Ghost Man on Third
THE OFFICIAL NEWSLETTER OF THE COMMONWEALTH DIVISION
"What kickball does not cure, there is no cure for"
RAINED OUT WEEK 6: "Just give me whiskey when I'm thisrty. Give me a headstone when I die." - The Clash
Table of Contents:
I: The Postman Rings Twice. The Packie Delivery Guy just knocks.
II: Please View using Whiskey Goggles
III Standings and Schedule
IV: Announcements
V: With a Rebel Yell she cried, "Make Mine a Double, Barkeep"
PART I: "And the bourbon sits inside me. Right now I'm a puppet in its sway. And it may be the whiskey talking, but the whiskey says I miss you every day." - Fountains of Wayne
With yet another week cancelled due to the fickleness of Mother Nature, it's a good time to catch up , not only on the copious amounts of emails we've received here at GMOT HQ, but also with the bottle of sweet nourishing bourbon that sits on the desk, singing it's brown siren song.
"What is your favorite drums recipe?" - Isaac G. EAT DRUMS!!!
Since drum is a very gamey, almost leathery protein, the best way I've found of eating it, is using a recipe similar to Coq au Vin. Celery, carrots, onions, seasons of Provence, slow stewed in a beaujoleais or burgundy. Of course, if your palatte is less continental, drums pounded thin, using the Bo Didley beat, soaked in buttermilk, seasoned flour, and deep fried, served with okra, sweet potatoes and a muscadine chutney is very American. Now some people eat drums raw, but that is not suggested, unless you are, in fact, Animal.
"What exactly is an Allen Club? Is it some kind of sandwich at D'Angelo's?" Joshua A., Allen Club
If you've ever bought a piece of furniture from Swedish uber-home furnisher IKEA, then you know that an Allen Club is the tool used to destroy the furniture when you try to put it together with the tiny little allen wrench, and it doesn't fit right, so you can claim it was damaged and get a refund. And with each refund comes a book of coupons with great pizza deals, or so I'm told. Of course that could be an ubran legend just like pop rocks and soda will explode you, the presidency of George W. Bush, and William Shakespeare was the author of Shakespeare's plays.
"I think we've fallen off the wagon. Or is it on the wagon? Can never I straight those get. (hiccup) Anyway. What step are we on?" - Brian S., Alcoballics.
I think with your 0-0 loss last week, you reached step 6. "Be entirely ready to have the Kickball Gods remove our defects in character and score some freaking runs." Now step 7, you have to submit your will to the Kickball Gods so you can at least muster a hit. Then you'll be ready to make list of teams you've wronged and then make amends. And if not, you can always drink more.
"Do you think it was a bad idea to try be the team captain, when someone on my team was named Captain Awesome? I mean, how can I compete with that?" - Ryan C., - East Coast Animals.
Names of course are arbitrary, despite this author's fondness for aptonyms. I know a guy who's last name is Pope, and I don't see him riding around in a little cart, wearing white, and hanging out in Italy all the time. Wait, actually he is a golf pro on the Amalfi coast, and his wears a white polo shirt. So damn, there goes my point. I guess you're screwed pal. Next year, try to stick to people with good kickball names. Like the Rubberblats family, the Bouncy von Bouncersteins, the Fields, and of course the Ahmadinejadballers.
"How many balls could the ball busters bust if the ball busters could bust balls?" - Tom C., Ball Busters
The answer is 42.
"Will we be the Last Team Standing?" - Jason K., - Last Team Standing
Existentially speakingyou are the Last Team Standing, as that is your name. You stand last, therefore you are, I believe Descartes said. Will you be the league victors? How the f do I know? I can't tell the future. If I could, I'd breaking the bank in Vegas and living in Southern France eating condor egg omelets, wearing boxers made of gold, ordering room service and raiding the mini bar at four-star hotels, and playing human chess games use my domestic staff and Members of Parliament as the pieces.
"Why do sports clubs think United is a good name for a team?" Nick F., Waltham United
Well, I think if they were named Manchester Southwest, people would keep making jokes about them like, "Ding, you are now free to play soccer/kickball/beer pong around the country."And man, that ding is annoying. I mean, every time your boarding pass scans, it's "DING", "DING","DING". I'd hate to be a gate agent for Southwest. I'd go insane (well, more insane than I already am.) Though, if the team were named after Southwest, it would be a more solvent business model, and as a team would offer its fans direct service and no frills. But damn it, I want frills.
"What did she say?" - Jocelyn C., That's What She Said
Now, the flippant answer, and my first instinct would be "That." But "That" is too obvious. However, since I wasn't really paying attention, I have no idea. She could have said many things. I was probably thinking about sex, or sports, or about sleeping, as she spoke, just nodding my head in agreement, so as not to cause yet another fight. Cause that's how I roll.
