The Award Winning Official Newsletter of the MA Commonwealth Division
"Kick you, Motherkicker"
The Week Six "Another one kickin' inside. And I ain't gonna fuck it up this time." Bruce Springsteen
Table of Contents:
I: Big Fucking Deal
II: The Most Versitile Word in the English Language
III: Safety Base
IV: Recaps
V: Schedule and Standings
VI: Announcements
VII: Fuck and Run
PART I: "I still wish you the best, with a..."FUCK YOU!" - Cee Lo Green
V: Schedule and Standings
VI: Announcements
VII: Fuck and Run
PART I: "I still wish you the best, with a..."FUCK YOU!" - Cee Lo Green
MIDSEASON PARTY TOMORROW NIGHT
7-10pm OPEN BAR UNTIL IT RUNS OUT at the HONG KONG IN HARVARD SQUARE
The Theme is White Hot, so wear white and look hot.
FREE FOR YOU. $5 FOR NON-KICKBALL GUESTS.
PART II: "I don't give a fuck. They done push me to the limit I'm all in. I might blow up any minute, did it again. Now I'm in the back of the paddy wagon." - TuPac
Since in my life I have to wade constantly through the avalanche of starfuckers in order to get through my day, (or have my people do it for me) all this adulation and attention is both validating and a pain in the ass. As often as we want to say "Thank you" we want to say "Fuck You". It's the Kardashian in us all.
Which leads me to this week's newsletter. The f-word is a useful word, as it can be used in almost any tense in the English language to express any emotion. Since I am a famous award winning kickball blogger, words are my weapons and to borrow from the late great Christopher Hitchens, my goal in life to is build an arsenal with which to smite my enemies. Oh and to eat chicken wings.
So since I'm feeling generous to you who toil in absolute obscurity, I will bestow a word using the Word A Day random generator from Wordsmith.org for each one of your teams, to use as your rallying point, to make your life just a bit better. It's the least I can do as an award winning kickball blogger celebrity.
Zugzwang - Don't Come on My Base
A noun, it is position where one is forced to make an undesirable move. I think we all get why this word is appropriate for you, both in terms of playing the game of kickball, and the sexual entendre on which your team name is based.
Debouch - Slim Kickins
Debouch is to march from a confined area into the open. You are slim. Your run production is low. You need to break out and join the larger kickball universe by scoring some runs and winning some games!
Hebetudinous - Saved By the Balls
Hebetudinous is a dullness or lethargy of the mind, which as well know is often a consequence of high school, especially in the American education system geared more for doing well on multiple choice exams, instead of instilling into our youth critical thinking, reasoning, and other skills that contribute to the wealth and power of this nation. Anyone who has watched Season 4 of The Wire knows what I'm talking about it.
Limpet - Legion of Doom
A limpet is a fish. In the documentary "The Incredible Mr. Limpet" Don Knotts, falls into the ocean, becomes a fish, and helps the US Navy find German submarines during World War II. And since the Legion of Doom is about as frightening and costumed as the characters of Knotts Berry Farm, (BOYSENBERRY MOTHERFUCKERS) I figured this was perfect. Or not. Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing white out.
Leitmotif - Melon Farming Ninjas
For many years the Ninjas have existed, a secret society of brightly colored kickball players, full of awards, wackiness and the occasional can of spam. These are all part of the teams leitmotif, our theme of the team that blinds you with wackiness and luxury. Wait til next summer's Ninja Highlanders edition when we wear kilts, play the bagpipes and throw home made haggis at you. (And for the playoffs full sequined ball gowns, with the idea of blinding our enemies with luxury.)
Doolally - Pecan Sandies
Doolally, which is an adjective meaning irrational, deranged or insane, applies to the fractured Sandies. Each sides hurls this epitaph at the other when when battle in the the great "Pecan/Pekhan" pronunciation debate.
Pissoir - Menace 2 Sobriety
The pissoir is a public urnial located on the street in some cities. This is handy for those of you who are menaces to sobriety, and imbibing lots of potent potables.
Anabiosis - Boca Cabana
This phenomenon is a return to life after an apparent death. I know the Cabana holds out hope that the closing of The Boca Bar ends with the anabiosis of that business. Or not.
Word.
PART III:" I want to fuck you like an animal. My whole existence is flawed. You get me closer to god." Nine Inch Nails
The gif I link to below disturb you, so please be advised. It was from last night's Mets Braves game. It is a horrific ankle injury suffered by Tim Hudson of the Braves, covering first base. His ankle is crushed by the foot of the runner as the runner goes to step on first.
Ankle Injury Here
I bring this up, because in kickball we have a safety base in foul territory to try and prevent collisions and plays like this. Runners going to first base, you are allowed to touch the safety base. Fielders should not touch this base, but should make the play to the base that is in fair territory. Thank you
PART III:" And then you say hey I bought you flowers. And then you say wait a minute sally. I think I got somethin in my teeth, could you get it out for me? That's fucking teamwork!" - Tenacious D.
