Spring/Summer Edition - WTF?

What the Eff is Going On? 

For some of you, welcome to the weirdness, majesty, wonder, horror, and magic that is Summer Kickball here in the MA Commonwealth Division.

For some of you this is the last week of the Spring season, where your weeks of slaving over the hot coals of  burning kickball desire have either moved onto the Championship Game, or have been extinguished like a match in those old Tuck's Medicated Pads commercials. 

While normally the author of this newsletter enjoys the dualities of man, the ying, the yang, the dark, the light, the good the evil, the thrill of victory, agony of defeat, yada yada yada, this "two seasons, one ending, one beginning thing" is really fucking with my mind. Looks like picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue. 

Anyway, welcome (or thanks for reading) the Ghost Man on Third. This weekly newsletter is the recap, funny contest, insane ramblings that will serve (has served)  as the chronicle for your great adult kickball adventure that either had occurred, or will be occurring. Every week you will be on a trip through the eddy and flow of the artificial kickball universe, with the flotsam, jetsom and fellow travellers through this season. Or you've already been on this trip the past few weeks in the spring season, and for you this is mercifully the last edition of the newsletter. Either way, welcome. Suggestions, contributions, insults, treatises, circular papers, recipes that you think will enhance this amazing kickball journey can be sent here. 

Then and Now?

For some of you, you are old hacks at this kickball racket. You've survived the torrential rains, crowded volcano themed bars, angry old men in jumpsuits, the Great Jort Epidemic of 2012, Paul's Mustache, and ice cream truck distractions that punctuate the summer league. For the rest of you, this is your first kickball experience since you were knee high to a grasshopper, according to some folksy guy who uses phrases like that and still thinks Will Rogers was a hilarious mofo and the greatest thing since sliced bread. 

For you newcomers, here is a brief refresher for how adult kickball is slightly different from the game you played in gym class those many years ago. 

THEN: You were just beginning school with the idea that when you got out you'd be an adult, have a cool job, and could stay up past your bed time. 
NOW: You have finished school with several degrees, a shitfuckton of debt, and thanks to the economy you now work at Starbucks, and while you know you could stay up past your bed time, you're tired and fuck it you gotta work tomorrow. 

THEN: You couldn't use profanity and had to censor yourself with phrases like "fudge" or "mutton fondling" 

NOW: Sure you can let the f-bomb's fly, but find it kinda more amusing to call someone a "Miner Fiddling See You Next Tuesday" 

THEN: When you liked a girl or guy in school you'd pass them a note in class. 

NOW: You just have the NSA forward the message along for you. 

THEN: You feared getting picked last and spending the next decade of your life trying to overcome that shame.

NOW: You just unfriend those who picked you last on Facebook.

THEN: The adults were the coaches and umpires and they all sounded like the adults in a Peanuts cartoon.
NOW: WAH-WAH. WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH WHAH HAH.

THEN: You feared the ball coming at you because the ridicule of you dropping it would last through recess. 

NOW: You fear the ball coming at you because the ridicule of you dropping it will last forever on the internet thanks to smart phones and vine. 

THEN: People made fun of you when you wore weird colors.
NOW: People still make fun of you, but at least now you aren't the only one dressed funny.

THEN: Old white men and oil companies were in control
NOW: Old white men and oil companies are in controlTHEN: To refresh yourself, you would drink from a small box. 
NOW: To refreresh yourself, you drink from a small bar, our league sponsor Shopper's Cafe.

THEN: You made fun of people who drew walks in kickball
NOW: You make fun of people who draw walks in kickball

THEN: The rules were confusing, you didn't know how to run the bases, and catching the ball was a minor miracle.
NOW: This pretty much hasn't changed at all. 

Games Some of You People Played In

Brief Student Concerns  over  Newton Benchmarks:

Back to back homeruns by Chapin and Malley in the bottom of the first allowed BSC to recover nicely from the early 2 run deficit.

