Ghost Man on Third: The Given to Fly Edition

The  Award Winning Official Newsletter of the MA Commonwealth Division

"Is it a bird? It it a plane? No it's a KICKBALL!"  

WEEK TWO: " Revvin' up your engine. Listen to her howlin' roar. Metal under tension. Beggin' you to touch and go. Highway to the danger zone. Ride into the danger zone." - Kenny Loggins

Table of Contents: 


I: A Penguins Envy 

II: Chickens don't clap

III: Like Snoopy after the Red Baron 

IV: Standings and Schedule 

V: Announcements

VI: I'm So High...in the Air

PART I: " When I on walk on by. Girls be lookin like damn, he fly." - LMFAO

For those of you who have been a part of the MA Commonwealth division for a few seasons, and have actually paid attention to this newsletter (thank you), you'll know that I am a big fan building each issue around a theme. I find that it not only helps organize the fucked up miasma that is my alleged mind, and gives me a fertile field to plunder for bad puns, but it hopefully provides some interest to you the reader. And if it doesn't, I really don't care, I'm theme-ing it anyway. 

This week however, I've had a problem. I was all prepared to center this article around horses, for a few reasons. First, Patti Smith, the rock poet inspiration to many punks and wordsmiths, recently released her latest album, Banga, which echoes in some regards her 1975 debut Horses. So I've had some Arthur Rimbaud fueled ideas set to the soul of 50's rock stuck in my head for sometime. Secondly, every May and June the nation is captivated by the Triple Crown of horse racing. As a bourbon aficionado, Kentucky Derby day is one of my favorite days of the year. I know many fans of sports who only turn in for the triple crown, were saddened by the withdrawal of I'll Have Another from the Belmont. (In my sports bucket list, the only two events that have not occurred in my life time is the USA winning the World Cup in soccer (Imagine the hand wringing world wide when that happens), and a horse winning the Triple Crown.Of course I crossed off #1 last year.) I could easily have tied in a reference to the Triple Crown, as currently Pumped up Kicks in our own division has won the league title two years in a row, and are going after their own Triple Crown. And thirdly, horses have played such a vital role in the creation of civilization as we know it, that to not be honored by a kickball blog would be a crime against equinity. 

So I was all settled to write about horses. Then I saw this video floating around the internet, shot by a teammate of mine from the fall league in Somerville I play with, and man, is that an awesome play or what. Not only is the athleticism of the runner avoiding the throw fun to watch, but the reaction and athleticism of the catcher to make the play at the plate so close is even more impressive to me. So sorry Seabiscuit, your time to be honored by the Ghost Man on Third will come at a later date. 


(Start the video at about the 46 second mark. Some NSFW language, and when you get to the super slo-mo part, there's some weird sounding banshee noises)

PART II: "A man will rise. A man will fall. From the sheer face of love, like a fly on the wall." - U2

6:30pm Games

Ninjapocalypse Now 9 over Teleballin' 3

The opening match up of the season, saw league veterans Ninjapocalypse Now defeat a team of kickball neophytes in Teleballin' 9-3. However the score does not indicate the closeness of the game early, as in the first four innings the Ninjas only managed two runs against a stout Teleballin' defense, thanks to the pitching of Anton H. Then in the bottom of the 4th, Teleballin' took a 3-2 lead as the team was able to put together some key hits. The Ninjas recovered however in the bottom of the 4th, and exploded for 7 runs, powered by a home runs from game MVP Jon and Medal of Strength winner Mike, and key kicks and savvy base running from Megan, Jeff, Paul and Andrew. 

For Teleballin, the bad inning did not deter them, and they believe that with a strong effort and more familiarity with the game, they'll be able to challenge in this league. 

- Steve M and David M contributed this report

Looking to Bust Balls 7 over We've Got the Runs 0 

Defections, retirements, and misaligned priorities (putting work ahead of kickball!?) necessitated a merger of two long-standing Waltham teams – Looking To Score and Ball Busters – creating the aptly named Looking To Bust Balls.

The merger got off to a good start in Week 1 with LTBB taking a 7-0 decision over We’ve Got The Runs.  Ben pitched a complete game shutout and helped his own cause with a couple of RBIs.  Mike had three RBIs and did a good job manning the hot corner.  Nick went 2 for 2, while his better half, Sara, contributed an RBI.  Newcomer Andrea also went 2 for 2 and played some solid infield defense.