The Pecan Sandies 13 over Slim Kickins 1
Lost a lot to a little. Steve (aka Machine Gun Melville) was the only one to score a run this week. If only Brian ran to first when he kicked the ball into outfield, we may have scored 2.. Also, had a couple of nice grabs from Craig in left field. - Megan S.
Melon Farming Ninjas 3 over Don't Come on My Base 2
In an epic rematch of last season's semi-finals, the tension in the air was thick as the London Fog. At one point, the ref had to hold back a base runner and the third base coach from coming to blows over a Dodge Stratus. Jon C channeled the catching ability of Willie Mays circa the 1954 World Series, only to have Zif rob the league commissioner of a deep ball a la Ken Griffey Sr. A few smart squeeze plays brought in Alison and Erik to tie the game at 2 all. However, time was not on our side as the setting sun cut the game short after 4 innings with the Ninjas winning what looks like a paving a path for a purview of a prominent potential playoff picture.- Erik S.
Last season the Ninjas had an undefeated regular season, only to run into the eventual Champions of Don't Come on My Base. While it's only the regular season, the Ninjas were focused on playing well and exacting some revenge. They jumped out to a 2 run lead, only to see DCOMB battle back like the Champions they were. This prompted some last inning heroics from Mike G, who drove in the winning run as the game expired into the night. - David M.
Boca Cabana 0 tied Legion of Doom 0
It was a close fought battle.. No one seemed to have reach base(on a kick) until the final inning where the legion of doom was able to load the bases with no outs when spring league all star Matt C completed an unassisted triple play to keep the shutout. Some good defense kept things square for the legion and the game ended in a tie. - Andrew B.
Runs were at a premium this week and both teams left their wallets at home. Legion of Doom played to hard fought 0-0 tie against a strong Boca Cabana team. Standout performances on defense included Tim (Solomon Grundy) H at first base and Phil (Gorilla Grodd) at Catcher and center-field. Claudio (Cheetah) Stuffed Crust B came off the bench in the later innings to provide some much needed speed as he bunted on base and filled in with lock down defense behind the plate. Boca Cabana turned in the play of the day however when an unassisted triple play ended a scoring threat in the 4th. Tune in next week as the LOD takes on Menace 2 Sobriety. - Jon N.
Menace 2 Sobriety 5 tied Saved By the Balls 5
Menace 2 Sobriety was looking to make it 2 wins in a row. We jumped out to an early 2-0 lead as Brian K kicked a 2-run homer scoring himself and Justin. Saved by the Balls came right back to tie it up and eventually take a 5-2 lead as we had a few fielding miscues. We were able to mount a comeback in the top of the 5th. Andrew scored on a double by Sam. A single by Justin and a sac fly by Brian K made it a 5-4 game. Melissa and Mike each got on to make it a tie game. Marcus pitched solid in relief of Andrew in the bottom of the 5th ending the game in a 5-5 tie. Defensively Keara made a great catch at shortstop and Melissa played well at third.- Sam B.
PART V: "Fuck you is the magic word. We're all living in America. America is wunderbar." - Rammstein
Standings:
Standings:
View full standings here:
Schedule:
6:30PM
Diamond:
Menace 2 Sobriety v.Legion of Doom - Ref Pecan Sandies
6:30PM
Diamond:
Menace 2 Sobriety v.Legion of Doom - Ref Pecan Sandies
Grass:
Slim Kickins v. Saved By The Balls - Ref Boca Cabana
7:15PM
Diamond
Pecan Sandies v. Don't Come on My Base- Ref Legion of Doom
Grass
Melon Farming Ninjas v. Boca Cabana - Ref Slim Kickins
PART VI: "Yeah, yeah, my shit's fucked upIt has to happen to the best of us. The rich folks suffer like the rest of usIt'll happen to you." - Warren Zevon
Announcements, Announcements Announcements
SHOPPER'S CAFE: COME TO OUR LEAGUE BAR, SHOPPERS CAFE. EAT ALL THE FOODS. DRINK ALL THE BEERS. SHOOT ALL THE BUCKHUNTERS.
PHOTOS: Since Tim is playing this year, we need photos of the games that don't occur when Legion of Doom is playing. Please submit anything you got here. Thanks as always to Tim for his continued contributions.
ANTI-SOCIAL MEDIA: Follow the league on Twitter and Facebook.
PART VII: "And I can feel it in my bones. I'm gonna spend my whole life alone. It's fuck and run, fuck and run, Even when I was seventeen." - Liz Phair
Good luck and happy kicking,
- David, GMOT Editor
PART VII: "And I can feel it in my bones. I'm gonna spend my whole life alone. It's fuck and run, fuck and run, Even when I was seventeen." - Liz Phair
Don't forget this guy won an Oscar.
- David, GMOT Editor