Ghost Man On Third
THE OFFICIAL NEWSLETTER OF THE COMMONWEALTH DIVISION
"Dyslexic Agnostics may not believe in DOG, but they believe in LLABKCIK"
Week Four: "And now I'm ready to close my mind, And now I'm ready to feel your hand, And lose my heart on the burning sands, And now I wanna be your dog" - Iggy and the Stooges
Table of Contents
I - How much is that Cerberus in the window? The one with three heads
II - Fire Hydrants Beware
III - 6:30 Game Recaps
IV - 7:15 Game Recaps
V - Standings and Scedule
VI - Announcements
VII - What do you get when you breed Lassie with a Cantalope?
Part I: I see that you've come to resist me, I'm a pitbull in time." - Interpol
For those of you who enjoy motion picture romcoms, you may be aware of the Diane Lane - John
Cusack romp, "Must Love Dogs." Now a crusty cynic like myself generally rolls his eyes at insipid and banal romcoms that populate the entertainment chum bucket that is generally "Hollywood" but this particular offering is different. Instead of pandering and beating tired old cliches and archtypes of romantic comedy, this one miraculously mines some sort of deep Orwellian insight into human relations.
Or so I imagine. I've actually not seen the movie, and the only reason I bring it up is so that I can insert this awesome picture of our kickball action. Though, if I allow myself a moment of digression (which I will) the title of the movie is apt, but not in the Match.com way that the producers intended.
With apologies to you "cat" people out there, dogs rule.
Domestication of the Canus lupus familiarus dates back well over 15,000 years. Dogs have been breed into hundreds of different varieties, emphasizing various traits, and providing invaluable services to humanity. Whether it's the Norwegian Elkhound keeping a moose at bay until a hunter arrives,
a Saint Bernad providing warmth and rescue (but not brandy) to Alpine hikers, or a bull terrier named Spuds McKenzie telling us that everything else is just a light, except Bud Light, (oh, and dogs that guide the blind, but that's an obvious and not very funny example) dogs have been and continue to be our species best mammalian friend. In fact, if dolphins ever do evolve opposable thumbs, dogs will surely be our strongest ally in the apocalypic war to follow (kinda like the
British and the US during WWII. Cats would be France.)
Now I was going to include a long-winded anecdote about the time I was in Italy and while at the ruins of Pompeii, I saw a beautiful tiled mosaic with the words "Cave Canem" which is Latin for "Beware of Dog". This anecdote was to serve three purposes. 1.) To boast I've been to Pompeii, because chicks dig ruined ancient cities, and I'm one of the select millions who've visited those aforementioned ruins. 2.) To infuse a little bit of Latin in this blog, because well, LATIN SILICUS! and 3.) To provide more text for another awesome kickball photo. But then I thought that paragraph made me sound like a douche of John Mayer-like proportions, so I thought better.
The point? Kickball as a sport is not for the dogs. But, that does not mean dogs don't enjoy watching some thrilling kickball action. Canine attendance is up at least 400% over last season, and this is a trend that (Karelian) bears (hound) watching. I'm all for fostering strong ties with our canine allies, because they are awesome animals; kind, warm, loyal, protective and loving, and also good to have on our side, just in case those dolphins get those thumbs they've long coveted.
So instead of a band of the week, despite some solid suggestions (Snoop Dogg, Three Dog Night) and some highly questionable ones (Dogstar. Keanu Reeves. Seriously?) this week's blog is presented by some of my favorite dog inspired lyrics.
PART II - "Nothing I tried would satisfy Cold Coke and Pepsi or Canada Dry What's so wrong? hair of the dog There's nothing wrong, hair of the dog" - The Ramones
Having dispensed with the music of the week, I want to focus Part II on our inner party animal. Yes, as I said last week, details would be coming about the MIDSEASON PARTY!
Well, to prove that I'm not a total liar, here they are.
DATE: SATURDAY JUNE 27th
TIME: 7pm - 10pm
The 411: This party will be exclusively for Commonwealth League members. All league members are free. And there will also be FREE BEER! (I will say that again, because that always gets me excited) FREE BEER!
Oh, and if you have a friend, or significant other and would like to bring them, guests are only $10. And that small fee goes directly to our league's designated charity Saturday's Bread/Sunday's Bread. So everyone wins.
Last year when the league was half the size, the party was fifty million watts of awesome. So since this year the league is double the size, then the awesome factor has to be, well I'm no math person, but at least doubly or triple-ly wicked awesome. (And in dog years, wicked awesome times seven!). BE THERE!
PART III -"You aint nothin but a hound dog, Cryin all the time.You aint nothin but a hound dog Cryin all the time. Well, you aint never caught a rabbit And you aint no friend of mine." - The King
Diamond
Ball Busters 1 v. East Coast Animals 1
As a long time season ticket holder for the Boston Bruins, I remember when the NHL used to end games in a tie. To quote a common expression "A tie is like kissing your sister." Now since I'm an only child who grew up in Massachusetts and not Alabama or the Jolie household, I have no direct experience, but can assume that kissing one's sister is not a good thing.
