This past Saturday was the 139th running of the Kentucky Derby. Billed as "the most exciting two minutes in sports" (something as a hockey fan I would disagree with vehemently), this annual event is known for it's ladies with the loud hats (Church crowns to you fans of The Wire), mint julieps, and the thousands upon thousands of "wow six hours of build up for two minutes of action, just like my sex life" jokes. Every year when I watch the race, I think fondly of two things. First is the non-fiction book "Seabiscuit" by Laura Hillenbrand. Probably one of the best non-fiction books I've ever read. Second of course is time spent at Suffolk Downs, Rockingham, and Wonderland (Go Little Horses) as an awkward late teenager.
I, like the majority of voters in this state, supported the banning of greyhound racing a few years ago. As someone who does not abide cruelty to other living things (thus why I bought all the tickets to the One Fund Concert at the Garden. No one should be subjected to Dane Cook in any form.) the dog racing industry in this state was plagued by inhumane and exploitation of the dogs. That said, I still had fond memories of the track experience. When you are 18 and have only a so-so fake ID, there aren't many adults places to go or things to do. (I'll save my rants on our society's flawed view on alcohol for a later date) So my friends and I gravitated towards Wonderland for the greyhounds and Suffolk Downs for the horses. Ignoring the humane issue for a moment, there is an undeniable thrill to watching a race, whether it be dogs, horses or blindfolded babies. That thrill is intensified especially if you have money on it. Knowing the decision on whether you'll order the clam plate or lobster roll at Kelly's in triumph, or sucking out the gooey innards of a discarded mustard packet in defeat hangs in the balance of chance can be intoxicating. Tom Brady knows what I'm talking about.
Of course as I grew older and was allowed into bars and replaced the intoxication of hitting a quinela at 7-1 odds with the intoxication of real intoxication, the "glamour" of Wonderland and Suffolk faded. (And I'm really stretching the meaning of glamour there.) The mature concerns of humane treatment of dogs became worrisome (I don't have the same reservations with horses. I know several "horse people" and their commitment to the animals is a vibe I never quite got from greyhound people. "Horse people" seem to have the same protective nature of any group of hobby oriented people. Dynamite fishing people. Parkour people. Kickball people....) and then general seediness of the place got to you. When you are a dumb ass 18 year old and yearning to be treated like an adult, some fat guy smoking a cigar, drinking beers and lobbing such pearls of wisdom at you as "whatever you do, never, ever bet the abortion money" seems kinda cool. By the time you are 20 or 21, you see the pathos and sadness that resounds and abounds in a place like that, and the people who inhabit that world.
So You Want To Know a Kickball Star?
Speaking of cruelty, it's time for this week's edition of So You Want to Know a a Kickball Star? This week we are featuring Big Rick from the Ninja Island. There was some campaigning done to feature Ninja outfielder Jeff, however he is already a celebrity, having won a prestigious award and been a guest on NPR's "All Things Considered" in his capacity as a Space Policy Analyst. Rick, however has a darker, more interesting past that I think we should explore.
Like most tales in this sordid world of lies and kickball, Rick's tale starts with his father, Jorel. Jorel was a respected scientist and Nehru jacket importer in the distant city of Malden. Concerned that the red hot Exxon sign that brought the fair city of Malden light would someday explode and destroy the town, or at least become a nuisance that decreased property values to an alarming level, Jorel took a daring plan of action. Determined to stay and fight those who would support the sign, but wanting to keep his son free, he packed all his notes, dreams, aspirations, kick ass crystal unicorn collection, and son into a 1981 Chevy Citation and sent them to the distant town of Saugus.
When old enough, Rick moved to the working class Faubourg Marigny neighborhood of New Orleans. He got a job as a dockworker and for awhile was a promising amateur boxer. However, like many who move to the Big Easy, he was sucked into swirl and decadence of the N'awlins life, as his bookish facade melted under the lights, alcohol and avalanche of sexual offerings of Bourbon Street. All that was left of his Saugus life was his kick ass collection of crystal unicorns.
After becoming entangled dockworker union intrigue and nearly beaten to death after standing up to a union kingpin, Rick became a disgruntled and jaded man. He'd sit hour after hour at a local bar, screaming for his favorite beer "STELLA! STELLA! STELLA...ARTOIS!" and muttering on how he could have been a contender on American Idol. One night, drunk and despondent his mind and body ravaged by an addiction to Pixie Stix and Valomilks, he walked to the banks of the Mississippi, resigned to commit suicide. Reaching into his pockets to leave everything on the bank, he felt one of his prized crystal unicorns. Lamenting the horror, oh, the horror of his life, wishing he somehow could have been a Mafia Don, or Doctor who had to create genetically altered mutant species, he tossed the last of his prized kick ass crystal unicorns with a mighty heave into the darkness. Shamed by the decay of his life he returned back to his hovel and had a nap.
