Ghost Man on Third: Kickball Porn

THE OFFICIAL NEWSLETTER OF THE MA COMMONWEALTH DIVISION

"The first daguerreotype was of French kickball action. The second was of people doing it."

WEEK THREE: "Sun come up it was blue and gold, Ever since I put your picture in a frame." - Willie Nelson

Table of Contents:

I: Lights, Camera, Party!
II: Several Thousand Words
III: It Lasts Longer
IV: Suitable for TMZ
V: Schedule and Standings
VI: Announcements
VII: Paparazzi

PART I: "Shake it, shake it, shake, Shake it, shake it, shake,Shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, sugaShake it like a Polaroid picture. Hey Yaaaa!" - Outkast

Mid Season Party. I am told that details will be forth coming, and from what my sources tell me it will cause your face to melt in awesome wonder. So keep an eye peeled on your emails for the final details.

What I can reveal is that it will be a party. There will be drinks on the league, exclusivity, and good times. Non-league guests are $10 with proceeds going to charity. Everyone wins. And winning is awesome.


PART II: "Re-issue ! Re-package ! Re-package ! Re-evaluate the songs, Double-pack with a photograph, extra Track (and a tacky badge)" - The Smiths

Normally this is the part of the newsletter, where I wax on self indulgently, make stupid puns, esoteric references, and inside jokes that only two or three other people reading this will get. Mwuh-Ha-Ha! It's good to be the king, I mean blog editor.

However, this week I will spare you faithful kickabrigians, from my incoherent coherency, and instead shower you with my other favorite medium( not one of the Arquette sisters), Pictures. Here's shots from the first few weeks that didn't make the newsletter.

PART III: "I need a camera, To my eye, To my eye, Reminding, Which lies that I’ve ,Been hiding. Which echoes belong, I've counted out, The days to see how far, I've driven in the dark, With echoes in my heart" - Wilco

6:30pm Games:

Ball Busters 9 over Shenanigans 0

History it is said is written by the victors. However, in what is probably the greatest bit of sportsmanship since, insert Simpsons reference or well beaten cliche here, the Ball Busters, who laid a rain soaked smacking on Shenanigans decided to let the defeated have the lion share of the recap.

Despite a 9-0 loss, the game felt closer than the score. At least that's what the Shenanigans keep telling themselves. Their defense, which to this part of the season, was addled by the rail, as balls normally swallowed up by the Shenanigans defensed, bounced out of the arms of defenders this week. Ryan and Laurie powered the pitching, but even the Iron Curtain couldn't have stopped the ball that was as erratic and hard to grasp as a greased pig or Glenn Beck's "logic." What offense they mustered, such as solid hits by Gabe, Ryan, Scott, Kelly and Pat, were drowned by the rain and the Ball Busters defense (lead by Richie, Jamie, Kristy and Tara). The play of the game was a terrific leaping stab of a line drive by Gabe at the hot corner, but alas that was the only real silver lining on and other wise dreary afternoon.

Kelly C. and Not Tom contributed to this report.

Kicked to the Curb 12 over Wakademia Nuts 6

The Wakadamia Nuts answered last week's 1 run performance with their best offensive output

of the season, eclipsing the combined run total from their first two games combined. The Nuts in blue rounded the bases 6 times in week 3 and the offense is ready to improve on that this week. Said Jon P. after the game, "We're ready to improve on that." Unfortunately, Theo Epstein's pitching and defense plan didn't inspire the Nuts as they allowed 12 runs to Kicked to the Curb.

The Nuts are becoming the most giving team in the league, giving their opponents their first win of the season for the 3rd straight week. This seems to be all part of the team strategy points out Andrew S, "We have the league right where we want it. 0-8 then we run right through the playoffs on our way to Vegas!"

Making his third straight appearance as team mascot (clad in Wakadamia Nut blue), Nicole C. and Adam B.'s dog, Vegas. Coincidence?

Once again, the kickball gods rained down upon Lowell Field and made scorekeeping a daunting task. But if stats had been kept, they probably would've looked something like this:

Jon B. kept the damage to a minimum early, making 3 straight fly

out grabs in right field. The drama was short lived, as the Nuts couldn't keep up with Kicked to the Curb's offense and fell behind big in the middle innings.