As for the We've Got the Runs,  they didn't have  runs after all and got shut out. Frank "The Tank" delivered a solid at bat in the loss. Another highlight was Vivek using his speed to beat out an infield single but that same speed later caused him to over run second base. Kerry made a nice defense play gunning down a runner at the plate. Matt also made some nice plays at short.

Jason K and Sam B contributed this report

PART III:" Kickstart my heart. Hope it never stops. And to think, we did all of this... To rock "- Motley Crue (Again, I can't find the umlaut)

7:15pm Games

Dirty Mike and the Boys 18 over Kickin' Nuggets 0

soup kitchen (clip NSFW language)
noun

1. a place where food, usually soup, is served at little or no charge to the needy.
2. Military Slang .(in World War I) a mobile kitchen.
3. Kickball Domination.  It was only week one for Dirty Mike & The Boys, yet what a glorious week it was. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and Forge slipped in center field on a routine fly ball as per usual (thank god for that golden toe!). Lead off Chris "lil tedesch" started off the night with an in-the-park home run, as Ben "BDO", pitched a strong game not letting up one run. EVERY player on DM&TB'S had themselves a nice old screw party on that field. It was great to see a brand new team mixed up 
of 3&4 year kickball OG's (Mike, Ben, Chris, Forge), as well as newbies (Gabe, Trevor, Tyler, Derek, Jenn) come together in such a way that brought tears to the WAKA god’s eyes. Allison, Dara, and Kayla made their presence felt playing great on both sides of the ball, while Pat really “Powered” through with some HUGE kicks and impressive sliding catches in the outfield. Now everyone give yourselves a clap on the hands, as Dirty Mike is proud of all of you and your 18-0 victory.

While there is no way to positively spin a rout, the Kickin Nuggets have identified some areas to improve on, according to team captain Jess."Sooooooo it was my first run as captain of a brand-new team, and I managed to fail on many counts - I think the score was 18-0, we didn't get any photos, and I was too busy trying to figure out who was going where and matching up faces and names to keep track of who was doing what. I'm delegating the task of note- and photo-taking to someone else this week, so I hope to be able to send you more then.
I can say that we held our own and only allowed a few runs...until the third inning when all hell broke loose. ...but that's all I've got. Armed with some actual coaching from someone who actually knows something about kickball AND a practice session before the next game, we're entirely sure that we'll get a run on Thursday. :-)

- Jess and BDO contributed this report.

Pumped up Kicks 6 over Don't Come on My Base! 2

The two time defending champs start the season off 1-0. Pumped Up Kicks took the lead 3-0 early in the first. With steady pitching by Dave P. and eventual strong defensive efforts after a few early season errors, they were able to hold the lead. Success for many first timers and Emma’s first run(ever) boosted personal and team confidence. The league should watch out for the powerhouse that is Pumped Up Kicks.

- Vickie contributed to this report

PART IV: " You fly straight into my heart. But here comes the fall. So much for make-believe, I'm not sold. So much of dreams, deceit, I'm not prepared to know. Your heart makes me feel. Your heart makes me bold." - Interpol

Standings:

Schedule:

6:30PM

Dirt: 

Don't Come on My Base v. Ninjapocalypse Now

Referee: Kickin' Nuggets

Grass:

Dirty Mike and the Boys v. We've Got the Runs!

Referee: Teleballin

7:15pm 

Dirt: 

Kickin' Nuggets v. Looking to Bust Balls

Referee: Don't Come on My Base

Grass:

Teleballin' v. Pumped Up Kicks

Referee: We've Got the Runs!

PART V: "I received a message from my brother across the water He sat laughin' as he wrote the end's in sight. So I said goodbye to all my friends. And packed my hopes inside a matchbox 'Cause I know it's time to fly." Led Zeppelin

Announcements, Announcements Announcements

UMPIRES: Remember each team will be required to umpire 4 games this season. Please have 2-3 players who know the rules available to umpire the games they are assigned. Failure to provide umpires can result in a "paper forfeit" which counts in the standings and affects playoff seeding. 

PHOTOS:   Snap pictures. Send them to me. Easy as 1-2-3. Also I'm sure I can post videos too, so if you catch people flying through the air and make close plays at the plate, boom, send it along. 

SHOES: While today should be nice, it rained yesterday. Please have proper footwear to maintain safety. 

BOCA BAR: After the game, please join us at our league sponsor, The Boca Bar a healthy selection of beverage options and appetizer specials.  

TWITTER: Remember to follow the league twitter account. @Macommonealth for all the latest news. 

