The Award Winning Official Newsletter of the MA Commonwealth Division
"Kickballs and Beignets"
Table of Contents:
I: A Huey Long Fucking Post
II: Recaps
III: Schedule and Standings
IV: Announcements
V: That Voodoo You Do
PART I: "New Orleans! Home of pirates, drunks and whores. New Orleans, tacky, overpriced souvenir stores. If you want to go to hell, you should make the trip. To that Sodom and Gomorrah on the Mississip!" - The Simpsons
For those of you who Fourthed here in New England, you are well aware of this really brutal weather pattern that we've been stuck in. Brutally hot, hot, heat followed by dank humidity that has rendered all attempts at hairstyling pointless. I've only felt this oppressed by humidity in my life twice before; on a trip to Thailand and every time I descend into the Mississippi Delta to visit family and/or New Orleans. I blanch (du Bois) at the thought of existence before air conditioning.
However, we must move on as we continue our journey scaling the precipice of Immortal Kickball Glory.
While we are only two weeks into the season, I've notice some good things, some bad things, and some things that are even better than the real thing that so far capture the essence (BAM!) of our teams and their progress towards glory. So here, we go.
Pecan Sandies
Good: They are delicious.
Bad: Had to forfeit a game, due to a civil war within the team on whether the word is pronounced "Pea-cans" or "Pea-khans". (KHAN!)
Even Better Than the Real Thing: In the social media challenge this week, their opponent referenced Wilford Brimley saying "Diabeetus". Always sublime.
Menace 2 Sobriety
Good: Collectively their blood alcohol level is still below the legal limit.
Bad: Unfortunately so is their run production
Even Better than the Real Thing: If they win the championship this season, instead of a duck boat tour, they get a 12 step program and keychains!
Slim Kickins
Good: I imagine they are named after one of the great background characters of American literature, Slim, from "Of Mice and Men"
Bad: Sadly their results this season have been as unpredictable and crazy as Randy Quaid, who played Lenny in the 1981 made for TV adaptation of the Steinbeck classic.
Even Better Than the Real Thing: They get to tend the rabbits at the end of the season.
Saved By The Balls:
Good: Have decided to drop Hayley Mills their pitcher and have decided to focus on the infielders as the stars of the team.
Bad: Are so empowered by their success, believe they can be believable stars in a WAKA version of "Showgirls".
Even Better Than the Real Thing: Despite being winless, still aren't as desperate as Dustin Diamond.
Legion of Doom:
Good: Have provided the topic of the Furry Fandom Fetish for league discussion.
Bad: Have not yet dressed up like Road Warrior Hawk and Animal, the real Legion of Doom.
Even Better Than the Real Thing: Next season are planning to explore Dendrophilia as part of their team concept. Let's just say if you are invited to a Legion of Doom garden party, wear your best ankle-grabbing shoes.
Melon Farming Ninjas:
Good: It's Melon season
Bad: Keep forgetting to bring melons to share with the league.
Even Better Than the Real Thing: Melons is a common euphemism for breasts. Hee Hee Boobs!
Boca Cabana:
Good: The can merenge and do the cha-cha.
Bad: They can't smile without you, or hang out at an overly crowded now defunct Costa Rica bar.
Even Better Than the Real Thing: Music and fashion are always their passion.
Don't Come on My Base:
Good: Their neonish green shirts have caused this writer to fondly reminisce about watching the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turles, and appreciate that the turtles were named after titans of the Renaissance.
Bad: Michael Bay is making a TMNT movie. May God Have Mercy on Us All.
Even Better Than the Real Thing: Next year they are trying to make Cowabunga the next fetch.
PART II:" Jolie Bonde, jolie fille, tu m'a quitte pour t'en aller. T'en aller, jolie blonde avec un autre comment tu crois que je vais faire a present." - Traditional
Don't Come on My Base 2 over Menace 2 Sobriety 1
'Twas the day of kickball and all through the park,
the "neon" green team was there ready to make their mark.
With knee high socks pulled on with care,
flag tattoos on their arms, and bows in their hair.
With knee high socks pulled on with care,
flag tattoos on their arms, and bows in their hair.
The kickballers were huddled dressed in blue, white and red,
with visions of winning the cup dancing in their heads.
Menace 2 Sobriety took the lead with the first run
But DCOMB was definitely not to be outdone.
