THE OFFICIAL NEWSLETTER OF THE MA COMMONWEALTH DIVISION
"Home of Sweaty Rubber Balls"
QUARTERFINALS WEEK: “Ooh, see the fire is sweepin' my very street today.Burns like a red coal carpet. Mad bull lost its way. War, children, it's just a shot away.It's just a shot away” - The Rolling Stones.
Table of Contents:
I: Kelvin and Hobbes
II: Seared into Your Melted Brain
III: Mercury Rising
IV: It’s a Dry Heat My Ass
IV: It’s a Dry Heat My Ass
V: Schedule and Standings
VI: Announcements
VII: I Got it Cheap Because Daniel Gabriel Fahrenheit died (presumably of heat stroke) in it.
PART I:“White light, White light goin' messin' up my mind. White light, and don't you know its gonna make me go blind. White heat, aww white heat it tickle me down to my toes. White light, Ooo have mercy while I'll have it goodness knows” - Velvet Underground
It’s fitting that Mother Nature has decided to turn up the heat on us, so too has the thermostat on our league been turned up to 11. The playoffs are here, so as a primer let’s take a look at the first round matchups.
6:30pm Diamond
#2 Looking to Score v. #7 Wakademia Nuts
Looking to Score is not only looking to score, but are looking to defend their league title. The quest begins tonight against the tenacious Wakademia Nuts. Now while the Nuts are perhaps more known for their flip cup prowess, they have like many new teams, taken awhile to congeal, and pick up the finer points of all things kickballia. The last two weeks have shown promise, with a tie and a close loss to Shenanigans that featured a last at-bat rally that came up one run short. While Looking to Score are expecting of themselves to make it to Championship Week, Jason K’s group of seasoned warriors know not to look beyond the Nuts.
6:30pm Grass
#4 Ball Busters v. #5 Allen Club
This game is a rematch from last year’s playoffs, when Ball Busters upset a higher seeded 
Allen Club squad in a riveting back and forth game. The Ball Busters season has been like Ebby Calvin “Nuke” LaLoosh of Bull Durham fame, “sorta all over the place” with big wins, small wins, small losses and big losses. This team has been there before, and if firing on all cylinders could easily win the league. They also could be upset by a defense first Allen Club, which has recently seem to have found it’s offensive game. Can Allen Club deliver an upset, like a piping hot pizza, or will they be the slice you find stuck in the couch cushions when you move from your college dorm?
Allen Club squad in a riveting back and forth game. The Ball Busters season has been like Ebby Calvin “Nuke” LaLoosh of Bull Durham fame, “sorta all over the place” with big wins, small wins, small losses and big losses. This team has been there before, and if firing on all cylinders could easily win the league. They also could be upset by a defense first Allen Club, which has recently seem to have found it’s offensive game. Can Allen Club deliver an upset, like a piping hot pizza, or will they be the slice you find stuck in the couch cushions when you move from your college dorm?7:15pm Diamond
#1 CareScout v. #8 Kicked to the Curb
The gray clad warriors of Kicked to to the Curb have had the Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruitie plate of a season, with one win, three losses, one tie and two forfeits. Despite being underdogs by records, they have shown flashes of coming together as a team. Standing in their way is the formidable Care Scout. Not only do they help the elderly, but the played start to finish with timely hitting, and Bastogne like pitching and defense. They can be beat, as their hiccup against the Allen Club demonstrated, but any victory against Care Scout will be earned.
#3 Wicked Awesome Helicopter Ninjas v. #6 Shenanigans
Don’t let the odd formations, costumes and accessories fool you. The Ninjas know how to play kickball, and
with experienced leadership, can win this league. However their first round game will not be a cakewalk, as they face Shenanigans. Despite a Heckle and Jyde season, Shenanigans has been strong defensively throughout, and offensively has been coming on of late. In the head to head matchup, the Ninjas managed a hard fought 3-1 victory. If both teams bring their A games, you could see another tight battle.
PART II "Just a little heat, Now on this cold day, You know it would take my, Worry away, worry away, ahh, It's in my head, I can't let go, No matter what you said, 'Cause I...already know, Leavin' this place, 'Cause you, you've got it written, All over your face” - The Black Keys
Since it is the playoffs, here are some important things to keep in mind.