PART VI:" And sometimes is seen a strange spot in the sky. A human being that was given to fly" - Pearl Jam

They like to say that time flies while having fun. I have no idea who "they" are? Poets? Prophets? Pimps? Pathetic Peripatetics? I'd say Popes, but we all know the Popes haven't had any real fun since Rodrigo Borgia. Anyway, the point is that the moments we enjoy the most are the ones that don't feel interminable. Perhaps this is part of what makes them so sweet, that their ephemeral nature makes us appreciate them all the more. Even if the moment is preserved on YouTube,  in a picture or the nostalgia dappled recesses of our mind, we can never truly relive that initial moment. So that is why it is important to savor those moments,but more importantly do everything you can to make more moments. For some teams last week was a good moment. For others it was a moment to learn. But those moments are behind us now and it is time to grab new ones, before the swallows fly back to Capistrano. 

Good luck and happy kicking,

- David, GMOT Editor

Ghost Man on Third: The Kick Off The Jams Edition

The  Award Winning Official Newsletter of the MA Commonwealth Division

"I love the smell of kickball in the summer. Smells like victory"  

OPENING WEEK: " It's time. It's time. It's time. TO KICK OUT THE JAMS, MUTHERF#CKAHS"  - MC5

Table of Contents: 

I: Kicky Thump 

II: A Swift One

III: Schedule

IV: Announcements

V: Toe Heel Kick Turn, Turn Heel Kick Turn

PART I: "A kick to the teeth is good for some. A kiss with a fist is better than none" - Florence + The Machine

Welcome, welcome, welcome my friends, to another glorious season of World Adult Kickball Association kickball action here in the MA Commonwealth Division. For you returning veterans, you have been reading my lunatic rantings for several seasons now, so you know what this here thing is all about. For those of you new to MA Commonwealth, the Ghost Man on Third is our weekly newsletter, providing you recaps of the previous weeks games, news, commentary, full frontal nudity (note: does not contain full frontal nudity), rumors, innuendo, conspiracy theories, recipes for babaganoush and mushy peas, paeans, speeches, dirges,pontifications, white papers, circular letters, blatant inflammatory propaganda,  samizdat, and lies, damnable lies, all in an extremely dated format, using song lyrics from (mostly) dated bands.  Why? I have no effing clue. 

This space is for you, the kickabrigian, as we make our journey to the state of grace known as IMMORTAL KICKBALL GLORY. It's the reason why on every Thursday we don the cleats and shirts of our teams, whether we be Ninjas, Teleballin, Busters of Balls, Pumped up Kicks, Base Comers, Mike and his Boys, Nuggets, or have The Runs!, to climb the precipice of the kickball season to reach that Elysium of triumph known as the Division Title. 

As we make the journey to this land of epic kickballian bliss, this newsletter is the chronicle of that journey so that in a thousand years, some kid bored of looking at hyper porn or playing Angry Birds, can come back and revisit the trials and tribulations of a bunch of twenty and thirty somethings playing a school yard game. Doesn't that make life seem worth living? Yay! 

So, this space is your space. Feel free to send in photos, stories, poems, limericks, or any other creation. Please, no vampire or zombie fiction or stories set in primal dystopias that blatantly rip off the plot to Highlander, only without the immortals. Thank you. 

PART II: "Won't somebody testify. Kick a hole right in the sky. Testify, testify kick a hole right in the sky. Slap a liar in his eye. Kick a hole right in the sky. Testify, testify kick a hole right in the sky " - Red Hot Chili Peppers

Normally, this is the space where recaps from the previous week's action occurs. While I am certainly potent, I am not omnipotent; I cannot see and do not know all of you yet. Therefore this section depends completely on each team submitting a recap for each game, winner and loser. Please think of the future children who will someday read this and see here, preserved for all eternity, the exploits of his or her mother or father. Captains (or a team member designated by their captain) can submit their recap to me via the email address here. Won't someone PLEASE think of the children. 

Instead of recapping games that did not take place (except in the smoking crater of my mind. Hey, I got a hit last week, woo!), here is a list of changes and similarities for those of you who have not kickballed since you were children, in a segment I like to call "Then and Now".

THEN: You were just beginning school with the idea that when you got out you'd be an adult, have a cool job, and could stay up past your bed time.
NOW: You have finished school with several degrees, but thanks to the economy work at Starbucks, and while you know you could stay up past your bed time, you're tired and fuck it you gotta work tomorrow.

THEN: You feared getting picked last and spending the next decade of your life trying to overcome that shame.
NOW: You just unfriend those who picked you last on Facebook.

