Ghost Man on Third: The Lies, Damnable Lies Edition

The  Award Winning Official Newsletter of the MA Commonwealth Division

"Kickball is a set of lies agreed upon"  

THE NOT-A-LIE WEEK EIGHT: "You'll never get it right. They got a hundred lies for you. And when they pass them out. You gotta give or take a few." - The Hives

Table of Contents: 

I: No one ever Lies in Social Settings
II: Pravda nyet Izvestia   

III: Izvestia nyet Pravda
IV: Defeat by Insinuation Grows

V: Standings and Schedule 

VI: Announcements

VII: Truth or Consequences 

PART I: "I've had enough of watching scenes, of schizophrenic, ego-centric, paranoiac, prima-donnas. All I want is the truth. Just gimme some truth." - John Lennon 

END OF SEASON LUAU PARTY!

In a GMOT full of lies, damnable lies, I will start you out with some truth. The End of Season Party, a joint venture of the MA Commonwealth and MA Independent Leagues is on.


It's a Luau theme, so everyone put on your best Hawai'ian shirt, bust out the coconut shell bust coverings and grass skirts, cause this one is going to an Americanized Version of Native Pacific Islander Cultural Traditions! EVERYONE IS GUARANTEED TO GET LEI'D! (Someone was going to make the joke eventually, so we might as well get it over with)


DATE: FRIDAY AUGUST 17th
TIME: 7:00 PM until the Drinks Run Out
LOCATION: The Hong Kong at Fanuiel Hall 
WHO: Registered League Members and Guests


View the Facebook Invite with all the Details Here. 

PART II: "Nobody knows what they are doing. It's beyond your control, and Friday night's a ruin. If you wanna survive you better learn how to lie." - The Clash

With last week's rainout, our season has been pushed back, so instead of starting the playoffs tonight, the final push towards the summit of IMMORTAL KICKBALL GLORY begins next week. 

This means two three things: 1st and most importantly another GMOT edition. (Please, hold your applause to the end) 2: THIS WEEK IS RIVALRY WEEK 3: NEXT WEEK IS THE PLAYOFFS. 

The rivalry week matchups were set two weeks ago, and the added week has hopefully further steeped these clashes with the emotion and trash talking that puts all those people at Lowell Playground to watch our games. (Oh sure, people pretend to be walking their dogs, playing soccer or basketball, or having their kids run through the sprinklers, but do not be fooled. They are here to see us wow them with kickballian skill and feats of achievement never before seen on the East Coast. Now I have many close friends who are experts at varying things. There's a Cool Expert. A Rock Expert. A Fashion Expert. A Craft Beer and History of Hockey Expert. A Panda Expert. A Space Policy Expert (And Advocate of the Year). A Teaching Expert. A Statistics Expert. An Electrician. A Stage Managing Expert. A Marketing Expert. An Atheism Expert. An Expert in the Value of Finnish Exportable Goods. A Publishing Expert. A Queen cover band Expert. An Unemployment Expert. A Labor Relations Expert. A Green Building Design Expert. But most importantly (after the Electrician) is a real estate expert, who tells me that due to the mere presence of the MA Commonwealth League, the property values of abutters to Lowell Playground has skyrocketed. (Okay, 90% of that last paragraph was done just so I could use the word "abutters". Not a lie.))

Furthermore, once we finally play this week, (some of us feel like we've aged a year since  the last time we've played) it will be the playoffs. Now I know I said last week that this space this week would be devoted to highlighting the various changes and things we need to know for the playoffs. But for reasons I'll get into in the next section, we'll forgo that and just recap what I said last week about this week which of course now is next week.

For those of you who are new to the sport, or to the league the playoffs are a seeded tournament, that follows the structure of the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament.

Playoff Week 1: (times and fields TBD)

Game A: #1 v. #8

Game B: #4 v.#5

Game C: #3 v. #6

Game D: #2 v. #7

Playoff Week 2: (FieldTBD)

6:30 pm 

Game E: Winner of Game A v. Winner of Game B

Game F: Winner of Game C v. Winner of Game D

And after the conclusion of those two games, the Championship game will occur. 