- Since extra innings are a possibility, it is imperative that games start on time in order to ensure sunlight. Game times are 6:30 and 7:15. The 15 minute grace period will be strictly enforced. Failure to start games by 6:45 and 7:30 at the latest will result in one or two forfeits and thus elimination from the playoffs.
- If teams move into extra innings, teams are limited to 8 defenders on the field (4 males, 4 females.) Also the kicking team will have the last kicker from the previous inning as a runner on second base. As an example, Ball Busters faces Shenanigans. The score is tied 5-5 after the bottom of the 5th. Ball Busters kicks first, so Tom, who was the last kicker in the
top of the 5th goes to second base. Shenanigans sends out a defense of 4 males, 4 females. And we proceed from there.
- Teams with the higher seed get to choose whether they are the home or away team. There is no paper rock scissors.
- Only paid league members are allowed to play in the playoff games. Rosters will be brought and ID checks maybe made to ensure the integrity of the playoffs. If there is any question of someone’s eligibility, captains must bring it up with the Head Umpire for each game or Tom.
- Everyone is reminded to play with courtesy and sportsmanship. Please only Captains or Co-Captains are allowed to discuss decisions with the umpire. All decisions are final and there are no appeals.
- There is a mercy rule. Any team leading by 12 runs after the third inning, or completetion of any whole inning thereafter wins.
- Metal cleats are strictly forbidden. Plastic cleats only.
Thank you and Good Luck!
PART III “Jack Knife cries 'cause baby's in a bundle.She goes running nightly, lightly through the jungle. And them tin cans are explodin' out in the ninety-degree heat. Cat somehow lost his baby down on Bleecker Street. It's sad but it sure is true.Cat shrugs his shoulders, sits back and sighs. OOh, what can I do, ooh, what can I do?” - Bruce Springsteen
6:30 PM Games
Allen Club 9 over CareScout 1
Under a no forfeit gentlemen’s agreement, an undermanned Allen Club took it to a Care Scout team that had already clinched the regular season title.
Looking To Score 9 over BallBusters 5
LTS got on the board early in their final regular season tuneup plating two runs in the top of the first thanks to Kramer driving in Chris T and Nick booting Kramer home with a single. The bottom of the first saw some Adventures in Outfielding take place and our esteemed commissioner took advantage with a 3-run bomb to give BallBusters an early 3-2 lead.
Some aggressive baserunning by BDO tied the score in the Top of the 2nd when he came around to score from second base on Richard's bunt. The 3rd inning saw LTS get some separation when Chris T kicked a 2 run double scoring Jay K and Forge. 2 kickers later, Kramer continued his hot streak at the dish with a 2 run home run. Two more insurance runs were pushed across in the fifth after Jay K doubled in Jen and Forge doubled in Jay K.
Jason contributed to this report.
PART IV “The temperature is rising. The fever white hot. Mister, I ain't got nothing. But it's more than you got.” - U2
Shenanigans 3 over Wakademia Nuts 2
With both teams jockeying for playoff positioning, and looking to enter the second season on a strong 
note,Shenanigans and Wakademia Nuts battled in what turned out to be a very interesting game. Based on great base by Kelly, Jeff and O’Toole, a timely RBI by Jad, and strong defense by Scott, Lambert and Gabe, with good outfielding by Aly, the Shenanigans built a 3-0 lead headning into the top of the 5th.
note,Shenanigans and Wakademia Nuts battled in what turned out to be a very interesting game. Based on great base by Kelly, Jeff and O’Toole, a timely RBI by Jad, and strong defense by Scott, Lambert and Gabe, with good outfielding by Aly, the Shenanigans built a 3-0 lead headning into the top of the 5th.The Nuts, who had been frustrated by the Shenanigans defense, started a rally with a valiant effort by all, and runs by C. Murphy and K. Lubov, cut the Shenanigans lead to 1. Yet, the rally came up just short, but was definitely a positive going into the playoffs.
Jon and Kelly contributed to this report.