Determined to make a last stand, the Nuts began the 5th with singles from Jon. P and Andrew K. Also reaching base were Karen L. and Murph, setting up a 2-run double from Andrew S. Anney and Nick -- just one of the Wakadamis Nuts many kickball couples -- contributed with base hits and flipped cups.

The team may have found its true calling after the game at the Boca Bar, however, where the flip cup started out as 5-on-5 Wakadamia scrimmage to a division wide 11-on-11, almost the length of the entire bar showdown!

As for Kicked to the Curb (KTTC) they finally had a break out game, winning 12-6. The key for the team was consistent kicking & heads up base running that allowed the team to pull ahead. Key highlights were around the bunting skills of Andrew & Sarah got the team on base and John S. belted a triple for his first kick of the season. Kelly R showed some great kicking skills and managed to get on base twice. KTTC also showed improvement over previous games by having a strong defense good pitching from Andrew C & Elaine kept the competition at bay while Kristin M & Matt B both had a great catches in the outfield.

Adam B and Sarah J contributed to this report.

PART IV: "In home theaters, still projecting, undestructing, A voice from the back of your, Double feature, Soft and harder,Wait, In silence, While planning your attack. " - New Pornographers

7:15 Games

Care Scout 4 over Looking to Score 0

In a highly anticipated early season matchup of undefeateds, Care Scout shut down and shut out the reigning League champions in Looking to Score.

LTS had heard the rumblings in weeks priort about Matt, Care Scout's left handed ace, and in their eyes he lived up to the Strasburgian level of hype. CareScout scored the all their runs in 2nd inning highlighted by the feet and running ability of Andrew, Gabe, Natalie, Dave and a big kick/hit by Alex.

This would prove to be the only runs needed as once again Matt kept the

opponents guessing with his effective pitching style, as LTS never seriously threatened This was Matt’s third complete game of the season. Unlike the big league pitchers he is without a pitch count. Good defense in less than stellar

conditions carried the day for

CareScout as the played solid defense.
For Looking to Score, they relied on strong outfield play from Mike F, Jeff and Vera to keep the game from getting out of hand.

Dave C and Jason K contributed to this report.


Wicked Awesome Helicopter Ninjas 8 over Allen Club 2

The Ninjas continued their winning ways, defeating the Allen Club to the tune of 8-2.

In a 2nd inning heroically stealth moment, Rob attempted to tag up from third as everyone

seemingly was walking off the field, confused by the last play. Reaching into his ninja satchel, he found his last smoke bomb had been used on stage to make his band look awesome. Out in the open, he was spotted and directly pegged out, steps from home.

It was a tight game until Susan came up with the bases loaded in the 4th inning and managed to kick in two runs on a big single. Nick contributed with an acrobatic slide into third base, scoring on an overthrow. The Ninjas were able to buckle down on defense and not allow a run after the first inning.

The unanimous play of the game goes to the Allen Club first baseman, who ran up the rain soaked hill while spinning around to make a diving catch. The play received a well deserved standing ovation from both teams. See you Thursday night, The Shenanigans!

Allen Club Kickball encountered its a first losing streak on Thursday night but spirits remain high as the outlook of the team is strong. Like a bad late night decision to order Domino's because you might think the new crust might actually make a difference, this Thursday is a new game, just as you can order Papa Gino's tonight, Allen Club believes they can win this week. And any lose by the Allen Club certainly does not take place without strong positive effort. Scoville the Red and Dr. Dean, M.D., continued their strong kicking performance with a hit each. Dean, Allen Club's Team Doctor, even manages through her blazing speed to pull a hammie but made it home anyways and her prognosis on herself for this week is looking positive. Captain Allen

attempted to put some power behind his kicks but forgot its where the foot makes impact not how hard the attempt is. First Mate, Dennis Itri recorded an RBI and a run, knocked him by Earl T. Strong and his opposite of weak kick. Big Bad Barry and the Loch Ness went back in time to put "athletic play" back into his athletic

feats with an uphill dive for an out. Margarita Steve & Chef Jillian put their games faces on and recorded hit but were unable to score any runs. Wild Woman Casey took a break from non-stop clubbing, drinking and bad deeds to play some solid third base. Good Luck Charms Anna Mae brought the Rabbit's Foot with, what we call, "a catch and half" - it was actually worth of 1.5 outs. Kinglsey and Anita plan to continue their contribution this week. Sarah Dunn, Head of Isaac's Moving and King of Beers McDonnell, brought the defensive presence but the onslaught of timely bunts. Former Legendary Bartender Ryan of UMass-Amherst's The Pub attempted to stop the bleeding but the rainy weather and wet field didn't help the situations. Leanne "Prefontaine" and Big Balls Matty made their first appearance of the season returning from IR - Individuals Relaxing. It's looking good for Game 4 - like a fresh, hot Papa Gino's pizza right out of the oven (which Allen Club Players of the Game Loch Ness and Chef Jillian will receive at this week's game).