THEN: The adults were the coaches and umpires and they all sounded like the adults in a Peanuts cartoon.
NOW: WAH-WAH. WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH WHAH HAH.

THEN: You possessed a legitimate fear of the ball because it was as big as your head and coming at you at a great speed.
NOW: The ball still seems as big as your head and is coming towards you at a greater speed, but that's all because you are either drunk, stoned, or are just old. (Drinking on the field and engaging in other illegal activities is strictly prohibited, and may result in suspension and forfeiture of the season, plus criminal penalties.)

THEN: You had to have your mom help you tie your shoes, or you were like me and wore velcro.
NOW: Sure you can tie your own shoes, but why be bothered when velcro is so cool?

THEN: People made fun of you when you wore weird colors.
NOW: People still make fun of you, but at least now you aren't the only one dressed funny.

THEN: Old white men and oil companies were in control
NOW: Old white men and oil companies are in control

THEN: To refresh yourself, you would drink from a small box.
NOW: To refreresh yourself, you drink from a small bar, our league sponsor The Boca Bar.

THEN: You made fun of people who drew walks in kickball
NOW: You make fun of people who draw walks in kickball

THEN: The rules were confusing, you didn't know how to run the bases, and catching the ball was a minor miracle.
NOW: This pretty much hasn't changed at all.

PART III:" Kickstart my heart. Hope it never stops. And to think, we did all of this... To rock "- Motley Crue (Again, I can't find the umlaut)

Schedule:

6:30PM

Dirt: 

Teleballin' v. Ninjapocalypse Now

Referee: Dirty Mike and the Boys

Grass:

Looking to Bust Balls v. We've Got the Runs!

Referee: Pumped Up Kicks

7:15pm 

Dirt: 

Kickin' Nuggets v. Dirty Mike and the Boys

Referee: Ninjapocalypse Now

Grass:

Don't Come on My Base v. Pumped Up Kicks

Referee: Looking to Bust Balls

PART IV:"Some get their kicks from cocaine. I'm sure that if I took even one sniff, that would bore me terrifically too. I get a kick out of you" - Cole Porter

Announcements, Announcements Announcements

ALCOHOL: Drinking in public is illegal in Waltham. This is especially true on public playgrounds, such as Lowell field. At least once a season, a Waltham Police comes by and watches us, so do not bring alcoholic beverages to the field. That is why we have Boca Bar. Drinking on the field could not only result in civil or criminal penalties, but is also cause for the league's permit to be cancelled by Waltham, thus the end of the season. 

TEAMS: Games are scheduled to start at 6:30 and 7:15pm. There is a fifteen minute grace period, but if a team does not have the minimum 4 male and 4 female players in that time, then the game is a forfeit. Teams can still play, but the results will be entered as a 5-0 win for the team with the minimum amount of players

PHOTOS:  This newsletter is infinitely more interesting when there are pictures of league actions. Mostly everyone has a camera phone. Snap pictures. Send them to me. Help me make this look pretty, so you don't have read all my stupid rantings. 

SHOES: Just a reminder that proper footwear is essential for safety reasons. Sneakers and plastic cleats are perfectly acceptable. No open toed shoes or metal cleats. Players seen wearing open toed shoes or metal cleats will be asked to change, or will not be allowed to play. 

BOCA BAR: After the game, please join us at our league sponsor, The Boca Bar a healthy selection of beverage options and appetizer specials.   

PART V:" To better days and better ways. Make peace with flesh and blood. Make peace with your love. Nothing more I could ask of you. In the end this is the truth. When my back is broken. When the mountain moves away. All the dreams and promises, that we, give, we give away. Sometimes you kick. Sometimes you get kicked." - INXS

Again, it is time to kick off another summer season of adult kickball. Personally, this is my fifth year in Waltham, and each season the league has grown more and more, with new friends joining every year. The object (besides IMMORTAL KICKBALL GLORY) is to have fun, to meet new people, and treat kickball as it should be, a brief respite of fun from an otherwise stressful existence. 


Furthermore, this league is your league. Paul Lurie, our league rep, is a kickball veteran and wacky guy. He's got a lot of fun and wackiness planned for this season, but is always willing to hear new ideas.  If you have any ideas to make this league better, you can email him at this address. 


Remember, have fun, meet new people, and just be who you am, and kick out the jams.  


Good luck and happy kicking,

- David, GMOT Editor

The Wait is Almost Over

Season Starts June 7th

Rules and Preseason Scrimmage May 31st