Hours later he awoke to a voice crying in the night, "Son of Jorel." Off in the distance he saw a faint glowing beacon, calling to him. Calling to him. Drawn by this unknowable light, he traveled over hill and dale, river, mountain and stream, up through the Cumberland and Appalachia, through the tidewaters of the Chesapeake (making sure to stop in Washington, DC for the Cherry Blossom festival) through the storm ravaged coast of New Jersey, and New York, and cursing under his breathe of how the journey would be much easier and less annoying if the state of Connecticut did not exist. With each step, each mile the draw of the light grew stronger, the voice in his head louder. Until finally on a baseball diamond in the back of Gann Academy, Rick came to the source of light, his calling in this mixed-up, muddled up world that had chewed him up and spat him out like some gristle at a bad steak house. There standing on the diamond was his father, holding the kick ass crystal unicorn. "Hey Rick. I signed you up for a kickball league. Oh and I bought you a new unicorn. I call him..." Rick interrupts his father. "Please no names it's time for our first kickball game in Waltham." Games You People Played In
Booze on First 1 defeats Newton Benchmarks 0
Although we lost another game the Newton Benchmarks are getting better. We continue to be a ver spirited and supportive team. It was a close game with Robert pitching a great game. The amazing Erin scored many outs by leaping after the ball. You go Erin!!
We are a loud team, not even hearing the refs foul calls. The Benchmarks got so close in the last inning when Coach Jesse nailed the ball into left field. The incredibly talented Jen who was on second base hauled it to home only to find out that it was a foul. Boohoo!!
We are learning more strategies and we are going to the next game with the Sacks and Racks with more determination, wisdom, and an awesome game plan. Bring it on!!! - David G
In an epic showdown between the two lowest scoring teams in the league the only question was how would these offensive juggernauts be contained. Booze on first was kicking the ball well but still had trouble getting that elusive first run. We finally broke through with a single by Bret who then was able to get to third with some heads up base running. Kevin kicked in Booze first run of the season and put us on top 1-0. The Benchmarks didn't let up as they had 2 men on base in the bottom of the 5th but some stellar d sealed the victory for booze. Andrew pitched a complete game shutout and made some nice throws to Kevin at first. Patrick was able to survive a bone jarring collision with Michelle and make a great catch in left field. Booze on First will look to keep the runs coming next game! - Sam B
Ninja Island 6 over Brief Student Concerns 3
A little short handed the Ninjas came out kicking, building a lead using defense, a paper clip, and the Moon's gravitational pull, like MacGyver. The Ninjas needed it all, as a late two run home run (it would have gone farther without the pull of the Moon) made the game closer. The winner of the Coconut Bra of Conquest went to Jeff for his big double. The Hard Hat of Hula went to Jon N for his stellar defense. And the Indefatigable Can of Spam II went to Jen M, who made two terrific plays at second and flooded the field with such celebratory profanity that I would not be surprised if when we get to Gann Academy tonight and the field was overgrown by Fuck Trees and Damn Flowers. - David M
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Frank's Little Beauties 3 over Sacks N Racks 1
In an epic showdown between the two lowest scoring teams in the league the only question was how would these offensive juggernauts be contained. Booze on first was kicking the ball well but still had trouble getting that elusive first run. We finally broke through with a single by Bret who then was able to get to third with some heads up base running. Kevin kicked in Booze first run of the season and put us on top 1-0. The Benchmarks didn't let up as they had 2 men on base in the bottom of the 5th but some stellar d sealed the victory for booze. Andrew pitched a complete game shutout and made some nice throws to Kevin at first. Patrick was able to survive a bone jarring collision with Michelle and make a great catch in left field. Booze on First will look to keep the runs coming next game! - Nicole
Frank's Little Beauties hit there first speed bump of the season, as the offense sputtered throughout the game. FLB's were forced to rely heavily on their defense, and though they yielded their first run of the season, they were able to squeak out a 3-1 victory on the backs of insurance runs by Derek and Jen in the 5th inning. Not to be overlooked was Mike Caney's diving grab in shallow right field, preserving what at the time was a 1-0 lead. - Chris
Song or Video that Interests Me (And Probably Only Me)
This is the infamous match race between Seabiscuit and War Admiral. For those of you who haven't read Hillenbrand's book (or seen the moving with Toby McGuire, you know, Spiderman, but not the latest Spiderman) this race was the culmination of a long arduous journey that resulted in an almost discarded underdog horse (underhorse?) destroying a pedigreed Triple Crown winner in what was the most anticipated sporting event of the Depression Era. (40,000 people at the track and an estimated 40 million listened to the race on the radio.)
Miscellany
- Please visit here for tonight's schedule. Brief Student Concerns and Frank's Little Beauties you have a double header!
- Please visit here for current league standings.
- Remember to visit our league bar Shopper's World after the game. Free wings, great food, and a beer selection that makes this Kentucky Colonel (Ed. Note: Not really a Kentucky Colonel...yet) put down his juliep.
- No drinking or smoking at the field.
- Muchas gracias a Tim Hoffman para sus fotografías excelentes!
- It may actually be warm today. Bring bug repellent!
Next Week
More Interesting Ways to Use Butter
