Ghost Man on Third - Spring Edition - Restless Preamble

OPENING DAY

Everybody's Happy

For those of you who have been around the WAKA MA Commonwealth division for awhile, this newsletter needs no introduction. Awarded the "Best WAKA Newsletter" two years ago, this space is reserved for the lunatic ravings of me, punctuated by terrible jokes, song lyrics, recaps and kickball news. It's the time capsule of the next few months, so that in twenty years or so your children can find this and make fun of you for being an adult playing a kids game. (You're welcome future spawn!)

This spring, we're going to do things a little different contextually. Oh, it will still be full of lame jokes, highly esoteric pop culture references and full frontal nudity (*note: does not actually contain full frontal nudity), but it's going to be stripped down and bare bones: Ghost Man on Third Goes Acoustic, or if not that then all the major chords will switch with minor chords or vice versa and things will sound sadder or more happy depending upon your mood or the amount of mood enhancers in your bloodstream. The rationale is simple: I'm not funny enough to do two sets of bits for a spring and summer. I'm no Margaret Cho, for fuck's sake. 

Naptime's over

 With that restless preamble out of the way, I want to welcome you to the season. The concept of adult kickball is both brilliant and silly. When you first say to someone "I play kickball" we automatically go back to being small kids in gym class. Friends, relatives co-works dissolve into pools of laughter. And it's at you, not with you.  Relatively mature and immature adults playing a kids game. Definitely silly. Yet, therein lies the brilliance. This is a social sport. It's not for the hyper aggressive, corporate boasting and shenanigans you see with softball. There are no failed professional or wanna be professional kickballers roaming our fields. No ones is going to go out there and hire a professional to win the league (though I wonder what Alex Morgan and Abby Wambaugh are doing this summer). It's just a group of people getting together, having fun, and wearing garishly colored shirts (and if we're lucky, JORTS). 

I'd help you man, but
I'm admiring your jorts

So thank you for signing up. Paul Lurie, our customer service rep, and swell egg has done a bang up job getting this league started. We've moved to a spring field, and are grateful to the Gann Academy for letting us use their field. We've moved to a new bar, Shopper's Cafe, after the closing of our old haunt, the Boca Bar. This required a lot of leg work by Paul, and for this we are thankful.

These leagues are a blast, but like in all situations it is what you make of it. Come prepared to have fun, meet new people, and play with a big bouncy red ball. But also be prepared to do it responsibly. Since our field is on private property, there is NO SMOKING and NO ALCOHOL at the field. We may move into dickish terrority for stressing this everyweek, but it's the only conditions Gann gave us to use their field, and without a field, we're shit out of luck. Or we're shit out of ducks. I always get those confused. 

Anywho, I've gone on long enough (that's what you all say) so welcome, have fun, and let's play some kickball.

SONG OR VIDEO OF THE WEEK THAT AMUSES ME (AND PROBABLY ME ONLY). 

Could be an asshole.

For those of you who know me, hockey is my professional sports passion. I'm one of the rare Bostonians whose motto is "Bruins Uber Alles" and this and this are my national anthems, for whom the Red Sox, Patriots, and Celtics are trifling distractions from the real season. (Last week at the home game against Ottawa, I verbally upbraided some drunken jackass for trying to start the wave at the Garden. "Go back to Fenway, you pink hat" came out of my mouth at some point. Am I an asshole? Probably.) While I am fully cognizant of the NHL being a niche sport in the vast smorgasbord of entertaining options that we Americans cram into our pie-holes, I don't begrudge anyone who prefers baseball, football or basketball. As a member of the Tampa Bay Lightning said recently on discussing his team's support of the You Can Play initiative that supports and fights for tolerance of LGBT individuals in sports, "Some people drive cars. Some people drive trucks." While I do think those of you who aren't hockey fans are missing out, I don't judge you...much.

Anyway, one of the endearing parts of the relationship between hockey and their fans is the tradition of throwing things on the ice. Hats for a hat trick. Teddy Bears in the minor leagues for poor kids at Christmas.  Octopi in Detroit for the playoffs. Sex toys in Sweden and Montreal, because well, I'm still figuring that one out. Frozen Waffles in Toronto as some sort of absurdist protest to mismanagement. Hot dogs in Boston because people are assholes (It wasn't me). Hockey fans like to throw things. Of all the crazy things thrown on the ice, this however is my favorite. The best part, besides the chicken jokes and the classic gold uniforms of the LA Kings, is that the players keep playing.



SCHEDULE

The ball doesn't see him. He's a Ninja

6:00PM 

Diamond - Ninja Island v. Sacks N Racks

Referee: - Booze on First

Grass: - Brief Student Concerns v. Newton Benchmarks

Referee: - Frank's Little Beauties

6:50PM 

Diamond - Booze on First v. Frank's Little Beauties

Referee: - Sacks N Racks

MISCELLANEOUS

Gold Ball is Coming

• While my words should be enough for you miserable wretches, I've found you people like pictures too. So please take lots of photos and email them to me at corpsie@gmail.com, or via the twitters @clashrhino . Unless you are a luddite you should have a camera on your phone so there is no excuse. (Photos this week by Tim Hoffman)
• Please wear appropriate footwear. No metal cleats. 
• Remember that thing about no drinking or smoking on the field? Yeah. NO SMOKING OR DRINKING AT GANN ACADEMY. 
• Please be on time. There are no lights on the field, so we don't want games to be suspended because of the dark. 
• Follow the league on twitter @macommonwealth. All breaking league and league related weather info goes here first. 

NEXT EPISODE

The domestication of the dog continues unabated.