"Douchebag, what's the band of the week?" - David M., That's What She Said
Actually, I'm going with my favorite song lyrics that revolve around whiskey, since nothing fights the "No-Kickball-Cause-Waltham-Is-Flooded-Like-A-BBQ-At-Noah's-Blues" like some quality time with Uncle Jack.
PART II: -"Hey there bartender can I owe you the cash? Cause the end of the world, well it came in a flash. And I know that tomorrow I'll have some excuse, to cry tears for my water and pour whiskey in my shoes." - Frank Black
Nothing goes better with whiskey than picture of people playing kickball. (Actually lots of things go with whiskey, most importantly glasses.)
Part III: "He drinks a whiskey drink. He drinks a vodka drink. He drinks a lager drink. He drinks a cider drink. He sings the songs that remind of the good times. He sings the songs that remind him of the better times. I get knocked down but I get up again, no you're never gonna keep me down." - Chumbawamba
Standings (W/L/T, run diff, pts)
East Coast Animals 4-0-1, +12, 9 points
Allen Club 3-0-2 +7, 8 points
Last Team Standing 3-1-1, +19, 7 points
Waltham United 2-3-0, +4, 4 points
Eat Drums!!! 2-3-0, -7, 4 points
Ball Busters 1-2-2, -11, 4 points
Alcoballics 1-3-1, -4, 3 points
That's What She said 0-4-1, -19, 1 point
Schedule for Thursday July 9th
Diamond:
6:30pm - Allen Club v. Ball Busters
ref: Alcoballics
7:15pm - Alcoballics v. Eat Drums!!!
ref: That's What She Said
Grass:
6:30pm - East Coast Animals v. That's What She Said
ref: Last Team Standing
7:15 - Last Team Standing v. Waltham United
ref: East Coast Animals
Part VI - "No primadonna, the perfume is on an old shirt that is stained with blood and whiskey. And good night to the street sweepers, the night watchman flame keepers and goodnight to Mathilda, too." - Tom Waits
Announcements:
WEATHER: The forecast actually looks decent for Thursday. Keep a weather eye posted
to your email just in case, but fingers crossed, voodoo dieties appeased and novenas to Saint Agricola of Avignon, that we have good weather and can get in some awesome kickball
action.
BOCA: As always, remember to stop in the Boca Bar after every game for fantastic drink specials, highly affordable and refreshing pitchers, their killer free wings, and that spice of life and sanctuary that is Costa Rica.
END OF SEASON PARTY: Details are forming like jello in a mold. Stay tuned.
CHARITY: Our charity for this season is Saturday's Bread/Sunday's Bread. Check our their website for information on how you can help, and stay tuned for the MA Commonwealth League's efforts to assist this noble and worthy cause.
PHOTOS: If anyone has any photos they would like to see in the newsletter, or any other questions, comments, concerns, insults, drums recipes, you can reach me at this address.
PART V: "Don't need a shot of whiskey to be President. I need a shot of love." - Bob Dylan
One of the first threats to the fledgling democracy that was the United States was debt.(Not that anything's really changed in the past 233 years) In order to get the states to buy into this "Constitution" thing, the new government assumed all the debts accrued by the 13 colonies. Back then the government actually sought ro raise the funds needed to cover that debt (instead of say, creating more debt and just pushing the payment of the aforementioned debt farther and farther off into the future). Someone, (I'm looking at you Hamilton) decided that taxing whiskey would be a good idea. Well, the people of Pennsylvania (who have nothing else to do but drink, really) started a revolt, which President Washington had to put down with troops.
In tough economic times, it's not good to try and take away the cheap source of comfort that whiskey and her sister potent beverages can offer. (As long of course they are consumed responsibilty and no motor vehicles, construction equipment, firearms or drunk dials to ex girl/boy friends are made or operated). Of course, another way to ease one's concern with the affairs of the world and the stifled economy without resorting to armed insurrection, is of course, kickball.
The playoff picture is fermenting, and as we restart our season yet again, the yeast of our effort is churning our schedule ever closer to the final goal, that sweet nectar of kickballian victory and glory, THE CHAMPIONSHIP. Even if you are to the point where you are seeing two, or maybe three prizes, and perhaps the rooming is spinning just a little bit, and you are greatly overestimating how much that girl(or guy) is into you, and how hot she (or he) actually is, remember, always keep the eye the one true prize. VICTORY and IMMORTAL KICKBALL GLORY.
(I'll have another shot of hyperbole and Blue Label, please)
Good luck my fellow Kickabrigians, and Happy Kicking!
- David - That's What She Said