Brief Student Concernsover Sacks and Racks 

Girl power. An RBI and a diving catch by 2 BSC ladies was enough to hold an intense tie dyed group. This was enough to propel Brief Student Concerns into the Championship Game! - Katie C

Ninja Island 8 over Booze on First 0 

In the first elimination game, the Ninjas battled the orange clad Boozers in a tight game. Eeking out a win in the first inning thanks to Little Nick, Jon with an M and then Jon with an N, it was a tense affair. Then a big rally in the 4th inning blew the game open and propelled the Ninjas to the Semi-Finals. - David M.

Booze on first was looking to finish the season on a high note against the Ninjas. The fame was close early on with the Ninjas jumping out to an early 1-0 lead. Defensively we collapsed as a series of error allowed the Ninjas to blow the game wide open. No real individual highlights for Booze this week as it was an all around bad game. - Sam B.

Frank's Little Beauties 3 over Ninja Island 2

Playing one of their best efforts of the season, the Ninjas build a hard earned 2-0 lead heading into the final frame, having played exceptional defense, the fickle finger of fate thrust it's digit into the Ninjas eye, as their hope for a spot in the Championship game run aground admist the tidal wave that was Frank's Little Beauties. In one of the best games of the season and league history, the Ninjas fell, humbled by unbroken. - David M. 

The first four and a half innings proved to be a struggle for FLB's. No runs scored, two allowed. The team looked up and down the bench for a spark... and at the end of the bench, stood Richard. He trotted up to the plate cool and collected, and somehow reached first. Two outs and two close calls later, he was somehow standing on third, with another runner on first. A mile high pop up behind first base confused the Ninjas, who had played air tight defense all game, and dropped in for a hit. Both runs scored, and suddenly the game was tied. Did you know: Tyler's middle name is redemption. He sent a kick down the left field line that kicked up chalk, hugging the foul line. Runner scored from first. Game over. It all happened in the blink of an eye. Beauties win. See you in the championship game. - Chris T

You Spring People

Thank you to those who played this spring season whose dreams of immortal kickball glory crashed upon the shores of defeat and despair.


Newton Benchmarks - Team Captain David, Tina, Erin, Jen, Jesse, Katie, Emma, Ernesto, Danielle, Lynette, Eric, Jenna, Vanessa, Elizabeth, Sam, Robert, Erica, Jennifer, Nate, Brian, Gareth, Stephanie


Booze on First - Team Captain Sam, Jacqui, Mike, Patrick, Peter, Natalie, Bethany, Michelle, Kathleen, Bret, Amanda, Kate, Frank, Mary, Andrew, Vivek, Kevin, Tracy, Denice


Sacks and Racks - Team Captains Andrew and Nicole , Carols, Andrea, Victoria, Amber, Lesley, Matt, Sean, Caitlin, Alison, Matt, Martha, Andrew, Andrea, Chris, Illa, Katie, Brett, Erin, Jenna, Matt Brittany,Danny, Erik, Ivy, Justin


Ninja Island - Team Captain David, Michael, Sara, Melissa, Jen, Jeff, Emily, Michael, Megan, Eli, Jackie, Jackie, Rick, Hadley, Paul, Jon, Jen, Jon, Big Nick, Little Nick, Sabrina
Special Thanks to the team captains for putting up with me pestering them for recaps every week.

You Summer People

Strap in. The battle for the title begins tomorrow (weather permitting). Remember games start at 6:30pm and get there a little early to distribute shirts. 

Song or Video of the Week that Probably Interests Me (and Only Me)

Since I'm as confused as you guys, here's the great paean to confusion, that was also used to sell Levi's back in 1980's. (Odd fact, this song was written about Ellen Foley, who was the female vocalist on Meatloaf's famous "Paradise by the Dashboard Light".)

Miscellany

• For you Summer Folks here's tonight's Schedule 
• For you Springtime Folks, Good Luck to Brief Student Concerns and Frank's Little Beauties who will duke it out for the title.
• Our League Bar is Shopper's Cafe. Please show them some love for their fine support this spring season and our continued relationship this summer season.
• Thank you Tim as always for your photos. 
• Special thank to Paul Lurie our customer service rep and league svenghali. A remarkbale feat to pull this spring season off, and this summer season will be great because of his efforts and yours.

Next Week

We revert to the Summer GMOT format. OBSCURE SONG LYRICS AND BAD PUNS FOR LIFE!