Wicked Awesome Helicopter Ninjas 5 over Kicked to the Curb 1
There was a game, music was played, and stuff happened. Ninjas scored runs on various kicks and sacrifices. The Ninjas gave up one run on a mis-executed secret play which lead to our right fielder Dave pegging our own second baseman, Ed in the back. Good times. Rob earned the medallion of strength for getting a kicker to strike out looking and also scoring his first run of the season. Susan came away with the sword of honor, for running out the kick despite being beaned in her upper neck and shoulder, aka her face.
Despite the bad blood from the “beaning” incident, Kicked to the Curb battled hard, getting the juices fired up for the playoffs and more good times.
Speaking of good times, did anyone see that gigantic game of flip cup in the bar? Jeez. I've never seen one side of the table lose 24 times in a row before. (edit note. I was on the winning side.)
PART V: “And I'm a heatseeker charging up the sky. And I'm a heatseeker, and I, I don't need no life preserver. I don't need no one to hose me down. To hose me down. Getting ready to break. Getting ready to go. Get your shoes off and shake. Get your head down and blow.” - AC/DC
Regular Season Final Standings:
(W, L, T, F Winning Percentage, Runs Allowed, Runs Scored)
| Care Scout | 7 | 1 | 0 | 0 | .88% | 21 | 42 |
| Looking to Score | 6 | 2 | 0 | 0 | .75% | 20 | 38 |
| Wicked Awesome Helicopter Ninjas | 6 | 2 | 0 | 0 | .75% | 22 | 37 |
| Ball Busters | 4 | 4 | 0 | 0 | .50% | 29 | 52 |
| Allen Club | 3 | 2 | 2 | 1 | .41% | 30 | 31 |
| Shenanigans | 3 | 5 | 0 | 0 | .38% | 30 | 21 |
| Wakademia Nuts | 0 | 7 | 1 | 0 | .06% | 55 | 22 |
| Kicked to the Curb | 1 | 3 | 1 | 2 | .00% | 59 | 22 |
6:30pm
Diamond:
#2 Looking to Score v. #7 Wakademia Nuts
Umps. Kicked to the Curb
Grass:
# 4 Ball Busters v. #5 Allen Club
Umps: Shenanigans
7:15pm
Diamond
#1 Care Scout v. #8 Kicked to the Curb
Umps: Allen Club
Grass:
#3 Wicked Awesome Helicopter Ninjas v. #6 Shenanigans
Umps: Wakademia Nuts
PART VI:“I use public toilets and piss on the seat,I walk around in the summertime saying "How about this heat?" - Denis Leary
Announcements, Announcements, Announcements:
BOCA BAR: If your season comes to an end tonight, don’t worry the Boca Bar is here to comfort you. If your season continues, what better place to celebrate than the Boca Bar. Be there.
END OF SEASON PARTY: Information coming soon. We have a huge budget, so it will be awesome.
WEATHER: Let’s Get it On. (In that platonic kickball way)
SUNLIGHT: As we move closer to August, the amount of light we get will be less and less the closer we get to 8pm. There is a 15 minute grace period. Any game that does not start within 15 minutes of the schedule start time will be a forfeit.
PART VII: “Lord almighty.I feel my temperature rising.Higher, higher.It's burning through to my soul. Girl, girl, girl.You gonna set me on fire.My brain is flaming. I don't know which way to go, yeah. Your kisses lift me higher. Like the sweet song of a choir. And you light my morning sky with burning love.” - Elvis
Now while we do not know what the fate of our immortals souls will be when we shuffle off this mortal coil, whether it is some idyllic Elysian Kickball field, or broiling inferno lacking where Air Supply is blasted 24/7, the fate of our summer kickball season will be determined in the next few weeks. As the heat and humid descends upon us in the Northeast (safety tip, never stand in a NYC subway station when it’s 90 degrees and 40% humidity, unless you being braised alive and smelling of your own au jus for a week.) one team will be freed from the oppression and bathe themselves in the cool refreshing waters of victory. The others will be soaked in the sweat of defeat, left to nurse their wounds and beers for another season.
Whatever happens, let us all have fun, be friends, and celebrate the winners and losers. Though we'll celebrate the winners a little more.
Good luck to everyone!
- David, GMOT Editor, Team Shenanigans