Joshua A and Paul L contributed to this report.

PART V: "Leather and jeans, garage glamorous, Not sure what it means. But this photo of us it don't have a price, Ready for those flashing lights" - Lady GaGa

Standings after 3 Weeks:

(Win, Loss, Tie, Forfeit, Winning Percentage, Runs Allowed)


1.) Ball Busters 3-0-0-0 1.000% 3
2.) Care Scout 3-0-0-0 1.000% 4
3.) Wicked Awesome Helicopter Ninjas 2-1-0-0 .667% 6
3.) Looking to Score 2-1-0-0 .667% 6
5.) Kicked to the Curb 1-2-0-0 0.000% 196.) Allen Club 1-1-0-1 .08% 16
7.) Shenanigans 0-3-0-0 0.000% 17
8.) Wakademia Nuts 0-3-0-0 0.000% 29

Week 4 Schedule:

6:30PM
Diamond:
Looking to Score v. Wakademia Nuts
(Ump:Allen Club)

Grass:
Wicked Awesome Helicopter Ninjas v. Shenanigans
(Ump:Ball Busters)

7:15PM
Diamond:
Allen Club v.Kicked to the Curb
(Ump:Looking to Score)

Grass:
Care Scout v.Ball Busters
(Ump: Shenanigans)


PART VI: "And I ask you, "Hey mister, have you ever seen, "Pictures of Lily?" - The Who

Announcements, Announcements, Announcements:

UMPIRES: Please remember, if your team is scheduled to be the umpire for a game, one umpire is mandatory, but two is preferable. Failure to provide umpires when it is in your turn results in a "paper forfeit." I only have the faintest idea as to what that means, but an explanation is in the rules somewhere. I think it's bad, or bad-ish. Regardless, for everyone's sake, have at least two umpires. Three would be awesome. Four is overkill. Five is right out. Thank you.

WEATHER: Holy Crap for once the chance of precipitation for a Thursday game is less than 50%! Games on, unless Mother Nature decides other wise. which in that case there will be an email.

HEALTH: To reiterate Tom's point, please all members should take adequate precautions to prevent injuries. Obviously kickball is not the most taxing sport physically, like any exercise it should be after a proper warm up. Stretching is key. We want everyone to be healthy and safe.

FOOTWEAR: Even though the afternoon weather calls for dry and sun, the field may still be wet. Cleats are perfectly acceptable and allowed under WAKA rules, as long as they are not metal cleats. So leave your Mt. Everest Climbing cleats at home, but plastic cleats are perfectly acceptable.

BOCA BAR: Remeber please join us after every game at our League Partner this year will beThe Boca Bar. Great times. Great food. Better drinks and best friends.

LEAGUE CHARITY: News will be forthcoming regarding the league charity. Please stay tuned.

PICTURES: League members are encouraged to bring their cameras and send their pics to me at this address macommonwealthwaka@gmail.com Both game action and Boca Bar action are greatly appreciated. Please check out this blog's archives for examples of past seasons. Tip of the cap to Paul for contributing photos this week.


PART VII: "I've seen everything imaginable, Pass before these eyes, I've had everything that's tangible. Honey you'd be surprised. I'm a sexual innuendo in this burned out paradise. If you turn me on to anything you better turn me on tonight." - Guns N Roses

Picture this, a man torn between masters, both demanding his time and utmost attention. So what does he do? He does what most sports writers over 50 years, municipal employees and honeymooners who've not saved themselves and are too exhausted by the wedding do, mail it in!

However, one group that will not be mailing it in, are the MA Commonwealth Kickballers. For them, kickball is life, death, and that stuff that comes in between, like that stuff in the middle of the oreo. The league races are starting to shape up as teams jockey for position going into MYSTERY WEEK! Who will face who? Who knows. It'll be a photo finish!

- David, GMOT Editor, Team Shenanigans