7:15pm 

Game G:  Winner of Game E v. Winner of Game F

The team with the highest seed in each game gets to pick whether it wants to be the "road team" (kick first) or "home team" (field first). 

PART III: "Now here's the sun, it's alright! now here's the moon, it's alright! 

but everytime you close your eyes, lies!" - Arcade Fire

"Next week, in this space we'll go over the differences between playoff rules and regular season rules. For more information on League Tournaments and Rules, you can check them out here." - David M, Ghost Man on Third 7/25/2012

Unless you have developed a system for totally preventing all news from reaching your senses (beyond this blog of course), you may be aware that there is an election this fall to see who will be President of the United States from January 20th, 2013 - January 20th 2017. Regardless of your political leanings, election season always means one thing, that we the voter will be subjected to an endless barrage of lies and distortions on both sides, as the candidates try to get you out to vote for them, all under the biggest lie of them all that somehow a lack of change or change at the Oval Office will effect the recession. (The truth of course being that it is Congress that is more important and has the power to effect change more effectively, not the President, and the fact that Americans do not take Congressional elections as seriously as they do the Presidential elections is the real reason why Washington is as dysfunctional as we think.)  That said, watching the dueling lies and distortions can be great fun regardless of your political leanings. I suggest following Glen Kessler's "Fact Checker" Blog on the Washington Post's website for a running total of who's saying what about whom now.

Unfortunately lies are not only restricted to politics. Take last week for instance. In the above quote, I lied to you, because in this week's GMOT I did not talk about the changes in the playoffs. Instead I talked about people I know and what they are experts at. See I lied.  Also lying were the weathermen who convinced our League Rep Paul (not Ron Paul, though he's a liar too, especially about the Gold Standard) to call our games last week due to rain, despite the fact there was a distinct lack of rain on our field until 9pm. (Stick tap for the weather report to Ninja "Walking" Jeff F, who despite not showing up when there were actual games this season, diligently showed up when there wasn't a game to report on the weather. He doesn't keep his eye to the sky just to pad his resume with Space Policy Awards which may or may not be lies.)

And these lies aren't just about Paul and the reason why he hasn't mustache'd up this season. Since I follow MA Commonwealth on the twitters, I've noticed some much discussed rumors and lies out there about all the teams this year. Here are some of my favorites lies and truths:

Teleballin'

LIES: Have vigorously lobbied Tim Tebow to change his name to Tim Teleball for cross marketing purposes.

TRUTH: Have scored more runs this season than Tim Tebow has thrown career interceptions. 

Kickin' Nuggets

LIES: Have vigorously lobbied McDonald's into developing a "Kickin Nugget" animation tie in starring members of the Nuggets in Nugget form playing in a World Cup like soccer tournament against Alien Chicken Nugget teams from around the galaxy in an attempt to capitalize on the popularity of soccer and surprising lingering popularity of the movie "Space Jam." 

TRUTH: Are glad they did not name themselves "Kick-fil-A" this season. 

We've Got the Runs 

LIES: That they have runs.

TRUTH: While they do not have the fewest runs in the league, they have been shut out four times to lead the league.

Looking to Bust Balls

LIES: Following the Red Sox acquistion of RHP and Academy Award winning comedian Steven Wright at the MLB trading deadline, have recruited noted comedian Andrew Dice Clay to join their team in time for the playoffs. "Rock-a-bye baby, on the tree top. Your mother's a whore, And I ain't your pop."

TRUTH: The U2 Song "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" was not written about Looking to Bust Balls

Don't Come on My Base!

LIES: To gain a competitive advantage have secretly cloned their best player, and have used their ever changing team wardrobe to hide this fact from the league.

TRUTH: Have yet to come to a game dressed as members of the animal family Ursidae. (Nudge. Nudge. Hint. Hint.) 

Dirty Mike and the Boys

LIES: Have used the two weeks since our last game to devise a way of popping the collars for their kickball shirts.

TRUTH: Dirty Mike and the Boys lead the league in runs scored with a whopping 52! (Divide that by 7 if you like math)

Pumped Up Kicks:

LIES: Spent the two weeks off putting on an Off-Broadway production of "The Wire: The Musical". 