Week 4 featured two sister-kissing games, both of which featured the two undefeated teams. The first such match was between the undefeated ECA's and the spunky Ball Busters.
In what was described by Ball Busters Captain Tom C as an "Instant Classic" Los Pelotas Bustadores were able to score a lone run on the effort of Adam S. Then strong pitching of Tom C, and stellar defense kept ECA off the base paths. A spectacular catch by Tara D, and Jennie L almost catching the ball were the defensive highlights for Team Buster.
And when ECA did get on the basepaths, they were foiled by poor decisions.
Beleagured ECA captain Ryan C. was called out at a crucial moment in the fourth, for leaving third base to early on a sacrifice fly that would have made the score 2-1 going into the final frame. This boner which might rival Merkle's (the ball player and not the neighbor of Lucy and Desi) was further compounded by another 'foul' out by Peter. The lone highlight for the Animals was the play of Pisani and Leslie.
To add further insult to injury, Ball Busters dominated ECA at the Boca Bar. The pressue is seemingly getting to ECA, as team captain Ryan has temporarily succumbed to the calls for his ouster, and has decided to implement some sort of new power-sharing system. Short of calling President Obama for a bailout, team ECA hopes to regain the fundamentals of situational kickball, and perhaps even more importantly post game alcohol consuming.
In a brief statement delivered as a helicopter was waiting to whisk him away, ECA captain Ryan C stated "I accept full responsibility for the loss and have turned over team leadership for the next two weeks. I ran a full lap and did some push-ups out [of team solidarity]. I've apologized and I hope we can move on."Ball Busters Captain Tom C, wasn't as maudlin. He sensed that this victory could spring the Ball Busters deeper into the league standings. "In practice Melanie L was even making some catches...just wait til we put it all together in the field during actual games...we will be a team to reckon with!"
Tom C and Ryan C contributed to this report.
Grass
Eat Drums!!! 2 v. Waltham United 0
In a game that had a winner and a loser, (what a novel concept!) Eat Drums defeated Waltham United.
On a chilly day in June, EAT DRUMS!!! took the field with a single purpose: to win their game with 2-1 Waltham United and thus reach the half-way point of the season with a 2-2 record, while the valiant Waltham United looked to move into the league's upper echelon.Both teams were missing their captains Isaac G for EAT DRUMS!!! and Nick F for Waltham United (Congratulations Nick and Lauren) for this match up. In their steads, Josh B and Jason D took the mound and the reigns in what turned out to be a classic pitchers duel.
After winning RPS, Waltham United chose to kick first, confident that they would jump out to an early lead. However, the Animals of EAT DRUMS!!! squelched that idea with superb pitching and confident fielding.
Against the solid pitching of Jason D and Jon O, Eat Drums kept with their season long theme of getting runners on base, but for the first two innings at least were unable to push a run across. This EAT DRUMS attack featured hits by Jeff, Kyla, Jen, Paige, and Paul, and Josh got on base via a walk. Despite the plethora of runners, The Waltham U defense was solid, including a spectacular catch by Christy R on a towering fly ball.
In the third EAT DRUMS!!! go a solo run on a home run by Mike. In the fourth, EAT DRUM!!! Game MVP Lauren, and Ben bunted safely, Colleen moved the runners over on a single, and Kyla kicked a perfect sacrifice, bringing Ben home.
Unfortunately for Waltham United they were unable to buy themselves a hit. With an EAT DRUMS!!! pitching machine looked like it had been tuned by a professional, Paul and Josh each pitched a pair of scoreless innings, and Nikki chipped in a shutout frame herself. The game was clinched by the EAT DRUMS!!! defense, which included a pair of circus catches by Mike and a high pop-up hauled in by Lauren to end the game.
"We may not be the undefeated juggernaut this year, "said Josh B, "But EAT DRUMS are happy with their 2-2 record at this point, and hopefully we can push that record to 3-2 with a victory on Thursday."
Josh B and Jason D contributed to this report.
Part IV "Just like I thought They were in the same spot In need of some desperate help The Nate Dogg and the G-child Were in need of something else." - Warren G (feat. Nate Dogg)
Diamond:
Allen Club 2 v. Last Team Standing 2
In another thrilling matchup (as thrilling as a tie can get) the undefeated Allen Club, squared off against third place Last Team Standing.
Jay K's RBI single in the bottom of the 2nd scored Mike C and
staked LTS to a 1-0 lead. For a while thanks to Ben K's pitching and the strong defense of the Mike trio - Mike C in the OF, Mike M at the hot corner, and Mike F behind the dish - it looked like the one run might hold up.
However, the Allen Club proved resilient and not ready to part with their unbeaten record. Solid defense lead by co-Papa Gino's player of the game Flava Flav, who seemingly made 90% of AC"s put out, gave AC a chance. With two outs and down 1-0 coming into the top of the 5th, Tim and KO got on base.
