Summer Edition - The Cliff Clavin Blues

The  Award Winning Official Newsletter of the MA Commonwealth Division

"I'll Kick You In Hell"  

The Week Seven "There's no rule against postal workers not dating women. It just works out that way." 

Table of Contents: 
I: Address Not Found

II: Recaps
III: Schedule and Standings
IV: Announcements
V: Archibald Leach, Bernard Schwartz and Lucille LeSueur


PART I: "I wonder if you know that the harp is a predecessor of the modern day guitar. Early minstrels were much larger people. In fact, they had hands the size of small dogs."

A yearly tradition here at the GMOT is the highly original never before done or seen on another website mailbag. In last week's GMOT we discussed at great lengths the trials and tribulations of being Award Winning Kickball Related Newsletter Writing Celebrities. And while there are great joys to this life; condor egg omelets, Fabrege egg conventions, celebrity parties on Great Egg in Long Island, we get a lot of mail. And since we are so fabulously famous kickball blog writers, our mail is hand delivered personally by Clifford Clavin, the mailman/bar know-it-all, whose life enthralled us in the work place documentary "Cheers." So instead of giving him cash for his customary National Egg-Day tip, we are dedicating this year's mailbag to Cliff. 

Wait, what? You lost the mail? Are you kidding me? No wonder the postal service is bankrupt. Kramer (not Ben) was right. 

(Editor's note. This is me mailing in the newsletter this week. It is the week before Shark Week, and I've been too busying preparing.) 

PART II: "If you were to go back in history and take every president, you'll find that the numerical value of each letter in their name was equally divisible into the year in which they were elected. By my calculations, our next president has to be named Yellnick McWawa." 

Legion of Doom 7 over Menace to Sobriety 4

Despite pouring rain Menace 2 Sobriety was able to get 12 dedicated kickballers to show up and brave the elements to take on the Legion of Doom. It wasn't your typical game as you had fielders holding umbrellas in one hand while trying to make catches with the other. Marcus started on the mound for us in place of Andrew. We fell behind 4-0 early on but were slowly able to mount a comeback and bring the game to 4-3. Unfortunately we collapsed in the last inning letting 3 more runs score to ultimately lose 7-4. Tracy beat out a throw to first and eventually scored our first run of the game. Vivek had 2 solid kicks driving in 2 runs. Sam drove in a run with a single up the middle. Brian K scored our other run. Defensively Natalie made an amazing play in left field as she kicked the ball to the third basemen to gun down a runner trying to advance. Kevin made a solid catch in right, Andrew played well at third, and Melissa had a good game at short. - Sam B. 

Slim Kickins 13 over Saved By the Balls 3

Slim Kickins 13 - Saved By the Balls 3. Lucky for Slim Kickins this game wasn't cancelled due to the monsoon hovering Waltham. Slim Kickins took it's first victory this season (and ever).  Props to Caleb R  who kicked a gland slam to take the lead in the second inning.  Solid pitching from Steve M and Scott S.  And an all around great effort to the team for putting in a great effort during the rain. - Meghan S. 

Don't Come on My Base 3 over Pecan Sandies 2

Thanks to the 2013 version of El Niño, DCOMB captains Alison and Ilana had to devise a last minute plan that may have stranded Andrea in the outfield sitting in a chair with crutches and an umbrella, until soft-speaking hard-kicking Meghan arrived at the last minute to avoid the forfeit. The replay of last year's championship game was worthy enough to clear the clouds away for a muddy grudge match. Strong pitching by #1 Overall Draft Pick Matt held the Pecan Sandies to only one run. The muddy field almost scored one when Zif had a hard fall at first base, but Steve "I carry people off the field" Smith lived up to his namesake. Smart fielding by Andrew B and Nicole kept it within 1 run to the fifth inning, where two runs were scored including a someone possibly named Benny Rodriguez stole home on a bunt. No tutu's were harmed during the playing of this game. - Erik S. 

Boca Cabana 10 over Melon Farming Ninjas 6

Weatherman by Day, League Rep by Night, and Hand Model when he can get work, Paul predicted the rain would stop by 6:30 last Thursday night. He was only off by 45 minutes, which isn't too bad really, unless of course you played in the first games. The skies cleared, and Ninjas were roused from their galoshes, rain proof bio domes, and in the case of Jeff, metamorphized from a duck with a drinking problem and foot fetish named Archibald. (The normal pronunciation). These changes were eye opening, refreshing, metaphysically impossible, and most importantly did nothing to help the Ninjas win. In fact they ran into a the fabulous Boca Cabana would put a seven spot up in the second inning and didn't look back from there. The water logged Ninjas did not suffer any shrinkage as if they'd been in a pool, and fought back, getting the tying run to the plate in the top of the 5th, but alas it was not to be this night. - David M. 

PART III: "It's a little known fact that smartest animal is a pig. Scientists say if pigs had thumbs and a language, they could be trained to do simple manual labor. They give you 20-30 years of loyal service and then at their retirement dinner you can eat them." 

Standings:

View full standings here: 

Schedule:

6:30PM

Diamond:
Saved By The Balls v. Boca Cabana  - Ref Melon Farming Ninjas

Grass:
Don't Come on My Base v. Legion of Doom- Ref Menace 2 Sobriety

7:15PM

Diamond 
Slim Kickins v. Melon Farming Ninjas- Ref Saved By The Balls 

Grass
 Menace 2 Sobriety v. Pecan Sandies - Ref Don't Come on My Base

PART IV: "It's a little known fact that cows were domesticated in Mesopotamia and were also used in China as guard animals for the forbidden city." 

Announcements, Announcements Announcements

SHOPPER'S CAFE: ONLY A FEW WEEKS LEFT TO PARTY AT SHOPPERS. REMEMBER TO TIP YOUR WAITRESSES. 

PHOTOS: Do you like stick drawings? They are funny one week. But week after week? No dice. So bring camera, take pictures. Send them to me. HERE!

SUNLIGHT: As we move deeper into August we will lose the sun. Today is the last day the sun sets after 8pm. So please get to the field on time so we can start games and avoid shortened games. This is especially important during the playoffs.

ANTI-SOCIAL MEDIA: Follow the league on Twitter and Facebook. 

PART V: "It's a little known fact that the tan became popular in what is known as the Bronze Age."


For those of you who have Netflix and no life, like me, I sincerely recommend rewatching Cheers. Not only was it a ground breaking sit com, that ages relatively well, it's like a time capsule on 1980's Boston. One of the stock shots is a red line train pulling out of Charles St. heading to Cambridge. The end stop on the train. "HARVARD" and not "ALEWIFE". Blows the mind. Also in the clip below, note the way Alex Trebek says "Archibald Leech". So odd. 

Good luck and happy kicking,
- David, GMOT Editor