because in kickball we have a safety base in foul territory to try and prevent collisions and plays like this. Runners going to first base, you are allowed to touch the safety base. Fielders should not touch this base, but should make the play to the base that is in fair territory. Thank you

PART III:" And then you say hey I bought you flowers. And then you say wait a minute sally. I think I got somethin in my teeth, could you get it out for me? That's fucking teamwork!" - Tenacious D. 

The Pecan Sandies 13 over Slim Kickins 1 
Lost a lot to a little. Steve (aka Machine Gun Melville) was the only one to score a run this week.  If only Brian ran to first when he kicked the ball into outfield, we may have scored 2..  Also, had a couple of nice grabs from Craig in left field. - Megan S. 

Melon Farming Ninjas 3 over Don't Come on My Base 2

In an epic rematch of last season's semi-finals, the tension in the air was thick as the London Fog. At one point, the ref had to hold back a base runner and the third base coach from coming to blows over a Dodge Stratus. Jon C channeled the catching ability of Willie Mays circa the 1954 World Series, only to have Zif rob the league commissioner of a deep ball a la Ken Griffey Sr. A few smart squeeze plays brought in Alison and Erik to tie the game at 2 all. However, time was not on our side as the setting sun cut the game short after 4 innings with the Ninjas winning what looks like a paving a path for a purview of a prominent potential playoff picture.- Erik S.

Last season the Ninjas had an undefeated regular season, only to run into the eventual Champions of Don't Come on My Base. While it's only the regular season, the Ninjas were focused on playing well and exacting some revenge. They jumped out to a 2 run lead, only to see DCOMB battle back like the Champions they were. This prompted some last inning heroics from Mike G, who drove in the winning run as the game expired into the night. - David M. 

Boca Cabana 0 tied  Legion of Doom 0 
It was a close fought battle.. No one seemed to have reach base(on a kick) until the final inning where the legion of doom was able to load the bases with no outs when spring league all star Matt C completed an unassisted triple play to keep the shutout. Some good defense kept things square for the legion and the game ended in a tie. - Andrew B.

Runs were at a premium this week and both teams left their wallets at home.  Legion of Doom played to hard fought 0-0 tie against a strong Boca Cabana team.  Standout performances on defense included Tim (Solomon Grundy) H at first base and Phil (Gorilla Grodd) at Catcher and center-field.  Claudio (Cheetah) Stuffed Crust B came off the bench in the later innings to provide some much needed speed as he bunted on base and filled in with lock down defense behind the plate.  Boca Cabana turned in the play of the day however when an unassisted triple play ended a scoring threat in the 4th.  Tune in next week as the LOD takes on Menace 2 Sobriety. - Jon N. 

Menace 2 Sobriety 5 tied Saved By the Balls 5
Menace 2 Sobriety was looking to make it 2 wins in a row. We jumped out to an early 2-0 lead as Brian K kicked a 2-run homer scoring himself and Justin. Saved by the Balls came right back to tie it up and eventually take a 5-2 lead as we had a few fielding miscues. We were able to mount a comeback in the top of the 5th. Andrew scored on a double by Sam. A single by Justin and a sac fly by Brian K made it a 5-4 game. Melissa and Mike each got on to make it a tie game. Marcus pitched solid in relief of Andrew in the bottom of the 5th ending the game in a 5-5 tie. Defensively Keara made a great catch at shortstop and Melissa played well at third.- Sam B. 

PART V: "Fuck you is the magic word. We're all living in America. America is wunderbar." - Rammstein

Standings:

View full standings here: 

Schedule:

6:30PM

Diamond:
Menace 2 Sobriety v.Legion of Doom  - Ref Pecan Sandies 

Grass:
Slim Kickins v. Saved By The Balls - Ref Boca Cabana

7:15PM

Diamond 
Pecan Sandies v. Don't Come on My Base- Ref Legion of Doom

Grass
Melon Farming Ninjas v. Boca Cabana - Ref Slim Kickins

PART VI: "Yeah, yeah, my shit's fucked upIt has to happen to the best of us. The rich folks suffer like the rest of usIt'll happen to you." - Warren Zevon

Announcements, Announcements Announcements

SHOPPER'S CAFE: COME TO OUR LEAGUE BAR, SHOPPERS CAFE. EAT ALL THE FOODS. DRINK ALL THE BEERS. SHOOT ALL THE BUCKHUNTERS. 

PHOTOS: Since Tim is playing this year, we need photos of the games that don't occur when Legion of Doom is playing. Please submit anything you got here.  Thanks as always to Tim for his continued contributions.

ANTI-SOCIAL MEDIA: Follow the league on Twitter and Facebook. 

PART VII: "And I can feel it in my bones. I'm gonna spend my whole life alone. It's fuck and run, fuck and run, Even when I was seventeen." - Liz Phair

Don't forget this guy won an Oscar. 

Good luck and happy kicking,
- David, GMOT Editor