TRUTH: The Editor of the GMOT just used this bit to link to The Wire: The Musical, as it is pretty damn funny. 

Ninjapocalypse Now:

LIES: Will be taking a Duck Tour at the end of the season up the Nung River into the wilds of Cambodia with the intent of visiting the relaxing "Colonel Kurtz' Crazy Funtime Camp!"  

TRUTH: Harvey Keitel was originally cast to play the role of Captain Willard in "Apocalypse Now" but was replaced by Martin Sheen after a few months of shooting. It is not true that Harvey Keitel was also the original captain of the Ninjas, but replaced because he kept quoting lines from "The Piano" and "Pulp Fiction" instead of making lineups and thinking up of awards to give his players."Ninjas, If I'm curt with you it's because time is a factor. I think fast, I talk fast and I need you guys to act fast if you wanna get out of this. So, pretty please... with sugar on top. Win the fucking game!"

PART IV: "If you ask me why I lie to you, I can tell you I don't know myself. Its amazingly dishonest. But I'd have to recognize it as part of myself." - Liz Phair

Recaps - It rained. Except it didn't when it was supposed to. So we didn't play. /End Scene

PART V: "She lies and says she's in love with him, can't find a better man. She dreams in color, she dreams in red, can't find a better man." - Pearl Jam

Standings:

Schedule:

Equipment to the Field: Kickin' Nuggets

6:30PM

Dirt: 

We've Got the Runs! v. Kickin' Nuggets 

Referee: Don't Come on My Base

Grass:

Dirty Mike and the Boys v. Pumped Up Kicks

Referee: Ninjapocalypse Now

7:15pm 

Dirt: 

Teleballin' v. Ninjapocalypse Now

Referee: We've Got the Runs!

Grass:

Looking to Bust Balls v. Don't Come on My Base

Referee: Pumped Up Kicks

Equipment to the Bar: Looking to Bust Balls

PART VI: "Sometimes the silence can be like the thunder. Sometimes I feel like I’m being plowed under. Could you ever be true? I think of you, and I wonder." - Bob Dylan

Announcements, Announcements Announcements

PLAYOFFS: Playoffs begin next week (really, this time I swear (hope)). Since there is the chance of extra innings, start times and time limits will be strictly enforced. 6:30 games will be declared forfeits if minimum 4 males and 4 females are not present at 6:45. 7:15 games will be declared forfeits if the minimum is not reached by 7:20pm.  

RULES: There are some slight rule changes about extra innings that may come into play in the playoffs. Please review those rules before next week. 


ALL-STAR GAME: The second annual MA Commonwealth All-Star Game will be held on August 23rd at Lowell Field. Come and cheer on your All-Stars. More information will be coming in next week's GMOT. 

BOCA BAR: Boca missed us last week due to the rain. Remember to showing them your appreciating for sponsoring our league by giving them your patronage!  

PHOTOS: If you have any photos or other submissions for the GMOT feel free to submit them here. 

TWITTER:  @Macommonealth is where you go for the latest news. If you aren't following us now, you are crazy. 

PART VII: "No one knows what it's like, to be hated, to be fated, to telling only lies. But my dreams, they aren't as empty, as my conscience seems to be." - The Who

Last week, I said, "Words are cheap" followed by some other stuff that attempted to sound profound, but is really me tired at the end of the night entertaining myself and filling up space so I can post a picture here. Like this one. Yet, despite the lies filling this edition of the GMOT, there is some truth. he cheapness of words can enable lies. Say a few wrong words and you simply lie to a person. Commit an action that hurts them and then you are in betrayal, which is a whole different kettle of fish.

But a more important truth is the one we are about to face as a league. The regular season ending means that we can no longer hide behind lies and distortions of records. Any web of lies will quickly be shattered by the truth of competition. Mark Twain once wrote (possible lie) that "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." The light of truth reveals all, and in a few weeks time it will reveal the champion. Lies may bind, but the kickball truth shall set us free. 

Good Luck and Happy Kicking,

- David, GMOT Editor