This brought up the other Papa Gino's player of the game, Ms. Maynard who laced a perfectly placed kick into the space only a teacher could find, for a 2-run single,
and giving Allen Club a 2-1 lead going into the bottom of the 5th.
However, LTS flashed some resiliency of their own. With one out in the bottom oft he 5th, Ben K got a single and aggressively moved to third on a groundout. With 2 down, Mike C delivered the clutch tying hit as LTS salvaged a tie from what could have been a devastating loss.
"A great game." said Allen Club captain Josh. "It was a quick game too. In fact it was so quick, it was like waiting for your Papa Gino's delivery."
Grass:
Alcoballics 8 vs. That's What She Said 2
In a battle of two winless teams, the Alcoballics, perhaps feeling the pinch of a winless season, were able to defeat a valiant, though undermanned, That's What She Said, in yet another game that broke with trend of the evening and decided a winner and a loser.
This game was entertaining for both sides. For the Alcoballics maybe it was just that Gahan finally showed up for a game. There were a couple of fantastic catches, fielding decisions, as well as fielding errors. Twombly, Michelle, Beth, Mike, Jon, Caitlin M., Sweetser, and Yohanna all rounded the bases for the Ballics.
Despite being undermanned, TWSS showed definite fire and played their best game all season. Great defense by Joy, Brian and Bob kept TWSS, as well as smart baserunning by Anita, Nicole and Jocelyn and solid pitching by Rusty kept TWSS in the game, and definitely gave
them something to build on. Caveat TWSS, to the team that plays them in the playoffs. I smell upset waiting to happen.
"We didn't win, but we will sometime, cause That's What She Said" Jocelyn's charges cheered as they headed towards the Boca Bar.
The Alcoballics were also buoyed by their first win of the season. "It is definitely allowing us to slowly come out from our anonymous past, and become the feel good story of the season." said Ballics captain Brian S. In fact, the Alcoballics were so embiggened by their win, they planned to hire the Papa Johns guy to heckle the Allen Club during Week 5's matchup up.
That should spark an oven hot fire in this league.
PART V " Blues falling down like hail, And the day keeps on remindin' me, there's a hellhound on my trail." - Robert Johnson
Standings (W/L/T, run diff, total points)
East Coast Animals 3-0-1, +10, 7 points
Allen Club 3-0-1 +7, 7 points
Last Team Standing 2-1-1, +12, 5 points
Waltham United 2-2-0, +6, 4 points
Eat Drums!!! 2-2-0, even, 4 points
Ball Busters 1-2-1, -11, 3 points
Alcoballics 1-3-0, -4, 2 points
That's What She said 0-4-0, -19, 0 points
Schedule (Week 5)
Diamond:
6:30pm - Last Team Standing v. Eat Drums!!!
ref: Allen Club
7:15pm - Waltham United v. East Coast Animals
ref: Eat Drums!!!
Grass:
6:30pm - Ball Busters v. That's What She Said
ref: Waltham United
7:15 - Allen Club v. Alcoballics
ref: Ball Busters
PART VI "I got a backyard with nothing in it. Except a stick, a dog And a box with something in it." - The White Stripes
Announcements
WEATHER: Unfortunately we appear to be in one of those patterns where Thursdays mean rain
drop dodging. The weather forecast again is calling for intermittant showers. Please stay tuned to your email and this blog today for any news concerning weather. And hey, even if our games do get rained out, that means more time at the Boca Bar, where the only liquid is in glass or plastic drinking vessels.
MIDSEASON PARTY: Just a reminder this party is going to be off the hook. Re-read Part II. Now. I'll wait. Thank you.
PARTY HELPERS: In order to make our party a smashing success, we will need volunteers to help work the door and check in kickball members. This way we keep the non-kickballing fools and other assorted riff-raff from what portends to be greater than greatness. The more volunteers the short the shifts which means, more time with the freak flag flying. Please email Brian Sweetser if you are willing to help.
BOCA BAR: This league would not be as fun, or possible without the support of our league home, the Boca Bar. Make sure you join the post-game festivities at what is perhaps the best establishment in Waltham.
CHARITY: League Charity Chairman Richard Wheeler is working on a plan on how our little
league can give back to our great charity Saturday's Bread/Sunday's Bread. Help Richard out, by bringing a guest to our MIDSEASON PARTY. Guests are only $10 which goes directly to our charity fund.
PHOTOS: As always photos of league action are greatly appreciated. Please send them to this address.
PART VII "I want to know, don't know about you, but I'm un chien andalusia." - Pixies
We are entering the dog days of our season, and ours is definitely a dog eat dog world.
What teams will be in the hunt, following Swifty into the land of gnawing bones, endless walks and cat chasing, and what teams will have their hopes and dreams snuffed out like a fire hydrant during an evening constitutional with man't best friend. I know the going for the next few weeks will be "ruff", and our champion will come out with skin as thick as "bark" but you know it will be "woof" it all in the end.
Kennel handle it? (That's it with the puns. I swear to Dog.)
- David, That's What She Said.