Andrea had the most perfect kick,
which allowed Dan G. to get a run in real quick.
Nicole then ran like a bullet out of a gun,
and Andrea was able to score our second run!
The rest of the game went right as planned,
with Matt as our pitcher and his awesome hand.
Danny S. made some great catches, and Zif did the same,
It was definitely a team effort to win us the game!
But then out on the field there arose such a clatter,
We sprang from the sidelines to see what was the matter.
More rapid than eagles Menace 2 Sobriety, they came,
And they whistled, and shouted, and called us some names!
A call was being contested to the ref with the scorebook
And everyone yelled, and screamed "hey now, just look"
This continued until each team slowly drove out of sight,
And ended up at the bar to turn it into a good-night!
While the call ended in DCOMB's favor,
and a win is something our team always savor,
We all agree that making enemies is not our aim,
So we are happy to challenge them to buck hunter, or to a friendly "drinking" game!
-Illana
Menace 2 Sobriety knew they would be in for a tough game against the returning champs DCOMB. The wet field conditions really made it a pitchers duel as very few balls got out of the infield. In the end we came up just short losing 2-1. We played very solid defensively which kept us in the game right up to the end. Mike and Melissa made some good plays at catcher having to field numerous bunts. Brian K and Frank each made great catches in outfield. Brad played well at third and Andrew had another solid day on the mound.- Sam B
Melon Farming Ninjas 8 over Saved By the Balls 1
8 is great according the Ninjas, who for a second week in a row was able to put up an eight spot, this time against Saved By The Balls. Big plays all around, for a total team effort, team victory and melons. Sweet delicious melons. - David M.
Legion of Doom 5 over The Pecan Sandies 0
The Legion of Doom showed up in our red, white and blue ready to play but the Pecan Sandies were nowhere to be found. Left to entertain ourselves, the LOD continued our patriotic ways and started a water balloon fight with other teams that were woefully under armed. The Legion then celebrated our victory with a good old-fashioned American cookout. - Jon N
In an interestingly strategic move, The Pecan Sandies forfeited Thursdays game. Let's see how this works out for them.- Chris T
Boca Cabana 10 over Slim Kickins1
Thursday's game between Boca Cabana and Slim Kickins started out very close with both teams scoring in the first inning. It was slippery and sloppy mess, the fun kind of mess. A stew of good kicks and some unlucky bounces for the kickins led to a big third by the Boca Cabana opening their lead up by a few runs. New comers Jenn F, Dave M and Caitlin D made a big impact in the team's game plan with timely kicks and runs. There were appearances by Stephen Colbert, Randy Johnson and a water balloon launcher to spark some National Pride. Matt C was able to show up just in time to unnecessarily whip kickballs at opposing players, showcasing his dominance over the faint-hearted. - Andrew B.
PART IV: "I'm goin' down the river, down to New Orleans. They tell me everything is gonna be all right. But I don't know what all right even means" - Bob Dylan
Standings:
Standings:
View full standings here:
Schedule:
6:30PM
Diamond:
Legion of Doom v. Melon Farming Ninjas - Ref Boca Cabana
6:30PM
Diamond:
Legion of Doom v. Melon Farming Ninjas - Ref Boca Cabana
Grass:
Pecan Sandies v. Saved By The Balls - Ref Menace 2 Sobriety
7:15PM
Diamond
Don't Come on My Base v. Boca Cabana - Ref Legion of Doom
Grass
Slim Kickins v. Menace 2 Sobriety - Ref Saved By The Balls
PART V:"There is a house in New Orleans, they call the rising sun. It's been the ruin of many poor boy, and Lord God knows I'm one." - The Animals
Announcements, Announcements Announcements
SHOPPER'S CAFE: COME TO OUR LEAGUE BAR. IT'S AWESOME
PHOTOS: Please submit photos to make my droll prose look better. Pictures can be submitted here. Thanks as always to Tim for his continued contributions.
SUNLIGHT: Since we have passed the summer solstice, as we move deeper into July and August we will lose light. Please get to the field on time.
ANTI-SOCIAL MEDIA: Follow the league on Twitter and Facebook.
PART VI: "You'll never know, what heaven means until you've been down to New Orleans. You ain't been livin' till you cuddle and coo, With some black-eyed baby by de old bayou" - Elvis
- David, GMOT Editor
